Advertising to Monkeys

  • Aired:  06/28/11
  •  | Views: 23,888

Advertisers shouldn't use airbrushing and collagen -- just beautiful, natural monkey vaginas. (3:42)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, FOLKS -- I'M NOT TELLING

ANY TALES OUTS OF SCHOOL HERE.

IT'S NO SECRET THAT OUR ECONOMY

IS IN THE DUMPSTER BECAUSE OUR

ECONOMY KNOWS THE DUMPSTER IS

WHERE YOU CAN SOMETIMES FIND OLD

MUST HAVE FINS.

CONSUME -- MUFFINS.

CONSUMER SPENDING IS DOWN AND

WE'RE IN DANGER OF A CRIPPLING

DOUBLE DIP RECESSION.

WHICH IS TERRIBLE BECAUSE IF WE

DOUBLE DIP IT WILL HAVE THE

FIRST RECESSIONS SALIVA ALL OVER

IT.

[LAUGHTER]

SCIENCE HAS FOUND THE SECRET TO

GETTING THIS ECONOMY MOVING

AGAIN.

[LAUGHTER]

MONKEYS, MONKEYS, MONKEYS!

YES, MONKEYS.

AFTER RECENT EXPERIMENTS PROVED

THAT MONKEYS CAN BE TRAINED TO

UNDERSTAND AND NEWS MONEY, A

TEAM OF RESEARCHERS DECIDED TO

CREATE THE FIRST ADVERTISING

CAMPAIGN FOR NONHUMAN PRY MATES.

THIS IS BRILLIANT BECAUSE

MONKEYS HAVE TO WATCH

ADVERTISING.

THEY HAVEN'T DEVELOPED THE

TiVo YET.

THEY ARE STILL STUCK AT POKING

THE CHANNEL CHANGE BUTTON WITH A

TERMITE STICK.

[LAUGHTER]

TO PROVE ADVERTISING WORKS ON

MONKEYS, THE TEAM CREATES TWO

BRANDS OF JELL-O, ONE OF THEM

ADVERTISED BY A BILLBOARD

CAMPAIGN THAT HANGS OUTSIDE THE

MONKEY'S ENCLESH SURE.

I BELIEVE IT WILL WORK.

WE KNOW ONE PRODUCT IS MARKETED

TO NONHUMAN PRY -- PRIMATES,

SUMMER MOVIES.

>> OH, NO!

>> I'M GOING TO HURL!

♪ ♪

[LAUGHTER]

>> Stephen: THIS IS A TARGETED

CAMPAIGN THAT WILL USE IMAGES

THAT APPEAL TO PRIMATES WITH

PHOTOS OF THE ALPHA MALE OF

TROOP AS WELL AS A GRAPHIC SHOT

OF A FEMALE MONKEY WITH HER

GENITALS EXPOSED.

I HOPE THEY KEEP IT TASTE WFL

NONE OF AIR BRUSHED OR INJECTED

STUFF JUST BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL

MONKEY VAGINAS.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE --

[ APPLAUSE ]

-- THANK YOU.

BECAUSE THE LAST THING WE WANT

IS FOR THESE ADS TO CREATE

UNREALISTIC STANDARDS OF GENITAL

ENGEORGEMENT FOR THOSE YOUNG

FEMALES OUT THERE.

THEY ARE UNDER ENOUGH PRESSURE

AS IT IS TO RAISE A FAMILY AND

EAT THE TICKS OFF OF IT.

AS A SUPERIOR SPECIES THIS

EXPERIMENT WILL TEACH US NOTHING

ABOUT OURSELVES.

HUMAN ADVERTISING WORKS ON A SEW

SOPHISTICATED LEVEL.

FOR EXAMPLE.

I BUY DIET PEPSI FOR VERY URGENT

REASONS THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

[LAUGHTER]

THE POINT IS WE NEED A BOOST TO

THE ECONOMY, MONKEYS ARE SUCKERS

AND THANKS TO THIS AD CAMPAIGN

SOON WE'LL HAVE ALL THEIR MONKEY

MONEY JUST BY SHOWING THEM

BILLBOARDS LIKE THIS.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[LAUGHTER]

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