Herman Cain Drops Out

  • Aired:  12/05/11
  •  | Views: 50,578

Sexual harassment charges led to a surge in the polls, but Herman Cain's campaign simply could not survive allegations of a consensual relationship. (3:14)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

NATION, TODAY IS A SAD DAY

FOR AMERICA'S TOMORROW.

BECAUSE THE DAY BEFORE

YESTERDAY, HERMAN CAIN

SUSPENDED HIS CAMPAIGN.

THAT IS A SHAME.

HE TOUCHED SO MANY PEOPLE.

(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS, THIS COMES AFTER

SCURRILOUS ALLEGATIONS OF A

13-YEAR LONG AFFAIR WITH AN

ATLANTA BUSINESSWOMAN NAMED

GINGER WHITE.

LAST MONTH WHEN CAIN WAS

ACCUSED OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT,

SHE SURGED IN THE POLLS AND

RAKED IN THE CASH BUT HIS

CAMPAIGN SIMPLY COULD NOT

SURVIVE ALLEGATIONS OF A

CONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIP.

OF COURSE EVER THE STATESMAN,

CAIN LEFT US WITH A REMINDER

OF HIS TRADEMARK EL

CONSEQUENCE.

>> LET ME LEAVE WITH YOU

THIS.

AND I BELIEVE THESE WORDS

CAME FROM THE POKEMON MOVIE.

LIFE CAN BE A CHALLENGE.

LIFE CAN SEEM IMPOSSIBLE.

IT'S NEVER EASY WHEN THERE'S

SO MUCH ON THE LINE.

>> Stephen: YES.

STIRRING WORDS.

IT REMINDED ME OF WHEN

RONALD REAGAN CHALLENGED

AMERICA TO BE GREAT AGAIN BY

SAYING SCOOBY DOOBY DO,

WHERE ARE YOU?

WE'VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO

NOW.

BUT PERHAPS THE MOST

OVERLOOKED TRAGEDY OF CAIN

QUITTING IS HOW IT WILL

AFFECT HIS BOOK, THIS IS

HERMAN KANE.

AS I'M SURE YOU REMEMBER,

CAIN'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY ENDS

WITH THIS STIRRING

PREDICTION, WELL, I'M JUST

ABOUT AT THE ELEVATOR UP TO

THE FAMILY QUARTERS, BUT

BEAR WITH ME FOR JUST A

MINUTE MORE AS I CONFIRM WHO

I AM.

IT'S OBVIOUS I'M THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA.

JUST THINK, A FEW DAYS AGO O

THAT DIDN'T SEEM RIDICULOUS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: WHAT A SAD

COUNTRY WE LIVE IN.

SO HERMAN CA COMPANYIN WON'T

HAVE TO RECALL ALL OF HIS

BOOKS.

I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF

WRITING AN EPILOGUE YOU CAN

PASTE INTO YOUR COPY.

IT'S AVAILABLE ON COLBERT

NATION.COM TO PRINT OUT.

SUDDENLY I HEAR THE ALARM

RING.

I SLOWLY OPEN MY EYES AND

REALIZE IT WAS ALL JUST A

DREAM.

THEN I SNUGGLE UP TO THE

WOMAN I LOVE LYING BESIDE ME

AND I THINK WHEN I GET HOME

I'M GOING TO TELL MY WIFE

ALL ABOUT THAT.

THE END.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW MR. CAIN, I KNOW YOU'VE

DROPPED OUT.

PLEASE, PLEASE RECONSIDER.

I REALIZE YOU SAID NO.

BUT HUMAN CERTIFICATE THAT

HASN'T STO

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