George W. Bush Helps Break a World Record

  • Aired:  06/22/11
  •  | Views: 20,154

President Bush restores America's image by helping break the world record for most people wearing sunglasses in the dark. (2:16)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY

MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US,

EVERYBODY.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I WOULD CALL YOU NATION BUT

BASED ON THAT CLAPPING --

RHYTHM NATION, IT'S THE THIRD

NIGHT OF MY SUMMER CONCERT

SERIES AND I AM READY TO ROCK

OUT WITH MY SOCK OUT-- AND YOU

KNOW WHAT'S IN MY SOCK.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT BEFORE WE GET TO TONIGHT'S

JAM-SPLOSION, REGULAR VIEWERS

KNOW I'VE NEVER BEEN A FAN OF

GEORGE W. BUSH.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU CAN CHECK THE TAPE.

JIMMY, WE'VE DESTROYED THE TAPE,

RIGHT?

>> YEP!

>> Stephen: GOOD.

BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, HE HAS MADE

THE MOST OF HIS POST-PRESIDENCY.

LAST NIGHT AT A TEXAS RANGERS

GAME, PRESIDENT BUSH MADE HIS

GREATEST CONTRIBUTION YET.

HE HELPED BREAK THE GUINNESS

WORLD RECORD FOR MOST PEOPLE

WEARING SUNGLASSES IN THE DARK!

HE DID IT!

AMERICA'S BACK!

IF YOU'RE KEEPING TRACK, THE

U.S. NOW HOLDS THE RECORD FOR

MOST SUNGLASSES IN THE DARK,

HIGHEST INTAKE OF COOL-RANCH

FLAVORING,

AND MOST tV SHOWS ABOUT

HOARDING.

WHY AREN'T MORE EX-PRESIDENT'S

STRIVING FOR RECORD-BREAKING

EXCELLENCE?

WHY'S JIMMY CARTER BUILDING

HOUSES FOR THE POOR WHEN HE

COULD BE GROWING THE WORLD'S

LONGEST FINGERNAILS?

PRESIDENT BUSH IS FOLLOWING IN

THE NOBLE TRADITION OF

PRESIDENTS LIKE RICHARD NIXON,

WHO STILL HOLDS THE GUINNESS

RECORD FOR MOST ANTI-SEMITIC

SLURS PER MINUTE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT, WHO

WENT ON TO BE ONE OF THOSE

FAT TWINS ON MOPEDS.

SO BRAVO, PRESIDENT BUSH

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