Commitment to Mitt Romney

  • Aired:  01/11/12
  •  | Views: 45,026

After winning a non-binding caucus by eight votes and a plurality of the vote in one of the smallest primaries in the nation, Mitt Romney is a juggishnaut. (6:14)

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN"]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, THAT COULD NOT HAVE BEEN

MORE BEAUTIFUL IF IT HAD BEEN

SUNG BY A HALF-WORTH BARD.

TOUGH LIFE, THOSE HALF-WORTH

BARDS.

NATION, UNLESS YOU LIVE IN A

CAVE, I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD THAT

YESTERDAY'S NEW HAMPSHIRE

PRIMARY WAS WON BY MITT ROMNEY.

AND IF YOU DO LIVE IN A CAVE,

I'M GUESSING YOU VOTED FOR RON

PAUL.

THE MAN CAME IN A STRONG SECOND.

NOW, FORMER UTAH GOVERNOR AND

OBAMA AMBASSADOR TO CHINA JON

HUNTSMAN HAD BET EVERYTHING ON

NEW HAMPSHIRE, BUT HE CAME IN

THIRD AT 17%.

LAST NIGHT HE RALLIED THE

TROOPS.

>> I'D SAY THIRD PLACE IS A

TICKET TO RIDE, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN.

>> Stephen: YES, HE'S GOT A

TICKET TO RIDE, AND WE DON'T

CARE.

[LAUGHTER]

BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY EVERYBODY

KNOWS WHAT THE RESULTS OF NEW

HAMPSHIRE MEAN.

>> ROMNEY IS NOW CLEARLY THE

FAVORITE TO WIN THE NOMINATION.

>> I THINK IT'S SET IN STONE.

IT IS.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, PEOPLE

ARE PROBABLY GOING TO END UP

GOING TO ROMNEY.

>> IF HE HAS IN HIS MIND WRAPPED

UP THE NOMINATION AND HE'S OFF

TO THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN.

>> THIS GUY IS THE INEVITABLE

NOMINEE.

>> HE'S INEVITABLE.

>> I GUESS HE WAS INEVITABLE

AFTER ALL.

>> Stephen: YES, NOW THAT ROMNEY

HAS WON A NON-BINDING CAUCUS BY

EIGHT VOTES AND A PLURALITY OF

THE VOTE IN ONE OF THE SMALLEST

PRIMARIES IN THE NATION, HE IS A

JUGGERNAUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, FOLKS, I'M

STARTING TO SEE IT:

PRESIDENT ROMNEY.

IT COULD WORK.

SURE, HE'S NOT THE WARMEST

CANDIDATE OR THE MOST

CONSERVATIVE, BUT, YOU KNOW,

HE'S THERE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND LET'S BE HONEST, I'VE SEEN

THIS COMING FOR A LONG TIME.

IT'S NOT FIREWORKS, BUT, YOU

KNOW, I SHOULD JUST GROW UP AND

ACCEPT IT.

IT'S LIKE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

[LAUGHTER]

I SHOULD THINK OF MYSELF NOT AS

A VOTER, BUT AS A 12-YEAR-OLD

INDONESIAN GIRL PROMISED TO THE

RICH OLD MAN FROM A NEARBY

VILLAGE.

YOU KNOW...

[LAUGHTER]

THEY LOOK HAPPY.

THOUGH HE MAY SMELL OF WINE AND

FISH, HE IS A SUCCESSFUL MAN.

I SHALL SELL HIS NETS.

OH, MITT, OH, MITT, WHAT AM I

GOING TO DO WITH YOU?

I CANNOT TELL IF I'M MISSING

SOMETHING OR I'M JUST AFRAID TO

LET MYSELF BE HAPPY.

I'M SO CONFUSED.

YOU KNOW, IF THIS WERE A

ROMANTIC COMEDY, I'D GET ADVICE

FROM MY PERCEPTIVE GAY BEST

FRIEND.

>> STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: ANDY!

HOW ARE YOU?

ANDY COHEN, EVERYBODY.

FROM BRAVO.

>> STEPHEN.

HOW ARE YOU?

I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD.

>> Stephen: I'M FAT.

>> NO, YOU'RE NOT.

NO, NO YOU'RE NOT.

>> Stephen: YOU ALWAYS KNOW

WHAT TO SAY.

ANYWAY, HERE'S THE THING.

>> TELL ME.

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT

THIS GUY MITT, WHO IS COMING ON

TO ME SO HARD.

[LAUGHTER]

>> WAIT, MITT, IS THAT THIS BIG

SHOT PRIVATE EQUITY GUY?

>> Stephen: YEAH, I MEAN, HE'S

STABLE AND HE'S GOT GREAT HAIR.

>> HOW IS HE, YOU KNOW, BEHIND

THE PODIUM?

>>>> Stephen: ACTUALLY, HE'S A

IT WILL BORING.

>> KIND OF STIFF?

>> Stephen: YEAH, AND NOT IN A

GOOD WAY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> Stephen: LOOK.

WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT?

>> I HAVE NO IDEA.

>> Stephen: SERIOUSLY, ANDY.

EVERYONE SAYS HE'S THE BEST I

CAN DO, BUT HE'S GOOD, NO GREAT.

>> SOUNDS LIKE HALF MY ORGASMS.

DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE?

>> Stephen: YES.

>> WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW.

>> THAT WAITER JUST EARNED

HIMSELF A TIP.

>> Stephen: UH-HUH.

ANDY, I THINK HE DESERVES MORE

THAN JUST A TIP.

>> YOU ARE SO, SO BAD.

>> Stephen: I AM.

>> STEPHEN, THAT INCREDIBLY

HANDSOME WAITER IS RIGHT.

FOLLOW YOUR HEART.

RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE

PASSIONATE, LIKE A HONEY MOON

SALAD -- LETTUCE ALONE, NO

DRESSING.

>> Stephen: I NEVER THOUGHT OF

POLITICS IN TERMS OF SALAD

BEFORE.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT SUDDENLY I REALIZED, ANDY

WAS RIGHT.

I WANTED ARUGULA AND ENDIVE, BUT

I WAS GETTING ICEBERG.

WOULD I BA SAL MILK REGRET IT?

>> STEPHEN YOU'RE, MORE THAN THE

SALAD.

YOU'RE THE MAIN COURSE.

ANY CANDIDATE WOULD BE LUCKY TO

ORDER YOU.

BY THE WAY, IT'S PRONOUNCE

ON-DEEV.

>> Stephen: WHAT A BITCH.

[LAUGHTER]

THANKS, ANDY.

YOU'RE THE BEST.

>> REMEMBER, FOLLOW YOUR HEART,

AND THANKS FOR LUNCH.

>> Stephen: ANDY COHEN,

EVERYBODY.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

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