Sport Report - Steroids, Commonwealth Games & Brett Favre's Sexting

  • Aired:  10/13/10
  •  | Views: 50,277

Brent Musburger endorses steroid use, athletes overcome the Commonwealth Games, and Brett Favre allegedly texted naked photos of himself. (5:09)

COUPLE DECADES.

( LAUGHTER )

NATION, WE ARE IN THE THICK OF

THE BASEBALL PLAYOFFS, WHICH

MEANS THE PACE OF THE GAME HAS

GONE FROM STULT FIGHT TO

GLACIAL.

BUT I'M HERE TO SPEED IT UP TO A

GRINDING HALT.

THIS IS THE "SPORT REPORT."

( APPLAUSE )

FOLKS, MY STRONG SUPPORT OF

DESTROYED STEROID USE HAS MADE

ME A LONELY VOICE IN SPORTS

JOURNALISM UNTIL LAST WEEK WHEN

RESPECTED VETERAN SPORTSCASTER

BRENT MUSBURGER TOLD A

JOURNALISM CLASS AT THE

UNIVERSITY OF MONTANA THAT

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES COULD BE

ALLOWED TO USE STEROIDS, SAYING,

"HERE'S THE TRUTH ABOUT

STEROIDS, THEY WORK."

YOU CAN'T ARGUE THAT LOGIC.

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU WANT TO PLAY

SOME REALLY GOOD JAZZ, HEROIN

WORKS.

JUST ASK CHARLIE PARKER'S WIDOW.

[AWED YANKEES REACTS]

IT'S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE BESIDES

ME ENDORSED STEROIDS USE.

SPORTS ARE BORING.

JUST LAST WEEK IN THE BASEBALL

PLAYOFF, THERE WAS A TOTAL

SNOOZE FEST OF THE GAME WHERE

THE CINCINNATI REDS DIDN'T GET A

SINGLE HIT, AND THAT COULD HAVE

BEEN AVOIDED IF THE REDS'

PLAYERS HAD SHOT THEMSELVES UP

WITH A COMBINATION OF H.G.H. AND

MINUTE WAX MAHOGANY WOOD FINISH.

THEN NOT ONLY WOULD THEY BE

HUGE, THEIR ARMS WOULD TURN INTO

BATS.

MUSBURGER DID HAVE ONE CAVEAT

ABOUT TURNING SPORTS INTO A

CHEMICAL-FUELED MAN BEAST DERBY,

CAUTIONING THAT WHILE STEROIDS

COULD BE USED AT THE

PROFESSIONAL LEVEL, THEY HAVE NO

PLACE IN HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETICS.

EXACTLY.

AND THAT DISTINCTION SENDS A

CLEAR MESSAGE TO KIDS THAT

STEROIDS ARE NOT FOR THEM,

UNLESS THEY WANT TO BE AS GOOD

AS THEIR HEROES.

NEXT UP, FOLKS, I'M NOT FAN OF

THE BRITISH EMPIRE, BUT I DO

ADMIRE HOW THE MEMORY OF BRIT

TALLIAN'S RULE WAS KEPT ALIVE IN

THE COMMONWEALTH GAMES.

A GLORIOUS QUADRENNIAL ATHLETIC

TOURNAMENT WHERE HER MAJESTY'S

FORMER COLONIES GATHER TO

COMPETE FOR WHO WAS MOST

IMPERIALLY RAPED FOR THEIR

NATURAL RESOURCES.

BUT THIS YEAR'S GAMES IN INDIA

HAVE HAD A SPOT OF WORTHER.

JIM.

>> AT LEAST 15 SWIMMERS ON THE

ENGLISH AND AUSTRALIAN TEAM HAVE

A STOMACH VIRUS, POSSIBLY

BROUGHT ON BY THE QUALITY OF THE

WATER IN THE AQUATIC CENTER.

>> A SIGNIFICANT NUMBER OF

ENGLISH ATHLETES HAVE BEEN HIT

BY DIARRHEA.

>> Stephen: THAT MAKES FOR AN

EXCITING RACE.

YOU HAVE A REAL MOTIVATION NOT

TO FALL BEHIND.

( LAUGHTER )

BUT, FOLKS, THAT IS NOT ALL.

JIM.

>> THE SOUTH AFRICA DELEGATION

WERE HORRIFIED TO FIND A SNAKE

IN ONE OF THE ROOMS RESERVED FOR

THE COUNTRY'S ATHLETES IN THE

GAMES VILLAGE.

>> THERE IS A DEN GAY FEVER

ALERT.

>> TONIGHT THE WEIGHTLIFTING

ROOF HAS FALLEN IN.

>> LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY

THE GAMES ARE FALLING APART.

THE BRIDGE COLLAPSE HAPPENED

RIGHT NEXT TO THE MAIN STADIUM.

>> Stephen: THIS IS SO MOVING.

IN ALL SPORTS WE'RE INSPIRED BY

ATHLETES OVERCOMING PERSONAL

OBSTACLES, BUT ONLY AT THE

COMMONWEALTH GAMES CAN WE BE

INSPIRED BY THE ATHLETES

OVERCOMING THE COMMONWEALTH

GAMES.

WITH ALL THIS COVERAGE OF THE

PROBLEM OF THE GAMES, THE ONE

THING NOT COVERED ARE THE

RESULTS OF THE GAMES.

THAT ENDS TONIGHT.

JIMMY, THROW OUT THE

COMMONWEALTH GAMES LEADERBOARD.

OKAY.

SNAKES ARE ON TOP.

JUST EDGING OUT STRUCTURAL

FAILURE, DIARRHEA AND MONKEY

ATTACKS WITH DENGUE FEVER

FIGHTING OFF A STRONG CHALLENGE.

AND, OF COURSE, BRINGING UP THE

REAR, CAMEROON.

( LAUGHTER )

FINALLY, BRETT FAVRE, WHO FOR

THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS IS IN

THE NEWS FOR SOMETHING OTHER

THAN RETIRING.

THE BLOG DEADSPIN.COM HAS

REPORTED THAT FAVRE ALLEGEDLY

TEXTED A FEMALE NEW YORK JETS

EMPLOYEE NAKED PHOTOS OF

HIMSELF, INCLUDING ONE IN WHICH

HE WAS MASTURBATING WHILE

WEARING ONLY A PAIR OF CROCS.

NOW WE KNOW WHY FAVRE'S ANKLES

ARE SO BAD.

THOSE THINGS DO NOT PROVIDE

PROPER SUPPORT.

I DO WANT TO EMFA SIZE, FOLKS,

THESE ARE ONLY ALLEGATIONS.

AS CBS NEWS REMINDS US, DEAD

SPIN'S REPORT LACKS ANY HARD

EVIDENCE, WHICH IS

UNDERSTANDABLE AT HITS AGE.

I MEAN, THE GUY'S A GRANDFATHER

FOR PETE'S SAKE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

BUT EVEN IF THESE ALLEGATIONS

ARE TRUE, I GET IT.

CROCS ARE KNOWN APHRODISIACS.

JUST ASK THIS TURTLE.

♪♪

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