Obama Administration's Birth Control Mandate

  • Aired:  08/01/12
  •  | Views: 20,417

Women visit America's Planned Parenthoods to be hooked up to Yaz force-feeding tubes like sex-crazed, foie gras geese. (3:29)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOIN US.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US,

EVERYBODY [CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S LOVELY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, COME ON, PLEASE.

SIT DOWN, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU ARE TOO KIND.

ABSOLUTELY TOO KIND.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW THERE ARE SO MANY DANGERS FACING THIS NATION BUT SOMETIMES A HERO RISES.

WELL, TONIGHT WE SALUTE SENATOR AND GALAPAGOS AMERICAN MITCH McCONNELL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YESTERDAY ON THE FLOOR OF SENATE McCONNELL ONCE AGAIN ATTEMPTED TO REPEAL OBAMA CARE.

NOW WHY WAS IT SO IMPORTANT FOR HIM TO STOP IT YESTERDAY?

WELL, IT'S BECAUSE TODAY IS THE DAY THAT RUSH LIMBAUGH TRIED TO WARN US ABOUT.

>> THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION'S CONTROVERSIAL CONTRACEPTIVE

MANDATE GOES INTO EFFECT TODAY.

MOST BUSINESSES INCLUDING KAT LICK INSTITUTIONS MUST ENSURE THAT HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDES

BIRTH CONTROL COVERAGE TO EMPLOYEES.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.

FREE GOVERNMENT BIRTH CONTROL FOR ALL THE LADIES.

SO DON'T FORGET --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

DON'T FORGET RESET YOUR WATCHES AND CHECK YOUR CALENDARS BECAUSE

IT'S NOW WHOROCLOCK ON THE FIRST EVERYBODY REPORTED TO BELL HOOKED UP TO THE YAZ FORCE

FEEDING TUBE LIKE A SEX CRAZED.

THE GANGS OF HOT BLOODED SLUTS ARE MA RAWING THE STREETS.

OF COURSE, BIRTH CONTROL MEANS NO MORE AMERICAN CHILDREN, AND I THINK THAT WAS THE WHOLE IDEA.

LEAVES OUR WOMEN ALL THE MORE FREE TIME TO TAKE THE LOOSE LADY EXPRESS TO BONETOWN JUNCTION.

WORST OF ALL.

WORST OF ALL IF YOU ARE A REGULAR VIEWER OF THIS SHOW YOU KNOW THAT THIS YEAR MAXIM

MAGAZINE LISTED ME AS ONE OF THE 100 HOTTEST WOMEN IN THE WORLD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SO EVIDENTLY I'VE GOT NO CHOICE.

HERE WE GO.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

THERE WE GO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M IN THE SURE WHAT A DOSE IS SO I'M GOING TO EAT AS MUCH AS I CAN.

ALL RIGHT?

AND -- BOTTOM'S UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M SAD.

I'M RETAINING SO MUCH WATER.

I'M A COW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

MAN THIS, IS GOING TO BE ROUGH.

ANYWAY, LADIES, TRY TO FIGHT YOUR BIRTH CONTROL INDUCED SEX CRAVING.

JUST REMEMBER MITCH McCONNELL AND IF