Anderson Cooper's Phallus Party Accusation

  • Aired:  12/13/11
  •  | Views: 43,224

Anderson Cooper nails Stephen for covering old news, so Stephen breaks a shocking story Anderson Cooper doesn't want you to know about. (4:14)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE VERY KIND.

WELCOME BACK.

NATION, I AMMAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT

WHEN I AM WRONG.

NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE, BUT

THAT'S THE THEORY.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT MAKES THIS SO DIFFICULT.

LAST WEEK, MY COVERAGE OF A

VITAL NEWS STORY WAS CALLED INTO

QUESTION BY ONE OF THE MOST

RESPECTED AUTHORITATIVE

INSTITUTIONS IN ALL OF JOURNAL--

THE RIDICULIST PRESENTED BY SEEN

THEN ANCHOR AND CASPER AMERICAN

ANDERSON COOPER.

CNN, OF COURSE, THE MOST TRUSTED

NAME IN NEWS AND THE RDIDICULIST

A TIME HONORED STAPLE IN

JOURNAL.

THE FONT ALONE SCREAMS GRAVITAS.

IT IS THE SAME TYPE FACE USED BY

EDWARD R. MURROW USED DURING THE

BOMBING OF LONDON.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW ANDERSON RIGHTFULLY TOOK ME

TO TASK FOR A STORY I DID ON

DECEMBER 5 ABOUT A RELIGIOUS

CONSPIRACY THEORIST WHO CLAIMS

TO SEE FALL PHALLUSS IN THE

DENVER INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT'S

AT WORK.

>> TIME NOW FOR THE RIDICULIST.

COLBERT DID A STORY ABOUT WHAT'S

GOING ON IN THE DENVER

INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.

>> WHAT IS GOING ON IN DENVER?

NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO CRACK

THE CODE-- UNTIL YOU.

>> PHALLIC SYMBOL.

PHALLIC PHALLIC PHALLIC PHALLIC.

SHAVED PHALLIC.

SOMEBODY'S BUTT.

>> I DID THE STORY THREE

DIFFERENT TIMES SIX MONTHS AGO

ON THE RIDICCULIST IN JUNE.

THAT'S WHEN I DID IT.

JUNE.

I HATE TO SAY THIS, MR. COLBERT,

YOU, SIR, ARE ABOUT SIX MONTHS

TARDY TO THIS PARTICULAR PHALLUS

PARTY.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> GACHL.

AND IT WAS FOOLISH OF ME TO

BELIEVE THAT EVEN ON MY BEST DAY

I COULD BEAT ANDERSON COOPER TO

A PHALLUS PARTY.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT'S JOURNALISTICETTES 10 1.

ONCE A NEWS ORGANIZATION COVERS

A STORY, IT IS OFF LIMITS TO

EVERY OTHER ORGANIZATION!

THAT'S WHY AFTER WOODWARD AND

BERNSTEIN BROKE THE WATERGATE

STORY, FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS

THE "NEW YORK TIMES" SIMPLY RAN

THE HEADLINE: SEE "WASHINGTON

POST."

(LAUGHTER)

ANDER SON COOPER, APOLOGIZE FOR

RIDING YOUR PHALLUS TAILS.

I KNOW HOW PAINFUL THAT MUST BE.

FROM NOW ON I WILL COVER ONLY

STORIES THAT YOU DO NOT--

STARTING WITH THE SHOCKING STORY

ANDERSON COOPER DOESN'T WANT YOU

TO KNOW ABOUT.

THE PHALLIC IMAGERY ON A.C.

3660.

FOR MORE, LET'S HEAD OVER TO THE

PHALLUS FINDER 9600.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELCOME TO THE PHALLUS FINDER

9600 WHERE SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS

JUST A BROWN DRY PHALLUS THAT

LOOKS LIKE A SINGH CAR.

FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

TO FIND PHALLUS IN WONDERLAND.

NOW, HERE IS A SCREEN GRAB OF

ANDERSON COOPER'S ATTACK ON ME.

BUT, WHAT'S THIS?

A PHALLUS.

(LAUGHTER)

A PHALLUS.

A PHALLUS.

A PHALLUS.

(LAUGHTER)

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

(APPLAUSE)

PHALLUS.

ANOTHER PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

PHALLUS.

I REST MY CASE.

(APPLAUSE)

SO, ANDERSON COOPER, I AWAIT

YOUR RESPONSE.

WHEN I SEE YOU AT THE PHALLUS

PARTY.

DO NOT BE TARDY-- ALSO, WHAT DO

I WEAR?

(LAUGHTER)

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