Yahweh or No Way - Christian Card Counters, Pope Benedict on Marxism & Pope Cologne

  • Aired:  04/02/12
  •  | Views: 13,806

"Holy Rollers" shows the sacred side of Sin City, Pope Benedict XVI believes Marxism no longer corresponds to reality, and a perfumer honors the pope with a signature cologne. (5:33)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION, AS A ROMAN CATHOLIC I BELIEVE IN ORIGINAL SIN.

AND I'VE GOT TO SAY YOUR SIN IS TOTALLY DERIVATIVE THIS IS YAHWEH OR NO WAY.

>> FOLKS, I DO NOT APPROVE OF LAS VEGAS.

IF I'M GOING THROW AWAY MY KID'S COLLEGE TUITION I WILL DO IT THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY

BY ENCOURAGING THEM TO MAJ NEVER ENGLISH.

(LAUGHTER) THERE IS A NEW DOCUMENTARY THAT SHOWS THE SACRED SIDE OF THE SIN CITY, IT'S CALLED

HOLY ROLLERS.

THE TRUE STORY OF CARD COUNTING CHRISTIANS.

AND IT TURNS OUT THE BEST CARDS IN THE DECK ARE THE KING OF KINGS.

>> I COULDN'T BELIEVE THAT THERE WAS BLACK JACK PLAYERS THAT WERE ALL CHRISTIANS.

IT JUST SEEMED LIKE JUST GOD AT WORK.

I MEAN HE HAS CREATED ORDER IN THE UNIVERSE SO THAT CARD COUNTING IS EVEN POSSIBLE.

I BELIEVE EVERY HAND HAS BEEN DETERMINED BY GOD.

>> ANYONE WHO SERIOUSLY WANTS TO BE A DISCIPLE OF JESUS SHOULD LEARN BLACK JACK.

>> Stephen: SO TRUE.

AS JESUS SAID, THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH AS LONG AS THEY HOLD ON 16 AND SPLIT THEIR ACES.

SO THE QUESTION IS DOES GOD APPROVE OF GAMBLING IN HIS NAME, YAHWEH OR NO WAY.

>> JUST LOOK AT YOUR BIBLE,

FOLKS, RATE AFTER THE JAUS FINISHED BUILDING THE LUXOR HOTEL AND CASINO, GOD

CERTAINTY MOSES TO FABULOUS MOUNT SINAI FOR A BURNING BUSH FLOOR SHOW WE ARE DEALT

HIM A WINNING HAND AND TOLD HIM TO LEAVE THE ISRAEL LIGHTS TO A BARREN STRIP OF

DESERT WHERE NOTHING GROWS.

JUST LIKE VEGAS.

AND WHY DO YOU THINK THE ROMANS CRUISE SIDE JESUS,

THEY THOUGHT HE WAS RIPPING OFF CAESAR'S PALACE WITH HIS CHRIST SWELL, ST. PETER, HIS

RIGHT HAND MAN, ST. PAR BA THOL MEW, THE EXPLOSIVES EXPERT, ST. MATHEWS AND ST.ED THATTUOUS, THE ATTACKER.

NEXT UP, CUBIST COMMUNIST DICTATORS AND COLD WAR BEN & JERRY, FIDEL AND RAUL CASTRO.

RECENTLY FACED A FORCE MORE POWERFUL THAN THE CIGAR AROMA WAFTING FROM THEIR FACIAL HAIR.

JIM.

>> IN AN UNUSUAL-- POLITICAL EDGE IN A SQUARE THAT SYMBOLIZES CUBA, POPE

BENEDICT CRITICIZED CASTRO REGIME AND CALLED FOR FREE THOUGHT.

>> BEFORE ARRIVING IN CUBA BENEDICT CALLED ON THE GOVERNMENT TO RECOGNIZE THAT

MARXISM IN HIS WORDS NO LONGER CORRESPONDS TO REALITY.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

MARXISM NO LONGER CORRESPONDS TO REALITY.

CUBA NEEDS THE MODERN DIRECTION OPERATE PROVIDED BY A CHURCH WHOSE LEADER IS

INFALLIBLE AND GETS HIS INSTRUCTIONS FROM A BOOK WRITTEN BY NO ADDIC SHEPARDS

BETWEEN 2,000 AND 3500 YEARS AGO.

SO THE QUESTION IS, CAN HIS HOLINESS FINALLY BRING DOWN THE LAST SOVIET SATELLITE?

YAHWEH OR NO WAY.

YAHWEH.

FINISHING THE JOB THAT JP 2 STARTED WHEN HE JOINED UP WITH RONALD REAGAN TO BRING

DOWN THE BERLIN WALL, SEE BACK IN 1989 THE POPE FELT DOWN ON ONE SIDE OF THE WALL

WHILE GIPPER PUSHED THE UNSUSPECTING WALL RIGHT OVER HIS BACK.

AND POPE BENEDICT IS UP TO THE TASK BECAUSE HIS HOLLINESS MET WITH FIDEL CASTRO FOR A 30 MINUTE

PRIVATE TALK AND LO AND BEHOLD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 53 YEARS CUBA WILL RECOGNIZE

GOOD FRIDAY AS A HOLIDAY.

>> PREVIOUSLY THE CASTROS HAD RESISTED ENCOURAGING CHRISTIAN FAITH BECAUSE THEY

WERE AFRAID CUBAN WAS FOLLOW CHRIST'S EXAMPLE AND WALK ON WATER TO GET TO MIAMI.

AND FOLKS I GOT TO TELL YOU,

I BET HIS HOLINESS DIDN'T EVEN BREAK A SWEAT BUT IN HE DID, JIM.

>> CREATIVE ASCENT TO BE BORN EXCLUSIVELY BY POPE BENEDICT THE 16.

THE COLON REPORTEDLY EXODD PONTIFF PERSONALITY AND THEE LOGICAL OUTLOOK IT IS

INFUSED WITH LEMON TREE BLOSSOM AS A SMELL OF SPRING GRASS TO REMIND THE PONTIFF

OF HIS NATIVE BAFF AR YA,

THE WOMAN WHO CREATED 9 SCENT HAS ALSO WORKED WITH STING AND MADONNA.

>> THE POPE IS FOLLOWING IN STING AND MADONNA'S FOOTSTEPS.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT YEAR'S SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THE THEE LOGICAL QUESTION IS DOES THE POPE NEED HIS OWN COLOGNE?

YAHWEH OR NO WAY.

NO WAY, GUYS PUT ON COLE OWN TO ATTRACT THE LADIES AND IL PAPA IS ALREADY SMOLDERING.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH HE'S ALREADY GOT THOSE CHICK MAGNET RED SHOES.

BESIDES HE DOESN'T NEED IT BECAUSE POPE BENEDICT'S MIGHT CERTIFICATE ALREADY A

GIANT DEODORIZING CONE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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