Mitt Romney's Vague, Long-Winded Foreign Threats

  • Aired:  10/09/12
  •  | Views: 7,857

Mitt Romney proves he knows what Americans want in international relations: a few extra wars in Syria, Iran, Afghanistan and Libya. (3:35)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, PLEASE, NATION, LAST

WEDNESDAY'S DEBATE PROVED MITT

ROMNEY'S MASTERY OF ECONOMIC

POLICY.

BUT FOREIGN POLICY IS MORE OF A

CHALLENGE FOR MITT.

WE ALL REMEMBER WHEN HE VISITED

ENGLAND, SUGGESTED THE OLYMPICS

WERE DISORGANIZED, TOLD THE

PRESS ABOUT A SECRET MEETING

WITH M.I.-6 AND THEN MOTOR

BOATED HER MAJESTY.

(LAUGHTER)

EMBARRASSING.

PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT ONES

HANDS REMAIN AT ONE'S SIDES WHEN

BUTTERING THE ROYAL CRUMPET.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT IN A SPEECH YESTERDAY, MITT

PROVED HE KNOWS WHAT AMERICANS

WANT IN INTERNATIONAL

RELATIONS-- VAGUE, LONG-WINDED

THREATS.

>> IN AFGHANISTAN I'LL EVALUATE

CONDITIONS ON THE GROUND AND

WEIGH THE BEST ADVICE OF OUR

MILITARY COMMANDERS.

IN LIBYA I'LL VIGOROUSLY PURSUE

THE TERRORISTS WHO ATTACKED OUR

CONSULATE IN BENGHAZI.

IN SYRIA I'LL WORK TO IDENTIFY

AND ORGANIZE THOSE MEMBERS OF

THE OPPOSITION WHO SHARE OUR

VALUES.

AND THEN ENSURE THAT THEY OBTAIN

THE ARMS THEY NEED.

WE MUST MAKE CLEAR TO IRAN

THROUGH ACTIONS NOT JUST WORDS

THAT THEIR NUCLEAR PURSUIT WILL

NOT BE TOLERATED.

>> Stephen: FOUR MORE WARS!

FOUR MORE WARS!

FOUR MORE WARS!

FOUR MORE WARS!

YOU KNOW WHAT, FOLKS?

JUST TWO MORE AND I'LL PUNCH

CARD.

(APPLAUSE)

AND WE GET A FREE SUB.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, MITT'S STRONGEST

LANGUAGE WAS SAVED FOR IRAN.

>> I'LL PUT THE LEADERS OF IRAN

ON NOTICE THAT THE UNITED STATES

AND OUR FRIENDS AND ALLIES WILL

PREVENT THEM FROM ACQUIRING

NUCLEAR WEAPONS CAPABILITY.

>> Stephen: MITT WILL PUT THE

LEADERS OF IRAN ON NOTICE!

ONE OF THE STRONGEST THINGS A

PRESIDENT CAN DO NEXT TO DOING

SOMETHING!

(LAUGHTER)

AND, FOLKS, AFTER HE IS GRATED,

MITT WILL HAVE FULL ACCESS TO

THE PRESIDENT PRESIDENTIAL

ON-NOTICE BOARD.

IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS THEY

TEACH YOU THE FIRST DAY IN

OFFICE-- ALONG WITH THE LAUNCH

CODES AND HOW TO JIGGLE THE HAND

UNTIL THE LINCOLN BEDROOM TOILET

SO IT FLUSHES.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M AFRAID WE MIGHT NOT HAVE

THAT KIND OF TIME.

ROMNEY WILL NOT BE PRESIDENT

UNTIL JANUARY.

AND BY SOME ACCOUNTS IRAN IS

ONLY 60 DAYS FROM BEING 30 DAYS

AWAY FROM BEING 10 DAYS AWAY

FROM HAVING A NUCLEAR WEAPON AND

HAS BEEN FOR YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)

SO AS USUAL SAVING THE WORLD

FALLS TO ME.

BOYS, BRING OUT THE ON-NOTICE

BOARD.

LET'S DO IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OKAY.

(APPLAUSE)

LET'S SEE HERE, LET'S SEE HERE.

OKAY.

WE'VE GOT IRA GLASS, ISLETS OF

LANGERHANS, ILLEN COMMA.

HERE IT IS, IRAN'S LEADERS.

ALL RIGHT, YOU READY?

YOU READY, IRAN'S LEADERS?

MULLAH THIS OVER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BOOM!

IRAN, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY ON

NOTICE!

FORGET OBAMA'S WEAK-ASS ECONOMIC

SANCTIONS.

MITT AND I MEAN BUSINESS.

DON'T BELIEVE ME?

ASK YOURSELF WHY JANE FONDA

DOESN'T HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS.