Postage Price Hike

  • Aired:  01/08/13
  •  | Views: 21,224

The USPS Forever Stamp goes up by one penny, which proves the government can't do anything right. (2:27)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

[CROWD CHANTING SEE STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT, FOLKS.

I HAVE TO THANK YOU FOR THAT AND I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN HERE, OUT THERE

NATION, WE ALL KNOW THE ECONOMY'S NOT IN GREAT SHAPE.

JUST TODAY THE DOW DROPPED FIFTY FIVE-- OF WHATEVER IT IS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DOW-LERS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I WAS GLAD TO HEAR THAT ONE OF MY INVESTMENTS SKYROCKETED IN VALUE TODAY.

>> FOREVER IS GOING TO COST YOU MORE, AND BY FOREVER I MEAN UNITED STATES POST OFFICE'S

FOREVER STAMP.

COME JANUARY 27, IT GOES UP BY ONE CENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: FOLKS, I DON'T WANNA BRAG BUT BACK IN 2007, I BOUGHT DOZENS OF FOREVER STAMPS WHEN

THEY WERE STILL 41 CENTS A POP.

NOW THEY'RE 46 CENTS.

GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH THAT'S WORTH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVERY TIME I SEND A LETTER, THAT'S PURE PROFIT!

EVERY SECOND I'M NOT LICKIN', I'M LOSING MONEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT AS SMART AN INVESTMENT AS THIS WAS, IT JUST PROVES THE GOVERNMENT CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.

THIS PRICE HIKE IS AN OUTRAGE.

A PENNY?!

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, POST OFFICE.

I PUT A LETTER LIKE THIS IN A METAL BOX ON ANY STREET CORNER IN, SAY, MIAMI AND WITHIN A

COUPLE DAYS IT'S DELIVERED IN SEATTLE, WASHINGTON.

AND FOR THAT YOU WANT 46 CENTS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU GO TO HELL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT -- WHAT?

WHAT AM I, MADE OF CENTS?

WHAT'S NEXT? 47 CENTS?!

THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT'S AFTER THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL SCREW THE POST OFFICE.

AT THIS PRICE, I'LL DELIVER MY OWN LETTERS, THANK YOU.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOTE TO SELF, CHECK ORBITZ FOR FLIGHTS TO EVERYWHERE.

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