Popewatch Indeschism 2013 - One Pope over the Line

  • Aired:  02/26/13
  •  | Views: 28,687

After he retires, Pope Benedict XVI will answer to "pope emeritus," wear white papal robes and live in the Vatican alongside the new pope. (4:14)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN!"]

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE SIT DOWN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, EVERYONE IN HERE WELCOME TO THE PROGRAM.

DOMINUS VOBISCUM.

FOLKS, AS THE CARDINAL OF CABLE, I'M GIVING YOU NAVE TO NARTHEX COVERAGE OF POPE BENEDICT'S

RESIGNATION IN MY NEW SERIES "POPEWATCH: INDE-SCHISM 2013."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

REMEMBERS -- REMEMBERS FOLKS -- REMEMBER, IT HAS BEEN OVER 700 YEARS SINCE ANYONE HAS

VOLUNTARILY DEPOPED THEMSELVES.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, BUCKLE YOUR CHAUSABLE, BECAUSE THERE ARE DRAMATIC NEW DEVELOPMENTS.

WE ALL KNOW THAT WHEN A CARDINAL IS ELEVATED TO THE PAPACY, HE BECOMES THE HEIR OF ST. PETER

THERE CHOOSE A NEW NAME.

SO, NATURALLY, NOW THAT BENEDICT XVI IS LEAVING OFFICE, HE HAS ASKED THAT WE CALL HIM SIMPLY:

BENEDICT THE XVI.

[LAUGHTER]

OKAY.

OKAY.

THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO HAVE TO GET NEW TOWELS AND STUFF.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.

HE SAYS HE'S STILL GOING TO BE POPE EMIRITUS AND HIS HOLINESS, CONTINUE TO WEAR THE WHITE ROBES

AND LIVE IN THE VATICAN.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, THAT MEANS THERE'S GOING TO BE TWO PONTIFFS.

WE'RE ONE POPE OVER THE LINE-- SWEET JESUS, ONE POPE OVER THE LINE.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'LL BE CHAOS.

YOU CAN'T HAVE ONE VATICAN WITH TWO POPES.

IT'S LIKE GOTHAM WITH MULTIPLE BATMANS.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU SHINE THE BAT SIGNAL, ALL THESE CLOWNS SHOW UP.

[LAUGHTER]

I MEAN --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOLY SAUSAGE FEST!

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AFTER ALL, I MEAN -- I MEAN, WHICH ONE'S INFALLIBLE?

SAY YOU'RE HAVING A SMOKE BREAK IN THE APSE, AND THE TWO OF THEM START WALKING TOWARDS YOU

FROM DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS.

YOU'RE GETTING DOUBLE-POPED--

[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW D-P'ED--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THINK ABOUT THIS -- WHICH POPE DO YOU BOW TO AND WHICH ONE DO YOU JUST GO "SUP?"

[LAUGHTER]

AND IMAGINE THE CONFUSION IN THE BREAKROOM FRIDGE WHEN THERE'S MORE THAN ONE YOGURT LABELED

"POPE."

[LAUGHTER]

I'M SO WORRIED.

I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS.

AS AN OBSERVANT CATHOLIC, ---6- BUT, TO THE MAN'S CREDIT, HE'S NOT HOLDING ONTO ALL THE

TRAPPINGS OF POWER.

>> HE'LL TRADE IN HIS FAMOUS RED SHOES, THE PRADA RED SHOES, FOR A PAIR OF HAND-CRAFTED BROWN

LOAFERS OUT OF MEXICO.

>> Stephen: OKAY, RED SHOES ARE GONE.

MEANING HE IS NO LONGER ABLE TO TRANSPORT HIMSELF TO KANSAS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THIS IS SIGNIFICANT, I THINK HE'S LOSING THE SYMBOL OF HIS OFFICE.

>> ON FEBRUARY 28TH, THEY WILL TAKE AWAY HIS RING.

THE SYMBOL OF HIS AUTHORITY AND DESTROY IT.

>> Stephen: SO, I GUESS IT IS OVER AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT NOTHING.

BECAUSE THERE SHOULDN'T BE ANY PROBLEM WITH A REALLY OLD PERSON LOSING HIS RING OF POWER.

[LAUGHTER]�i

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