Colbert Super PAC - Stephen's South Carolina Referendum

  • Aired:  12/07/11
  •  | Views: 44,930

South Carolina's Supreme Court rules that non-binding, advisory questions like that of corporate personhood cannot be placed on a presidential primary ballot. (3:19)

[LAUGHTER]

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH I'M ON

IT, FOLKS?

YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW MUCH I'M ON

THIS PRIMARY?

JUST LOOK AT TODAY'S ANY TIMES.

THEY HAVE SOME STORY ABOUT ME

GETTING A REFERENDUM ON THE

SOUTH CAROLINA BALLOT.

THROW IT UP THERE.

COLBERT PUSHES CORPORATIONS ARE

PEOPLE REFERENDUM.

LOOK.

LOOK, FOLKS.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE REPORTERS GET

THESE WILD IDEAS OTHER THAN MY

PRESS RELEASE AND THE FOLLOW-UP

PHONE INTERVIEW.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT HERE'S THE TRUTH, HERE'S THE

TRUTH: I LOVE SOUTH CAROLINA.

IT'S MY HOME STATE.

AND IT'S FROM THAT RICH CULTURE

THAT I GET MY LOVE OF LIBERTY,

MY PERSONAL VALUES AND MY

CHEMICAL DEPENDENCY ON BARBECUE

SAUCE.

I LOVE IT EVEN MORE THAN I LOVE

COLBERT SUPER PAC.

YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO, SAY IT WITH

ME: MAKING A BETTER

TOMORROW TOMORROW.

YOU'RE GOOD.

WHEN WE FOUNDED MY PAC NINE

MONTHS AGO, NATION, I PROMISED

YOU WOULD BE PLAYERS IN 2012,

YOUR VOICE WOULD BE HEARD IN THE

FORM OF MY VOICE.

AND YOU WOULD BE HEARD ON THE

ISSUE YOU CARED MOST ABOUT,

CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE.

AND, FOLKS, THEY ARE PEOPLE.

IF YOU PUBLIC A CORPORATION,

DOES IT NOT BLEED?

NOW, TECHNICALLY I DOESN'T, BUT

IT DOES SUE, SO DO NOT PUBLIC

THEM.

-- PRICK THEM.

FOLKS, I WAS THRILLED LAST MONTH

WHEN I GOT THE SAMPLE BALLOT FOR

THE SOUTH CAROLINA REPUBLICAN

PRIMARY AND I SAW THIS

REFERENDUM: IN ORDER TO ADDRESS

THE MATTER OF CORPORATE

PERSONHOOD, THE ENFRANCHISED

PEOPLE OF THE SOVEREIGN STATE OF

SOUTH CAROLINA SHALL DECREE THAT

CORPORATIONS ARE PEOPLE OR ONLY

PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE.

DO YOU LIKE THAT REFERENDUM?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

DO YOU LIKE THAT?

I DO.

I LIKE THAT REFERENDUM A LOT.

THAT'S ALMOST EXACTLY HOW I

WOULD HAVE PHRASED IT.

IN FACT, THAT'S ALMOST EXACTLY

THE WORDING I SENT TO THE SOUTH

CAROLINA REPUBLICAN PARTY TWO

MONTHS AGO ALONG WITH A SIZEABLE

CASH OFFER TO PUT THIS

REFERENDUM ON THE BALLOT.

JIMMY, LET'S SEE THE REFERENDUM

AGAIN.

OKAY.

NOW PUT UP MY E-MAIL.

NOW DO SOME CSI STUFF WITH IT.

[LAUGHTER]

WHOO!

[APPLAUSE]

IT LOOKS LIKE COLBERT EAST SUPER

PAC IS IN THE POLE POSITION.

NOW IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU

WHAT UNLIMITED... IT JUST GOES

TO SHOW YOU WHAT UNLIMITED SUPER

PAC MONEY CAN DO.

ALSO, SUPER PAC PAID FOR THE

SUNGLASSES.

SO I GOT YOU YOUR REFERENDUM,

NATION.

UNFORTUNATELY LAST MONTH THE

SOUTH CAROLINA SUPREME COURT

RULED THAT NON-BINDING ADVISORY

QUESTIONS LIKE THIS ONE COULDN'T

BE PLACED ON ANY PRESIDENTIAL

PRIMARY BALLOT.

REALLY, SOUTH CAROLINA SUPREME

COURT?

NO NON-BINDING QUESTIONS?

I BELIEVE THAT SOUTH CAROLINA

DESERVES THE RIGHT TO VOTE FOR

SOMETHING THAT COULDN'T POSSIBLY

HAVE AN EFFECT.

AFTER ALL, JON

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