Thought for Food - Caffeine Edition - Funeral Home Starbucks & Car Coffee Makers

  • Aired:  07/16/12
  •  | Views: 14,087

Nothing soothes the pain of losing a loved one like your eulogy being drowned out by Starbucks employees making frappachinos. (4:18)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME BACK.

WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

NATION, DON'T TALK TO ME BEFORE MY MORNING CUP OF COFFEE.

AND WHEN IT'S DONE TALKING THEN IT'S YOUR TURN.

THIS IS THOUGHT FOR FOOD.

CAFFEINE ADDITION.

FOLKS WHEN A LOVED ONE DIES SO PAIN QUESTIONS COME TO MIND.

WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?

DID I TELL THEM I LOVED THEM ENOUGH?

AND WHERE CAN I GET A LOW FOAM SKINNY MOCHA LATTE.

FORTUNATELY A FUNERAL HOME IN SOUTH CAROLINA HAS THE ANSWER.

>> HE HAS BEEN BURYING THE DEAD FOR DECADE ITS AND NOW IT'S UNDERGOING A LITTLE RENOVATION.

>> THE MENU WILL BE THERE.

>> MEN SNU.

>> YES, THE MENU, THE STARBUCKS MENU.

>> A NEW ADDITION THAT ROBINSON THINKS WILL SOOTHE THE PAIN OF LOSING A LOVED ONE.

THE STORE WILL HAVE EMPLOYEE,

A CASH REGISTER, ALL THE THINGS YOU WOULD EXPECT TO FIND IN A STARBUCKS.

>> Stephen: YES, ROBINSON FUNERAL HOME IS SERVING STARBUCKS NEXT TO THEIR

CHAPEL AND CREAM TORE.

-- CREMATORY.

SO JUST BE SURE THAT CINNAMON ARE YOU SPRINKLING ON YOUR LATTE AND NOT SID BITTERMAN.

THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO EASE THE GRIEVING PROCESS.

BECAUSE NOTHING SOOTHES THE PAIN OF LOSING A LOVED ONE LIKE YOUR EULOGY BEING

DROWNED OUT BY -- -- JEFF,

HALF CAFF NO FOAM FOR JEFF.

HEY, YOU THE GUY CRYING BEHIND THE PODIUM, ARE YOU JEFF?

PLUS, A STARBUCKS AT A FUNERAL HOME WILL ENCOURAGE MORE PEOPLE TO COME OUT TO

GRIEVE FOR YOUR LOVED ONE.

YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF SAYING WOW, WHO KNEW UNCLE TED WAS FRIENDS WITH SO MANY

ASPIRING SCREENWRITERS AND HOMELESS GUYS WHO NEED TO ARMPIT SHOWER IN THE SINK.

NOW SAD.

SAD OCCASION.

NOW, NOW A STARBUCKS IN THE FUNERAL HOME IS GREAT FOR MOURNERS BUT WHAT ABOUT THE DECEASED.

DON'T THEY ALSO DESERVE COFFEE?

I MEAN-- WE'RE THERE TO HONOR THEM.

THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE MY PATENTED STEPHEN COLBERT COFFIN BARISTA.

WHY SPEND THE AFTERLIFE IN PURG TORE WHEN YOU COULD BE SPENDING IT IN PERCATORY.

NEXT UP, FOLKS, I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR WAYS TO SHAVE TIME OFF MY MORNING ROUTINE

SO I WAS THRILLED TO SEE THE LATEST INNOVATION FROM ITALIAN CARMAKER FIAT.

>> HERE IS SOMETHING TO PERK UP YOUR COMMUTE, FIAT IS TAKING OUT STARBUCKS.

THE CARMAKER FIAT WILL SOON BE OFFERING IN-CAR ESPRESSO MAKERS, IT ALSO INCLUDES

ESPRESSO MACHINE FOUR CUP ITS AND EVEN A SPOON HOLDER.

>> Stephen: IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME CARS CAME WITH A NEW BEVERAGE OPTION.

I WAS GETTING TIRED OF WIPER FLUID.

(LAUGHTER) AND FOLKS THE OTHER DRIVERS ON THE ROAD CAN FEEL SAFE KNOW YOU ARE NOT RECKLESSLY TEXTING.

YOU'RE MERELY BREWING SCALDING HOT COFFEE AT 70 MILES PER HOUR.

FIAT-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THIS IS A GREAT START.

BUT COFFEE IS ONLY ONE LINK IN THE MORNING CHAIN.

MIGHT I SUGGEST YOU ADD A FRONTSEAT DEEP FREYER, SUN VISOR WAFFLE IRON AND AN OMELET STATION.

(LAUGHTER) WHICH BONUS, WILL LET YOU DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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