Un-American News - Kim Jong-il's Furry Hat

Aired:  01/31/11 Views: 44,732

Decades of autocratic rule appear to be coming to an end for Kim Jong-il's furry hat. (3:04)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT!

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN,

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: GOOD TO HAVE YOU

WITH US.

NATION, YOU KNOW THERE ARE

MYSTERIOUS FORCES OUT THERE,

FORCES BEYOND OUR PRE

MENTION THAT HAVE A STRANGE

INFLUENCE ON ALL OFS.

I SPEAK OF COURSE OF THE

TERRIFYING PHENOMENON KNOWN

AS OTHER COUNTRIES.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS IS UNAMERICAN NEWS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: LET'S GET RIGHT

TO THE INTERNATIONAL STORIES

THAT'S DOMINATING THE

HEADLINES.

DECADES OF AUTOCRATIC RULE

APPEAR TO BE COMING TO AN

END FOR KIM JONG IL'S FURY

HAT.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE, LONG TIME KOREA

WATCHERS KNOW THAT IT IS AN

UNWRITTEN RULE THAT NOBODY

HE WOULD CAN WEAR SUCH A HAT.

UNWRITTEN BECAUSE NOBODY

THIS HAS ANYTHING TO WRITE

WITH.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, ACCORDING TO THE SOUTH

KOREAN NEWSPAPER, SOUTH

KOREA'S NEWS LEADER, KIM

JONG IL'S SON KIM JONG UN

HAS STARTED WEARING A TOP

QUALITY FURY HAT THAT ONLY

KIM JONG IL HAS BEEN WEARING

SO FAR.

IT MEANS THAT HE HAS NOW

REACHED ALMOST THE SAME

STATUS AS HIS FATHER.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND WE'LL KNOW

HE HAS FULLY TAKEN OVER WHEN

HE IS ALLOWED TO WEAR THE

SAME QUALITY ELEVATOR

REMAYORMAN ONESIE.

NOW CLEARLY FOLKS--

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: A FLATTERING

LOOK.

CLEARLY, WHOEVER HAS THE

FANCIEST FUR HAT IS THE

RULER OF NORTH KOREA.

(LAUGHTER)

WITH THAT IN MIND I WOULD

LIKE TO INTRODUCE KIM

JONG-BEAR.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NORTH KOREA, YOUR DAYS OF

BEING RULED BY THAT TYRANT

IN A BIG FURY HAT ARE OVER.

(LAUGHTER)

AND YOUR DAYS OF BEING RULED

BY A TYRANT IN A BIGGER,

FURRIER HAT HAVE JUST GUN.

MY FIRST DECREASE-- DECREE,

BRING BACK MASH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OH HAWKEYE, HOW YOU CAN BE

SO FUNNY IN SURGERY?

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, I DON'T WANT TO

DESTABILIZE THE KOREAN

PENINSULA ANY FURTHER.

SO I WILL NOW TAKE OFF MY

HAT AND RELINQUISH CONTROL

OF NORTH KOREA.

OR WILL I?

(LAUGHTER)

OH, OH, YOU NEVER SEE THE

SECOND HAT COMING.

(LAUGHTER)

OF COURSE

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