Cheating Death - Low T

  • Aired:  10/03/12
  •  | Views: 2,265

With testosterone therapy, middle-aged men now have a way to feel inappropriately good about themselves. (5:23)

>> Colbert: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I DO MY BEST YEAR AFTER YEAR TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY.

EVERY YEAR, I DON'T JUST GET MY PROSTATE CHECKED, I GET IT CHECKMATED.

>> AND MY APOLOGIES TO GARY CASS PAR I DON'T HAVE, AGAIN I WILL PAY FOR YOUR DRY CLEANING.

THIS IS CHEATING DEATH WITH DR. STEPHEN COLBERT, DFA.

..

>> FIRST UP, A DISCLAIMER, I AM NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR.

I HAVE AN HONORARY DOCTORATE IN FINE ARTS, MEANING I CAN'T CURE YOUR DERMATITIS BUT I CAN TREAT YOU FOR APPLE FACE.

AS ALWAYS, CHEATING DEATH HIMSELF, BROUGHT TO YOU BY PRESCOTT PHARMACEUTICALS, PRESCOTT, GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT.

TONIGHT, HORMONE HEALTH.

>> GRRRR! FOLKS, FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN MY MID 30S BUT OLDER FELLOWS KNOW THAT

WHEN YOU HIT A CERTAIN AGE YOU LOSE THAT SPARK AND YOUR SEX DRIVE GOES FROM I WILL TAG ANYTHING THAT MOVES TO MAYBE

TOMORROW, I JUST ATE A BURRITO.

THE REASON IS THAT AS MEN AGE THEIR TESTOSTERONE LEVELS DROP, BUT THANKFULLY, PHARMACEUTICAL MARKETERS HAVE THE ANSWER.

>> MILLIONS OF MEN 45 AND OLDER JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE THEY USED TO.

>> REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD MORE ENERGY FOR 18 HOLES WITH YOUR BUDDIES? MORE PASSION FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE? MORE FUN WITH

YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS? IT COULD BE AN EASILY TREATABLE CONDITION CALLED LOW T.

>> ANOTHER SIDE SIGN YOU HAVE LOW T, YOUR SHADOW STILL ENJOYS DISCO.

NOW, JUST HOW SERIOUS IS LOW T?

>> SO WHAT IS NORMAL FOR WHAT AGE? THE AVERAGE 20-YEAR-OLD TESTOSTERONE LEVELS CAN REACH AS HIGH AS 1,080 BUT AS YOU AGE THE

LEVELS DROP WITHOUT DRUGS, BY AGE 60 THE AVERAGE HIGH IS ONLY 720.

>> Colbert: 720? FOLKS, THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE.

OR EXPLAIN ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT THEY MEAN.

THANKFULLY, MIDDLE AGE MEN NOW HAVE A WAY TO FEEL INAPPROPRIATELY GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.

>> HE HAS TRANSFORMED HIMSELF INTO A YOUNGER MAN, 30 POUNDS OF FAT, GONE.

AND MUSCLE, BULGING MUSCLES.

>> HONESTLY I LIKE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR BECAUSE I LOOK FREAKING AWESOME.

>> Colbert: CLEARLY TESTOSTERONE MAKES YOU LOOK FREAKING AWESOME, OR DRASTICALLY LOWERS YOUR FREAKING STANDARDS.

AND AS THIS ATTRACTIVE LADY, DOCTOR KNOWS THERE IS PROBABLY NO DOWN SIDE TO ARTIFICIALLY SUPER CHARGING YOUR ENDO CRINE SYSTEM.

>> IF YOUR LEVELS ARE LOW AND BRING YOU BACK TO A NORMAL LEVEL OR OPTIMAL LEVEL YOU ARE LEVELING THE PLAY FIELD.

>> Colbert: YEAH, YOU ARE JUST LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD AND IF I ONLY ANSWER IN RHETORICAL QUESTIONS, CAN'T I, YOU KNOW,

NOT GET SUED FOR MALPRACTICE? OF COURSE, NOT EVERYBODY WANTS YOU TO LOOK FRICKING AWE SOME.

>> RIGHT NOW WE DON'T HAVE GUIDANCE IN THE MEDICAL RESEARCH THAT SUGGESTS IT IS SAFE TO STAY AT THOSE LEVELS.

>> Colbert: WHATEVER, DR. LOW T, MAYBE IF YOUR HORMONES WERE JACKED THROUGH THE ROOF YOU WOULD HAVE THE BALLS TO JAM

NEEDLES INTO PEOPLES IN EXCLUSIVE CLINICAL TRIALS!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> Colbert: WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

>> THERE ARE SERIOUS POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF TOO MUCH TESTOSTERONE.

BLOOD CLOTS, LIVER DAMAGE AND SOME DOCTORS ARE CONCERNED ABOUT ITS IMPACT ON PROSTATE CANCER.

>> Colbert: I WAS WATCHING THOSE DISASTROUS, INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO THOSE WARNINGS I WAS CHECKING OUT HIS MUSCLES.

>> Colbert: WE NEED TO BALANCE THEM OUT WITH SOME LADY JUICE.

THAT'S WHY PRESCOTT IS PROUD TO INTRODUCE TESTOSTERIN WHICH IS TESTOSTERONE AND ESTROGEN.

FOLKS, WITH LOTS OF THIS STUFF YOU WILL NOT ONLY HAVE SIX-PACK ABS YOU WILL HAVE DOUBLE D BREASTS.

YOU WILL NEVER BE LONELY AGAIN.

SIDE EFFECTS OF THIS MAY INCLUDE SICKENING AND ENLARGENING OF THE HEART AND A HIDEOUS PORTRAIT IN THE ATTIC THAT AGES AS YOU STAY YOUNG.

>> THAT IS SO MUCH FOR PHARMACEUTICAL, LOOK FOR OUR DISPLAY IN THE BODIES EXHIBIT.

UNTIL NEXT TIME, I WILL SEE Y

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