Donald Trump's October Surprise

  • Aired:  10/24/12
  •  | Views: 527,609

Donald Trump drops the biggest, classiest, most devastating election game-changer in the human history of time. (4:37)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HAPPY WEDNESDAY.

FOLKS, LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO IT.

WE HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE HERE

BECAUSE --

FOLKS, HUGE NEWS.

WE'RE ALWAYS LOOKING TO BRING

YOU THE BIGGEST ELECTION STORY.

AND RUMORS STARTED MONDAY ABOUT

A GAME-CHANGING OCTOBER

SURPRISE.

>> DONALD TRUMP NOW CLAIMS TO

HAVE A BOMBSHELL ANNOUNCEMENT

ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA.

>> A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT FROM

DONALD TRUMP COMING TODAY, AND

WHY IT MIGHT CHANGE YOUR VOTE IN

THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

>> I HAVE SOMETHING VERY VERY

BIG.

IT'S VERY BIG.

BIGGER THAN ANYONE WOULD KNOW.

IT'S GOING TO BE VERY BIG, I

KNOW ONE THING-- YOU WILL COVER

IT IN A VERY BIG FASHION.

>> STEPHEN: YES, BOARD UP YOUR

WINDOWS, STOCK UP ON CANNED

MEATS --THIS WILL BE THE

BIGGEST, CLASSIEST, MOST

DEVASTATING ELECTION

GAME-CHANGER IN THE HUMAN

HISTORY OF TIME.

OKAY?

THINK TEAPOT DOME, ONLY THE

TEAPOT IS ENCRUSTED WITH GOLD

AND WE'RE USING DIAMOND TEA

BAGS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE SPECULATION WAS RAMPANT.

WAS IT THE LONG-RUMORED OBAMA

DIVORCE PAPERS?

PROOF THAT OBAMA'S WHITE HALF IS

ALSO BLACK?

[ LAUGHTER ]

NO, EVEN BIGGER.

TRUMP DROPPED A TEN-MEGA-TRUMP

BOMBSHELL.

>> IF BARACK OBAMA OPENS UP AND

GIVES HIS COLLEGE RECORDS AND

APPLICATIONS; AND IF HE GIVES

HIS PASSPORT APPLICATIONS AND

RECORDS; I WILL GIVE TO A

CHARITY OF HIS CHOICE-- INNER

CITY CHILDREN IN CHICAGO,

AMERICAN CANCER SOCIETY, AIDS

RESEARCH, ANYTHING HE WANTS-- A

CHECK, IMMEDIATELY, FOR FIVE

MILLION DOLLARS.

ONE CAVEAT: THE RECORDS MUST BE

GIVEN BY OCTOBER 31ST AT 5:00 IN

THE AFTERNOON.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.

HE HAS TO HAVE IT BY 5:00 ON

HALLOWEEN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BECAUSE THAT NIGHT

HE'S RENTING OUT HIS ENORMOUS

ORANGE HEAD AS A JACK-O-LANTERN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, WITH DONALD TRUMP, IT'S

NOT ABOUT HIM.

IT'S ABOUT HELPING.

>> FRANKLY, IT'S A CHECK THAT I

VERY MUCH WANT TO WRITE.

MR. PRESIDENT, NOT ONLY WILL I

BE HAPPY, AND BY THE WAY TOTALLY

SATISFIED, BUT THE AMERICAN

PEOPLE WILL BE HAPPY AND YOU

KNOW WHAT?

THOSE CHARITIES WILL BE VERY

HAPPY.

>> STEPHEN: NATION, I AM SO

MOVED BY THIS GENEROUS OFFER

THAT I HAVE AN OFFER OF MY OWN.

RIGHT OVER HERE.

MR. TRUMP, I WILL WRITE YOU A

CHECK FOR ONE MILLION DOLLARS

FROM COLBERT SUPER PAC-- YOU

KNOW I'VE GOT IT-- TO THE

CHARITY OF YOUR CHOICE.

ANYTHING: SAVE THE CHILDREN,

FEED THE CHILDREN, PUT THE

CHILDREN ON CHILD APPRENTICE,

WHATEVER.

ONE MILLION DOLLARS -- IF YOU

WILL LET ME DIP MY BALLS IN YOUR

MOUTH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

BUT THIS DIPPING HAS TO BE TO

-- AND I HOPE YOU ARE LISTENING

CAREFULLY MR. TRUMP, THIS

DIPPING HAS TO BE TO MY AND MORE

IMPORTANTLY MY BALLS'

SATISFACTION.

OKAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

ONE CAVEAT: MY BALLS MUST BE IN

YOUR MOUTH BY NO LATER THAN 5:00

P.M. OCTOBER 31ST.

OKAY?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[ LAUGHTER ]

MY BALLS HAVE A THING THAT

NIGHT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOTHING WOULD MAKE ME HAPPIER

THAN TO WRITE THIS CHECK.

AND NOTHING WOULD MAKE AMERICA

HAPPIER THAN TO HAVE SOMETHING

GOING INTO YOUR MOUTH INSTEAD OF

SOMETHING COMING OUT.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]