Idaho's Walled & Armed Community

  • Aired:  01/09/13
  •  | Views: 35,294

An exciting real estate opportunity boasts family shooting ranges, a firearms factory and safety from federal thugs. (3:39)

Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN [ WELCOME TO THE BROADCAST.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

PLEASE.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, I HAVE A GREAT RESPONSIBILITY WITH THIS SHOW.

I AM A NATIONAL TASTE-MAKER.

WHEN I ENDORSE A PRODUCT ON MY SHOW, IT TAKES OFF.

YOU'RE WELCOME "THE CANDWICH."

[ LAUGHTER ]

SANDWICH IN THE CAN.

IT'S THE FUTURE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, I TRY TO NEVER USE THAT POWER FOR EVIL OR FOR FREE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO TONIGHT I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT AN EXCITING NEW REAL ESTATE OPPORTUNITY.

IT'S A WALLED AND ARMED COMMUNITY OF UP TO 7000 FAMILIES LIVING ON 3000 ACRES IN

THE MOUNTAINS OF IDAHO CALLED "THE CITADEL."

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE ARMED COMMUNITY OF 1.5 MILLION PEOPLE LIVING IN THE MOUNTAINS

OF IDAHO, CALLED IDAHO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, FOLKS, THE CITADEL OFFERS EVERYTHING A PATRIOT COULD ASK FOR, INCLUDING A FIREARMS

FACTORY,

[ LAUGHTER ]

FIREARMS MUSEUM,

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHOOTING RANGES, EVEN A LIBRARY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BECAUSE AFTER A LONG DAY OF BUILDING GUNS, ADMIRING GUNS, AND SHOOTING GUNS, SOMETIMES YOU

JUST WANT TO KICK BACK AND READ ABOUT GUNS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HERE, AT THE CITADEL YOU'LL BE SAFE FROM THE FEDERAL THUGS AND THE CO-OP BOARD.

BECAUSE IN ADDITION TO BOASTING THAT IT HAS "NO LEADER," THE CITADEL ALSO PROMISES, "THERE

WILL BE NO HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION AND THERE WILL BE NO RECYCLING POLICE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO GO AHEAD AND MIX YOUR GLASS, PAPER AND PLASTIC.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YOU'RE FREE NOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST FILL OUT THE APPLICATION ON THE CITADEL'S WEBSITE, WHICH ASKS

YOUR STANDARD HOME BUYER QUESTIONS LIKE: "ARE YOU NOW, OR HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A MEMBER OF, OR ASSOCIATED

WITH ANY RACIST GROUP OR SUBVERSIVE ASSOCIATION THAT ESPOUSES THE VIOLENT OVERTHROW

OF THESE UNITED STATES OR ANY INDIVIDUAL STATE?

IF SO, PLEASE ELABORATE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YES!

PLEASE ELABORATE!

THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE SOMEONE FULLY READ YOUR 700-PAGE MANIFESTO ON HOW THE CIA IS

COLLABORATING WITH FOREIGN BANKERS TO RIG THE RESULTS ON THE VOICE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OH, WAKE UP.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THEN JUST SUBMIT YOUR $208 APPLICATION FEE, PAYABLE IN GOLD AND OR SILVER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AS THE FOUNDERS INTENDED.

OR, AS THE FOUNDERS ALSO INTENDED WITH PAYPAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

OF COURSE, YOU MUST SOLEMNLY PLEDGE TO UPHOLD THE CITADEL'S 13-POINT PATRIOT AGREEMENT WHICH

INCLUDES PROVISIONS "THAT EVERY ABLE-BODIED PATRIOT SHALL MAINTAIN ONE AR-15, AT LEAST 5

MAGAZINES AND 1,000 ROUNDS OF AMMUNITION..." AND "ANNUALLY DEMONSTRATE PROFICIENCY WITH THE

RIFLE BY HITTING A MAN-SIZED STEEL TARGET AT 100 YARDS WITH OPEN SIGHTS," AND "DEMONSTRATE

PROFICIENCY WITH A HANDGUN BY HITTING A MAN-SIZED STEEL TARGET AT 25 YARDS WITH OPEN SIGHTS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

HITTING MAN-SIZED STEEL TARGETS OF COURSE, THE ONLY WAY TO BE

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