Tip/Wag - Norway & American Family Association

  • Aired:  10/15/12
  •  | Views: 19,155

Europe grants itself the Nobel Peace Prize, and liberal social engineering erases heterosexual boundaries at the lunch table. (6:00)

EVIDENCE OF LIFE CEREAL ON MARS.

NOW NATION, IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I'M NOT BIG ON GOSSIP.

BECAUSE BETWEEN YOU AND ME, GOSSIP IS A TWO-FACED-- THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF THE FINGER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FOLKS, I HAVE NEVER LIKED THE NOBEL PRIDESES.

ANY GOLD COIN THAT BIG SHOULD HAVE CHOCOLATE INSIDE.

(LAUGHTER) AND THIS YEAR IS NO EXCEPTION.

THE NOBEL IN LITERATURE GOES TO CHINESE NOVELLIST MO YAWN.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO GET THROUGH RED SORE GUME?

THE MO I READ THE MO I YAWN.

AND TONIGHT-- (LAUGHTER) I AM AWARDING THE WAG OF MY FINGER TO NORWAY FOR WHO THEY SELECTED TO WIN THE

PEACE PRIZE.

>> THE NOBEL COMMITTEE HAS DECIDED THAT THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE FOR 2012 IS TO BE AWARDED TO THE EUROPEAN UNION.

>> Stephen: OH, WHAT A SHOCK!

CONGRATULATIONS, EUROPE.

YOU GAVE YOURSELF THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.

(LAUGHTER) THAT'S THE SAME HUMILITY OPRAH SHOWED WHEN TAKING HER MAGAZINE COVER MOD-- WHEN PICKING HER MAGAZINE COVER MODEL.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NOBEL COMMITTEE CHAIR THORBORN JAGLUND EXPLAINED THEIR RATIONALE.

>> THE EUROPEAN UNION HAS HELPED TO TRANSFORM MOST OF EUROPE FROM A CONTINENTAL WAR TO A CONTINENTAL PEACE.

>> Stephen: OH BRAVO, EUROPE.

SO WELL DESERVED.

AFTER ALL, IT'S BEEN A WHOLE 13 YEARS SINCE YOUR LAST GENOCIDE.

BY THIS LOGIC, BY THIS LOGIC, I SHOULD GET THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR NOT MURDERING ANYONE LATELY.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'M NO LONGER ELIGIBLE.

(LAUGHTER) BUT SINCE POLITICAL UNIONS CAN NOW WIN NOBELS THESE DAYS I'VE GOT TO ASK, HOW ABOUT ONE FOR THE UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA.

BECAUSE I SEE-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YEAH!

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, I SEEM TO REMEMBER SOMEONE PUTTING AN END TO A COUPLE OF DUSTUPS THAT

EUROPE STARTED.

WHAT WERE THEY CALLED AGAIN?

OH YEAH, WORLD WAR I AND WORLD WAR II.

NO BIGGIE!

WE HAD PLENTY OF FREE TIME DIGGING OURSELVES OUT OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION.

OH, AND WHO SPENT BILLIONS ON MILITARY BASE ALL OVER EUROPE TO KEEP THE COMMUNISTS FROM BOOT STOMPING YOUR WAFEL FANS AND

VESPA DEALERSHIPS?

OH YEAH, OH YEAH, WE DID!

THAT'S WHEN YOU STEPPED UP AND CALLED ON US AGAIN.

OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED NORWAY.

YOU SEEM TO BE ON GREAT TERMS WITH THOSE GUYS.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAYBE THE UNITED STATES WILL JUST TAKE THE NEXT GLOBAL CONFLICT OFF.

KEEP US AND OUR MASSIVE PEACEKEEPING MILITARY AT HOME.

MAYBE GIVE OURSELVES A PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD.

(LAUGHTER) AFTER ALL, WE HAVEN'T HAD A WAR SINCE 1945, THAT WE'VE DECLARED.

(LAUGHTER) NEXT UP ON THE-- FOLK, WHILE I'M NO FAN OF VEGETATION I BELIEVE OUR SCHOOLS CAN TEACH OUR CHILDREN ONE THING.

IT CAN TEACH THEM THEIR PLACE IN SOCIAL PECKING ORDER.

BECAUSE THE TABLE YOU SIT AT FOR LUNCH IS THE TABLE YOU'LL SIT AT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

I SAT WITH THE MOST POPULAR GROUP.

THE AV CLUB.

AND NOW I WORK IN BOTH AUDIO AND VIDEO.

BUT A NEW BIT OF LIBERAL SOCIAL ENGINEERING IS THREATENING THE NATURAL ORDER.

>> IT'S CALLED MIX IT UP AT LUNCH DAY.

OCTOBER 30th IS THE DAY, IT ENCOURAGES KIDS TO SIT WITH CLASSMATES THAT THEY NORMALLY WOULDN'T TALK TO.

MIX IT UP AT LUNCH IS ABOUT BREAKING UP CLIQUES.

>> DON'T FALL FOR IT, KIDS.

MIX IT UP AT LUNCH DAY IS AN ATTEMPT TO ERASE ALL THE PROPER SOCIAL BOUNDARIES.

WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT JUST JOCKS SITTING WITH NERDS BUT ALSO SITTING WITH DORKS AND LOSERS AND LAMOS AND SPAZS.

(LAUGHTER) AND FOR WHAT, MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE WHAT SOME TWERP FROM THE MODDLE U.N.

WOULD SAY.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A BIG TIP OF MY HAT TO THE CONSERVATIVE EVANGELICAL GROUP AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION FOR SEEING

THROUGH THIS PLAN.

>> THIS YEAR THE PROGRAM THOUGH IS BEING TARGETED BY THE AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION, A CONSERVATIVE

EVAN GEL CALL GROUP SAYING THE PROJECT IS THIS, A QUOTE NATIONWIDE PUSH TO PROMOTE THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE IN

PUBLIC SCHOOLS.

>> Stephen: EXACTLY.

OH YEAH, OH YEAH, OH YEAH, WAKE UP, EVERYBODY.

MIX IT UP DAY PROMOTES THE HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE.

IT'S ADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND DWEEB.

IT'S A DEVIOUS PLOT.

GET KIDS TO LEARN THAT DESPITE OUR OUTWARD DIFFERENCES IN OUR HEARTS WE'RE ALL PRETTY OF THE SAME.

THAT LEADS TO OPEN MINDEDNESS, WHICH LEADS TO OPEN PANTEDNESS.

AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW, TIMMY AND BOBBY ARE MAKING MONKEY BUTTER.

THAT'S THE PC TERM THESE DAYS.

THAT'S THE TERM YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO USE.

(LAUGHTER) I UNDERSTAND.

NOW NO SURPRISE, MIX IT UP DAY IS THE BRAINCHILD OF THE FAR LEFT SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTERS TEACHING

TOLERANCE PROGRAM.

WHICH PUTS ITS HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA RIGHT THERE IN THE LOGO.

I MEANS THAT'S A FREAKY