Stephen Colbert's Tribute to Having Paul McCartney on His Show

  • Aired:  06/12/13
  •  | Views: 45,756

The most successful songwriter of all time, Sir Paul McCartney, agrees to do an hour-long show with six performances. (6:13)

♪ ♪

♪ LOOK AT ALL THE LONELY PEOPLE

--

♪ JO JO WAS A MAN WHO -- ♪

BAND ON THE RUN

♪ MAYBE I'M AMAZED AT THE WAY

YOU LOVE ME ALL THE TIME ♪

♪ EBONY AND IVORY -- ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

"REPORT," EVERYBODY!

WELCOME TO THE "REPORT," GOOD TO

HAVE YOU.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

SIT DOWN!

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,

WITH A GREETING LIKE THAT --

WITH A GREETING LIKE THAT --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, YOU

MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A ROCK STAR.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND, FOLKS, YOU'RE HERE ON A

VERY SPECIAL NIGHT!

AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?

THAT'S A TRICK QUESTION.

EVERY NIGHT ON THIS SHOW IS

SPECIAL.

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S JUST SAY THAT TONIGHT I AM

SPORTING SOME SERIOUS NORWEGIAN

WOOD BECAUSE --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

MY GUEST IS SIR PAUL McCARTNEY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SIR PAUL, OF COURSE, ONE OF THE

MOST SUCCESSFUL AND INFLUENTIAL

SONG WRITERS OF ALL TIME.

UP THERE WITH GILBERT AND

SULLIVAN, ROGERS AND HAMMERSTEIN

LENNON AND McCARTNEY.

(LAUGHTER)

WE ALL KNOW SIR PAUL'S SONGS

"YESTERDAY," "HAY, JUDE"

"ELEANOR RIGBY" "BLACK BIRD "GET

GET BACK" ALL IN ALL, SOME OF

THE MOST TIMELESS SONGS EVER

BOUGHT BY MICHAEL JACKSON.

(LAUGHTER)

IN 2009, THE GUINNESS BOOK OF

WORLD RECORDS NAMED PAUL

McCARTNEY THE MOST SUCCESSFUL

SONGWRITER OF ALL TIMES.

HE'S LIKE LEE REDMOND IF HIT

RECORDS WERE FINGERNAILS.

(LAUGHTER)

IN FACT, THE FIRST ALBUM I EVER

BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY WAS

GORDON LIGHT FOOT'S "DON QUIXOTE

♪ THROUGH THE WOODLAND, THROUGH

THE VALLEYS COME THE HORSEMEN

WILD AND FREE ♪

STILL, BLEW MY MIND.

BUT THE SECOND ALBUM WAS "HEY,

JUDE."

THAT'S RIGHT, KIDS, THAT'S

RIGHT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOUNG PEOPLE, PEOPLE USED TO BUY

MUSIC.

'70s WERE A CRAZY TIME.

(LAUGHTER)

ALTHOUGH HE'S OFTEN CALLED A

LIVING LEGEND, SIR PAUL'S RISE

TO FAME BEGAN AS A SIMPLE TALE

OF A 15-YEAR-OLD LEFT-HANDED

GUITARIST WHO DROPPED BY A

GARDEN PARTY TO SEE THE

QUARRYMEN.

HE JOINED THE BAND THAT BECAME

THE BEATLES THEN CONQUERED THE

WORLD PLANTING APPLE SEEDS WITH

BABE, THE BIG BLUE OX.

EVENTUALLY PAUL LEFT THE BEATLES

TO JOIN THE ARGONAUTS.

(LAUGHTER)

EVENTUALLY THROWING ALL OF HIS

GOLD RECORDS INTO MOUNT DOOM.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR TONIGHT'S

PERFORMANCES.

YOU NAME AN INSTRUMENT AND PAUL

CAN PLAY IT: GUITAR, KEYBOARD,

BASS, DRUMS.

HE'S A ONE-MAN KARAOKE BAR

WITHOUT THE WEIRD VIDEOS OF

KOREAN KIDS STEALING FISH.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, SIR PAUL'S PRESENCE HERE

TONIGHT DOES NOT MEAN I AM GOING

TO RUN TONIGHT'S SHOW ANY

DIFFERENTLY THAN USUAL.

HE MAY BE A GIANT, BUT THIS IS

"THE COLBERT REPORT" NOT THE

McCARTNEY RECARTNEY.

I'M GOING TO TREAT HIM THE SAY

WAY I TREATED LAST NIGHT'S GUEST

AUTHOR DANIEL BERGNER IN THAT I

WON'T READ PAUL'S BOOK, EITHER.

(LAUGHTER)

I-- AND I ALONE-- BUT, BY THE

WAY, BERGNER DID A GREAT

ACOUSTIC SET LAST NIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

SHOULD HAVE TAPED IT.

I CALL THE SHOTS IN THIS

BUILDING AND THAT'S JUST THE WAY

IT IS, OKAY?

I LET SIR PAUL KNOW, IT'S A HALF

SHOWER SHOW, WE HAVE TIME FOR

ONE SONG.

HE IMMEDIATELY AGREED TO DO AN

HOUR-LONG SHOW WITH SIX SONGS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW --

(LAUGHTER)

AND I SAID "YES, SIR, SIR."

(LAUGHTER)

SO I TOLD HIM WE REHEARSED AT

5:00 AND TAPE AT 7:00.

THERE'S SIMPLY NO OTHER WAY TO

DO IT.

HE SAID HE HAD TO LEAVE BY 4:00,

WE'LL BE TAPING AT 3:00 WHICH IS

7:00 SOMEWHERE IN THE ATLANTIC

OCEAN SO I CALLED THAT A WIN FOR

OUR SIDE.

I EXPLAINED THE TAPING SO EARLY

WOULD MEAN WE'D NEED HIM HERE

FOR 11:00 A.M. FOR REHEARSAL AND

HE AGREED TO GET HERE WHEN HE

GOT HERE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND AS WITH ANY MUSICAL GUEST WE

HAVE TO SECURE THE BROADCAST

RIGHTS TO THEIR SONGS, CLEAR THE

LYRICS WITH LEGAL AND, OF COURSE

NAIL DOWN OUR LIGHTING AND

CAMERA ANGLES SO I TOLD SIR PAUL

WE ABSOLUTELY HAD NO-NO IN

ADVANCE WHAT SONGS HE'D BE

PLAYING.

HE SAID "I UNDERSTAND

COMPLETELY.

I'LL DECIDE WHEN I GET THERE."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HE SHOWED UP, RIGHTING?

HE'S HERE?

OKAY, GOOD.

ANYWAY, YOU PEOPLE ARE THE

LUCKIEST STUDIO AUDIENCE OF ALL

TIME.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

DIG IT.

DIG IT, DADDY-O.

THIS IS GOING TO BE A 150-PERSON

PAUL McCARTNEY CONCERT.

YOU HEAR THAT, OPRAH?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU, OPRAH, YOU AND

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