Stephen Colbert's Free Americone Dream Day

  • Aired:  02/13/12
  •  | Views: 45,158

Stephen encourages members of Colbert Nation and their lovers to stop by Ben & Jerry's on February 14, 2012, for a free scoop of Americone Dream. (4:43)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,

EVERYBODY.

WELCOME BACK!

NATION, AS YOU MAY KNOW,

TOMORROW IS THE MOST ROMANTIC

HOLIDAY OF THE YEAR.

IT'S STEPHEN COLBERT'S AMERICONE

DREAM AT PARTICIPATING BEN &

JERRY'S SHOPS NATIONWIDE DAY.

IT'S THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY TO

SAY "I LIKE A BIG ASS."

(LAUGHTER)

TOMORROW ALSO HAPPENS TO BE

VALENTINE'S DAY, THE PERFECT

TIME TO REFLECT ON YOUR LOVED

ONES AND YOUR HATE-ONES.

FOR INSTANCE, MY ETERNAL ENEMY

FOR SIX MONTHS UNTIL MARCH 3,

JIMMY FALLON.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

NICE.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU SEE, MARCH 3 OF LAST YEAR,

JIMMY CAME ON MY SHOW TO

CELEBRATE HIS NEW BEN & JERRY'S

ICE CREAM FLAVOR LATE NIGHT

SNACK.

IT'S VANILLA ICE CREAM WITH

SALTED CARAMEL AND FUDGE-COVERED

POTATO CHIP CLUSTERS.

ALSO THE SAME INGREDIENTS OF A

CLEVELAND STEAMER.

(LAUGHTER)

TRUE STORY.

THAT NIGHT JIMMY AND I BECAME

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER FOR SIX

MONTHS.

LAST FALL JIMMY BROKE MY HARD

WHEN HE HAD BEN AND JERRY ON HIS

SHOW TO SAY THIS "THE BIG ISSUE

I WANT TO TELL YOU ABOUT IS I'M

OUTSELLING STEPHEN COLBERT'S ICE

CREAM.

>> THE FLAVOR IS DOING VERY,

VERY WELL.

IT T SHORT ANSWER IS YES, IT'S

OUTSELLING.

>> THAT'S RIGHT!

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> Stephen: JIMMY OUTSELLING ME?

WHO WHO'S BUYING IT?

ARE MORGUES USING IT TO CHILL

THE CORPSES?

(LAUGHTER)

SO THEN JIMMY AND I BECAME

ETERNAL ENEMIES FOR SIX MONTHS

AND I URGED YOU TO GET OUT THERE

AND BUY SOME DELICIOUS AMERICONE

DREAM.

I WANT TO BEAT JIMMY FALLON LIKE

A RENTED MULE!

MULE, BY THE WAY, ALSO A MAJOR

INGREDIENT IN LATE NIGHT SNACK.

(LAUGHTER)

JUST THINK, JUST THINK, THIS GUY

WAS EVER MY BEST FRIEND FOR SIX

MONTHS.

OH, JIMMY.

HOW LONG MUST WE FIGHT THIS

SENSELESS WAR PITTING BROTHER

AGAINST BROTHER, HOST AGAINST

HOST?

CARAMEL SWIRL AGAINST SALTED

CARAMEL SWIRL?

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S... THIS MADNESS HAS TO END.

MAYBE

>> MAYBE I SHOULD REACH OUT TO

HIM.

FOLKS, SHOULD I SEND JIMMY A

VALENTINE'S CARD?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> LET'S DO IT, LET'S DO IT.

OKAY.

GOOD IDEA, GOOD PEOPLE.

I'LL GET MY CARD STACK HERE.

GET WELL, GET WORSE.

(LAUGHTER)

TO A SPECIAL NEPHEW UPON HIS

PAROLE.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO, HERE WE

GO.

VALENTINE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)

"MY DEAREST JIMMYEST.

I KNOW WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE

ETERNAL ENEMIES UNTIL MARCH 3,

BUT WITHOUT YOU I FEEL LIKE

VANILLA ICE CREAM WITH SALTED

CARAMEL AND FUDGE-COVERED POTATO

CHIP CLUSTERS.

TERRIBLE.

(LAUGHTER)

SOMETIMES I LIE AWAKE AT NIGHT

WISHING FOR A GLIMPSE OF YOUR

FACE.

BY I ALWAYS FALL ASLEEP BEFORE

YOUR SHOW COMES ON.

(LAUGHTER)

SO I HOPE YOU'LL ACCEPT THIS

TOKEN OF OUR FRIENDSHIP AND

LET'S BE BEST BUDS AGAIN.

PLEASE READ THIS NEXT SENTENCE

IN A WHISER THE.

I MISS US.

SINCERELY YOURS, THE REVEREND

SIR DR. STEPHEN T. MOS DEF

COLBERT B.F.A., DICTATED NOT

READ."

(LAUGHTER)

NOW I'LL SEND THIS TO JIMMY

USING THE LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW

INTERNAL MAIL SYSTEM.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)

JIMMY FALLON.

FALLON, NOT KIMMEL.

FALLON.

GO!

(LAUGHTER)

HE'S SLOW NOW BUT ONCE HE TAKES

OFF HE'S LICKETY-SPLIT.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)