People Who Are Destroying America - Landscaping Goats

  • Aired:  10/14/10
  •  | Views: 101,618

Horny goats head to a Department of Defense nuclear sub base after stealing all the landscaping jobs. (5:49)

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, SPEAKING OF

IDLE HANDS, THE UNEMPLOYMENT

RATE CONTINUES TO HOVER AROUND

AROUND.5%.

SOME PEOPLE HAVE BEEN OUT OF

WORK FOR SO LONG, THEY CAN

HARDLY REMEMBER WHY I FIRED

THEM.

( LAUGHTER )

COMPETITION FOR SCARCE JOBS IS

COMING FROM EVERYWHERE.

AND NOW IT'S COMING FROM WHERE

YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

THIS IS THE PEOPLE WHO ARE

DESTROYING AMERICA.

WITH HIGH UNEMPLOYMENT

THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY, THE

THREAT OF OUTSIDERS STEALING

AWAY AMERICAN JOBS IS MORE

TERRIFYING THAN EVER.

>> THERE'S A LOT OF ARGUING

ABOUT WHETHER ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

TAKE JOBS FROM AMERICANS.

IT'S VERY CLEAR THAT THEY DO

THIS SOME INDUSTRIES.

>> TONIGHT WE EXAMINE ONE

ENDANGERED JOB, THE HARD-WORKING

AMERICAN LANDSCAPER.

>> THE ECONOMY TODAY IS VERY

TOUGH ON LANDSCAPING.

>> Stephen: MEET JEREMY, JOHN

AND ED OF NEW BEGINNING GARDEN

AND LAWN.

>> I'VE SEEN A LOT OF

LANDSCAPERS LOSE THEIR JOBS IN

THE LAST COUPLE YEARS.

>> Stephen: THEY'VE LOST THOSE

JOBS BECAUSE OF EMPLOYERS LIKE

THIS.

>> MY NAME IS TAMMY DUNNIGAN.

I RUN A LANDSCAPING BUSINESS.

BUSINESS IS GREG BETTER AND

BETTER EVERY YEAR.

>> Stephen: THAT'S BECAUSE

TAMMI REFUSES TO EMPLOY AMERICAN

CITIZENS.

FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE ROBERT

REICH THINKS MY OUTRAGE IS

UNNECESSARY.

>> WHEN UNEMPLOYMENT GETS VERY

HIGH, PEOPLE LOOK FOR

SCAPEGOATS.

THEY WANT TO BLAME OR PLACE

MAJOR BLAME ON IMMIGRANTS.

>> Stephen: EASY FOR HIM TO

SAY.

HIS LAND LANDSCAPING JOB ISN'T

BEING STOLEN BY TAMMY'S

UNDOCUMENTED EMPLOYEES.

>> MY GOATS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

THE SCAPEGOATS ARE GOATS.

( LAUGHTER )

>> I'M SURE THAT THE SCAPEGOATS

ARE NOT ACTUAL GOATS.

>> Stephen: SORRY, BOBBY, THEY

ARE ACTUAL GOATS, AND THEY'RE

GOBBLING UP OUR JOBS.

>> GOATS ARE BIOLOGICALLY BUILT

TO EAT BRUSH AND TO DO THIS KIND

OF WORK.

>> Stephen: CLIENTS LIKE RUSS

AYERS HAVE GONE GOAT.

>> I DON'T THINK THAT HUMANS

EVER ANTICIPATED THAT GOATS

WOULD TAKE THEIR JOBS.

>> Stephen: BUT IT HAS

HAPPENED.

>> IT HAS HAPPENED.

>> Stephen: AND IT'S ALL PART

OF TAMMY'S MASTER PLAN.

>> I WILL MOTT BE SATISFIED

UNTIL GOATS ARE DOING ALL THE

LANDSCAPING JOBS IN THIS

COUNTRY.

>> THIS WOMAN IS COMPLETELY OUT

OF HER [BLEEPED] MIND, I'LL TELL

YOU RIGHT NOW.

>> Stephen: GINO IS ONE

LANDSCAPER WHO ISN'T GOING DOWN

WITHOUT A FIGHT.

>> I TELL YOU THIS MUCH, IF I

FIND ANY GOATS ENCROACHING ON MY

OF MY JOBS, THERE WILL BE A LOT

OF GOAT STEW, WITHOUT A DOUBT.

COME ON, HOW CAN YOU COMPARE A

GOAT TO ME.

IT'S AN IMPOSSIBILITY.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,

COMPARING GOATS TO GINO IS AN

ABSOLUTE IMPOSSIBILITY.

>> GOATS WORK 24 HOURS A DAY

UNTIL THE JOB IS COMPLETED.

>> THEY CAN GO WHERE PEOPLE AND

MACHINERY CAN'T GO SAFELY.

>> THE GOATS COST US ABOUT

$2,000 PER ACRE.

A HUMAN CREW WOULD COST US ABOUT

$10,000.

I THINK THEY'RE DOING GREAT WORK

AT A GREAT PRICE AND WITH THESE

GREAT SIDE BENEFITS.

>> Stephen: SUCH AS?

>> THERE WILL BE GOAT [BLEEPED]

ALL OVER THE PLACE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

GOAT LANDSCAPING'S NUMBER ONE

PROBLEM IS NUMBER TWO.

>> THEY COME.

THEY EAT.

THEY POOP.

AND THEY LEAVE.

I DON'T THINK WE WOULD EVER POOP

ON A JOB SITE.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ I DON'T THINK WE WOULD EVER

POOP ON A JOB SITE ♪♪

>> THAT IS A PROMISE.

>> Stephen: DESPITE THESE

CRITICISM, TAMMY'S BUSINESS HAS

CONTINUED TO GROW.

>> THE NUMBER OF GOATS IN MY

HERD HAS DEFINITELY GROWN.

I THINK I STARTED WITH A COUPLE

OF GOATS, AND I'M UP TO ABOUT

130 NOW.

>> I'M GETTING [BLEEPED] MAD

NOW.

130?

THAT MEANS THERE'S 130 PEOPLE

UNEMPLOYED BECAUSE OF THIS

WOMAN.

HOLY [BLEEPED].

>> Stephen: AND WHY THIS

EXPLOSIVE GROWTH?

>> EVERYBODY MOUNTS EVERYBODY.

THE GIRLS MOUNT THE GIRLS.

THE BOYS MOUNT THE BOYS.

>> Stephen: ANYTHING ELSE?

>> THE GIRLS MOUNT THE BOYS.

>> GOING A GOAT WOULDN'T BE HALF

BAD.

>> Stephen: AT THIS RATE THESE

HORNY GOATS ARE PUTTING THE

ENTIRE INDUSTRY AT RISK.

>> IF THE GOATS WERE TO TAKE

OVER OUR INDUSTRY, THE RIPPLE

EFFECTS, YOU HAVE CORPORATE

AMERICA WHO MAKES EQUIPMENT.

THERE'S FACTORIES.

THEY'RE GOING TO BE

NON-EXISTENT.

FERTILIZER COMPANIES.

I'M SURE DOW CHEMICAL AND BHER

AREN'T GOING TO BE TOO HAPPY.

I'LL GIVE YOU SOME SERIOUS

[BLEEPED].

JOHN DEERE IS GOING TO BE JOHN

GOAT.

>> Stephen: AFTER THESE GOATS

HAVE STOLEN GINO'S JOB, NEXT

THEY COULD BE COMING AFTER

YOURS, AND IF THAT DOESN'T SCARE

THE GOAT [BLEEPED] OUT OF YOU,

LISTEN TO WHERE THESE GOATS ARE

HEADED NEXT.

>> SO THIS YEAR OUR GOATS WERE

HIRED BY THE DEPARTMENT OF

DEFENSE TO WORK AT A NUCLEAR

SUBBASE.

>> DOES OBAMA KNOW ABOUT THIS

STUFF?

THAT'S ALL I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT.

YOU GOT NO CONTROL OF WHAT A

GOAT IS GOING TO DO.

>> Stephen: SO, AMERICA, BE

AFRAID.

>> AS THE FORMER SECRETARY OF

LABOR OF THE UNITED STATES, I

CAN ASSURE THE AMERICAN WORKER

THAT IN MY EXPERT OPINION THERE

IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE

AFRAID OF GOATS.

>> NO, WE SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID

OF GOATS AT ALL.

THEY'RE NO THREAT TO US

WHATSOEVER, WELL, NOT UNLESS THE

JOB THEY'RE STEALING IS CRAWLING

AROUND ON THE GROUND IN THE

BRAMBLES EATING BLACKBERRIES AND

POISON OUT.

>> Stephen: WHAT IF THAT IS

THE JOB WE'RE TALKING ABOUT?

>> THEN THEY'RE A THREAT.

[BAAING]

>> Stephen: GOATS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

GOATS, IF YOU'RE GOING TO STEAL

OUR LANDSCAPING JOBS, HUMANS ARE

GOING TO START PRODUCING||

Loading...