The Word - Narcicitizenship

  • Aired:  03/26/13
  •  | Views: 103,731

The Supreme Court considers same-sex marriage, but Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss avoids the gay trap that snared Rob Portman and Dick Cheney. (6:42)

REINCE PRIEBUS, TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE: COME ON MY SHOW.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I GOTTA TELL YOU -- FOLKS --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M GOING TO BE PICKING THIS OUT OF MY SKIN ALL NIGHT.

AND REINCE PRIEBUS HAS HIS WORK CUT OUT FOR HIM, BECAUSE AMERICA'S MORAL FABRIC IS

THINNER THAN A PAIR OF LULULEMON YOGA PANTS.

[LAUGHTER]

THE GAY SWARM DESCENDED ON THE SUPREME COURT WHICH TODAY AND TOMORROW ARE HEARING

ARGUMENTS-- NO SURPRISE THEY'RE ORAL-- IN TWO CASES WHICH WILL DECIDE WHETHER GAY MARRIAGE IS

A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT.

I SHUDDER TO THINK THE UNNATURAL COUPLING OF SAME-SEX PARTNERS MAY BE PUT ON THE SAME LEGAL

FOOTING AS MY LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GUN.

YOU COMPLETE ME.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT IS THAT?

I'LL PUT YOU IN MY HOLSTER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOLKS, IF WE LOSE EITHER OF THESE CASES, IT IS GAY-MA-GEDDON AMERICA: LOST IN SEA OF HEDONISM.

IT'S ALREADY STARTED.

DON'T BELIEVE ME?

BRACE YOURSELF.

A DUCK HAS FATHERED A CHICKEN.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT IS TERRIFYING AND DELICIOUS NEWS!

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY, BUT THE BIBLE SAYS, MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN ONE MAN, AND THAT MAN'S RIB.

NOTHING GAY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT TRY TELLING THAT TO THE SECULAR PROGRESSIVES OUT THERE.

SUPPORT FOR GAY MARRIAGE IS SURGING LIKE RYAN GOSLING IN MY DREAMS.

KNOCK IT OFF!

I WILL -- I'M FLATTERED BUT I DON'T WANT TO SPOT YOU.

[LAUGHTER]

A RECENT POLL FOUND THAT 58% OF AMERICANS NOW THINK IT SHOULD BE LEGAL FOR GAYS AND

LESBIANS TO GET MARRIED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

AND THE OTHER 42% OBJECT ONLY BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO GO TO ANOTHER GODDAMN WEDDING.

[LAUGHTER]

THIS TERRIFYING DECAY OF PUBLIC MORALS BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD: NARCI-CITIZENSHIP

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, IF OUR FOUNDING FATHERS KNEW ABOUT THE ADVANCEMENT OF THE GAY AGENDA, THEY'D BE

SPINNING IN THEIR SILK PANTALOONS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN THEY WROTE OUR CONSTITUTION, HOMOSEXUALS WEREN'T EVEN INVENTED YET.

AS JUSTICE ALITO SAID IN COURT THIS MORNING, GAY MARRIAGE IS "NEWER THAN CELLPHONES OR THE

INTERNET." YEAH, AND IT WAS 30 YEARS BEFORE EVERYBODY HAD CELL PHONES.

WHAT'S THE HURRY, GAYS?

[LAUGHTER]

THE PROBLEM IS -- THE PROBLEM IS, THESE DAYS GAYS ARE EVERYWHERE.

57% OF AMERCANS NOW SAY THAT THEY HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER OR CLOSE FRIEND WHO IS GAY.

UP 12% SINCE 2007.

AND THAT TAKES ITS TOLL.

FOR EXAMPLE, OHIO REPUBLICAN AND REPUBLICAN FROM OHIO ROB PORTMAN.

>> CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN SENATOR ROB PORTMAN, WHO HAS OPPOSED GAY MARRIAGE IN THE

PAST, STUNNED WASHINGTON BY SAYING HE NOW FAVORS IT.

HIS REASON, HIS SON HAD TOLD HIM HE WAS GAY.

>> Stephen: HE CHANGED HIS MIND BECAUSE HE HAS A GAY SON WHICH IS NOT JUST WRONG BUT IT'S UNDEMOCRATIC.

BECAUSE HIS OTHER TWO CHILDREN ARE STRAIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MAJORITY RULE?

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

PORTMAN'S JUST THE LATEST VICTIM OF THE LONG GAY CON.

HERE'S HOW THE SCAM WORKS.

FIRST, A GAY PERSON DECIDES TO GET BORN INTO A CONSERVATIVE FAMILY, GAINS THEIR TRUST BY

LETTING THEM LOVE AND RAISE THEM, AND THEN 21 SHORT YEARS LATER-- BOOM!-- THEY SPRING THE

GAY TRAP.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO DICK CHENEY.

HIS DAUGHTER MARY CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE BY TUGGING ON HIS HEARTSTRINGS.

NOW, THANKFULLY, SOME REPUBLICANS ARE HOLDING FAST, LIKE GEORGIA SENATOR AND NOISE

BILL COSBY MAKES WHEN HE GETS OUT OF A CHAIR SAXBY CHAMBLISS.

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN ASKED WHETHER ROB PORTMAN'S FLIP FLOP HAD CHANGED HIS MIND, CHAMBLISS REPLIED, "I'M NOT GAY.

SO I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY ONE."

[LAUGHTER]

SUCK ON THAT , GAYS.

SAXBY CHAMBLISS ISN'T GOING TO MARRY YOU.

ERGO YOU DON'T GET TO MARRY ANYONE.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S THE SAME REASON, I BELIEVE.

THIS IS SAME REASON I SAY WE SHOULD ELIMINATE SOCIAL SECURITY-- BECAUSE I'M NOT OLD,

AND NEVER WILL BE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND WHY SHOULD I CARE ABOUT WOMEN'S REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS?

I DON'T HAVE A VAGINA.

I'VE CHECKED.

[LAUGHTER]

ALL SAXBY AND I ARE SAYING IS NOTHING IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR UNLESS IT'S HAPPENING TO YOU.

IF MEMORY SERVES, LINCOLN FREED THE SLAVES BECAUSE HE WAS BLACK.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT SENATOR CHAMBLISS ON THE OTHER HAND IS WHITE THAT EXPLAINS WHY HE'S AGAINST

AFFIRMATIVE ACTION.

[LAUGHTER]

AND HE VOTED AGAINST THE 2009 STIMULUS BILL, BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY GOT A JOB.

[LAUGHTER]

AND BY HIS OWN LOGIC, NO MARRIAGE IS LEGITIMATE EXCEPT MARRIAGE TO SAXBY CHAXBLISS.

[LAUGHTER]

SORRY, LADIES.

SO MARRIAGE IS SAFE AS LONG AS SAXBY CHAMBLISS NEVER TURNS GAY.

WHICH YOU KNOW, COULD HAPPEN.

BECAUSE HE HAS PROVEN HE REALLY ONLY CARES ABOUT ONE SPECIAL MAN.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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