Transitive Property of Christine O'Donnell

  • Aired:  10/14/10
  •  | Views: 79,974

Following Christine O'Donnell's ironclad logic, Stephen concludes that masturbating equals being gay. (3:49)

ONCE AGAIN, ONCE AGAIN, FOLKS,

IT'S SAD, BUT THE NATIONAL MEDIA

IS ATTACKING DELAWARE SENATE

CANDIDATE CHRISTINE O'DONNELL BY

DIGGING UP EMBARRASSING VIDEO

CLIPS FROM HER PAST.

TODAY THEY DUG ONE UP FROM ALL

THE WAY BACK ON LAST NIGHT AT

8:00.

( LAUGHTER )

OKAY.

IN HERE DEBATE AGAINST

DEMOCRATIC OPPONENT CHRIS COONS.

JIM.

>> WHAT OPINIONS OF LATE THAT

HAVE COME FROM OUR HIGH COURT DO

YOU MOST OBJECT TO?

>> OH, GOSH, GIVE ME A SPECIFIC

ONE.

I'M SORRY.

>> ACTUALLY, I CAN'T, BECAUSE I

NEED DO YOU TELL ME WHICH ONES

YOU OBJECT TO.

( LAUGHTER )

>> I'M VERY SORRY.

RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD, I

KNOW THAT THERE ARE A LOT.

>> Stephen: NAILED IT!

AFTER ALL, AFTER ALL, THAT IS

THE OFFICIAL TEA PARTY ANSWER TO

THAT QUESTION.

>> WHAT OTHER SUPREME COURT

DECISIONS DO YOU DISAGREE WITH?

>> WELL, LET'S SEE.

THERE'S... OF COURSE, IN THE

GREAT HISTORY OF AMERICA, THERE

HAVE BEEN RULINGS THAT...

THERE'S NEVER GOING TO BE

ABSOLUTE CONSENSUS BY EVERY

AMERICAN.

>> CAN YOU THINK OF ANY?

>> WELL, I WOULD THINK OF ANY

AGAIN THAT COULD BEST BE DEALT

WITH ON A MORE LOCAL LEVEL.

>> Stephen: BOOM SHAKA LAKA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

IN FACT, FOLKS, O'DONNELL

COULDN'T HAVE ANSWERED THAT

QUESTION BETTER IF SARAH PALIN'S

OWN ADVISERS HAD PREPPED HER FOR

THE DEBATE.

( LAUGHTER )

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, I'M BEING TOLD THAT SARAH

PALIN'S ADVISERS PREPPED HER FOR

THE DEBATE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OKAY.

SO IF ANY OTHER CANDIDATES OUT

THERE WANT THAT KIND OF ROCK

SOLID PREP, I'M PRETTY SURE

THOSE ADVISERS WILL BE AVAILABLE

SOON.

( LAUGHTER )

BUT O'DONNELL, O'DONNELL DID

HAVE A STRONG OPINION ABOUT ONE

COURT RULING.

JIM.

>> A FEDERAL JUDGE RECENTLY

RULED THAT WE HAD TO OVERTURN

"DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL."

THE MILITARY ALREADY REGULATES

PERSONAL BEHAVIOR.

IT DOESN'T ALLOW IF YOU'RE

MARRIED TO HAVE AN ADULTEROUS

AFFAIR WITHIN THE MILITARY.

>> Stephen: SO BEING GAY IN

THE MILITARY IS THE SAME AS

HAVING AN ADULTEROUS AFFAIR IN

THE MILITARY.

THIS IS SHOCKING IN LIGHT OF

ANOTHER COMMENT CHRISTINE

O'DONNELL MADE IN THE '90s.

>> THE BIBLE SAYS THAT LUST IN

YOUR HEART IS COMMITTING

ADULTERY, SO YOU CAN'T

MASTURBATE WITHOUT LUST.

( LAUGHTER )

>> Stephen: SO LET'S FOLLOW

O'DONNELL'S IRONCLAD LOGIC.

BEING GAY IN THE MILITARY EQUALS

COMMITTING ADULTERY IN THE

MILITARY.

THE MILITARY IS ON BOTH SIDES,

SO REDUCE THAT EQUATION.

SO BEING GAY EQUALS COMMITTING

ADULTERY, AND MASTURBATING

EQUALS COMMITTING ADULTERY.

SO BY THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY OF

O'DONNELL, MASTURBATING EQUALS

BEING GAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OH, MY GOD.

OH, MY GOD.

HOW COULD I NOT SEE THIS?

ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN DOING IT

WITH A DUDE.

( LAUGHTER )

BUT, NATION, THE SHOCK DOES NOT

END THERE BECAUSE BACK WHEN I

HEARD CHRISTINE O'DONNELL REVEAL

THAT MASTURBATION IS ADULTERY, I

TOOK IMMEDIATE ACTION AND

MARRIED MY HAND.

( LAUGHTER )

THAT MEANS I'M GAY MARRIED.

HOW COULD YOU LIE TO ME ALL

THESE YEARS?

WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE HIGH

SCHOOL.

( LAUGHTER )

WORST OF ALL, WORST OF ALL, WHO

DO YOU THINK YOU WERE FOOLING

WEARING

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