Jon Huntsman Out, Rick Santorum In

  • Aired:  01/16/12
  •  | Views: 42,287

Jon Huntsman goes back to the Land's End catalog he came from, and Southern Evangelicals get behind Rick Santorum. (4:36)

>> Stephen: HOLY COW STEPHEN,

STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> THANK YOU, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, NATION.

FOLKS, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE, PLEASE, AS MUCH AS I

WOULD LOVE TO SIT HERE AND

LISTEN TO YOU CHANT MY NAME

WE HAVE GOT TO GET TO THE

BIG STORY, ME.

YOU SEE, ON THURSDAY IN

RESPONSE TO LEADING JON

HUNTSMAN, 5% TO 4% IN A

MAJOR POLL I ANNOUNCED THE

FORMATION OF AN EXPLORATORY

COMMITTEE FOR A POSSIBLE RUN

FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE

UNITED STATES OF SOUTH

CAROLINA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THAT ANNOUNCEMENT HAS

COMPLETELY CHANGED THE

COMPLEXION OF THIS RACE.

IT HAS GONE FROM LINEN TO

EGG SHELL.

AND TODAY IT JUST GOT A

LITTLE OFF WHITER, JIM.

>> TODAY OUR CAMPAIGN FOR

THE PRESIDENCY ENDS, BUT OUR

CAMPAIGN TO BUILD A BETTER

AND MORE TRUSTWORTHY AMERICA

CONTINUES.

>> Stephen: FOLKS, DO YOU

SEE WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE?

THE MERE POSSIBILITY THAT I

MIGHT RUN FOR PRESIDENT BLEW

JON HUNTSMAN ALL THE WAY

BACK TO THE LAND'S END

CATALOG HE CAME FROM.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: GOOD.

AGAIN, THAT'S JUST FROM ME

EXPLORING THE IDEA OF

RUNNING.

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT

WOULD DO TO THE FIELD IF I,

STEPHEN T COLBERT, LOOKED

INTO THE CAMERA RIGHT NOW

AND OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCED,

BUT I'M NOT--

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: BY THE WAY, THAT

SNAPPING SOUND YOU HEARD

JUST NOW WAS THE SPHINCTERS

OF THE OTHER CANDIDATES

SLAMMING SHUT.

YOU HAVE TO LISTEN.

YOU HAVE TO LISTEN CLOSELY

FOR ROMNEY BECAUSE IT STARTS

OUT ABOUT 90% CLENCHED.

ALL RIGHT.

SO HERE'S WHERE WE ARE.

HERE'S WHERE WE ARE, FOLKS.

HUNTSMAN'S GONE.

AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE

SAYING THAT THIS IS JUST

ANOTHER SIGN THAT MITT

ROMNEY HAS THIS RACE ALL

WRAPPED UP.

BUT NOT SO FAST.

CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES ARE

STILL KEEPING THEIR OPTIONS

OPEN AS RICHARD LAND

PRESIDENT OF THE SOUTHERN

BAPTIST CONVENTION EXPLAINS.

>> BEFORE WE MARRY THE GUY

NEXT DOOR, DON'T YOU THINK

WE OUGHT TO HAVE A FLING

WITH A TALL DARK STRANGER

AND SEE IF HE CAN SUPPORT US

IN THE MANNER IN WHICH WE

WOULD LIKE TO BE ACCUSTOMED.

AND IF WE CAN'T WE CAN

ALWAYS MARRY THE STEADY BEAU

WHO LIVES NEXT DOOR

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: YES, BEFORE

CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVES

SETTLE DOWN AND MARRY THE

GUY NEXT DOOR, THEY SHOULD

BANG A DARK STRANGER A FEW

TIMES.

NO NAMES, JUST ANONYMOUS,

HOT, SWEATY, MEAT SLAPPING.

YOU KNOW.

FAMILY VALUES.

(APPLAUSE)

SO TO COALESCE BEHIND A

SINGLE CANDIDATE IN SOUTH

CAROLINA EVANGELICAL LEADERS

GATHERED IN TEXAS AND TOOK A

VOTE.

>> THE SOCIAL CONSERVATIVE

LEADERS IN TEXAS OVER THE

WEEKEND AFTER THREE BALLOTS

OVERWHELMINGLY CHOSE

SANTORUM.

>> SANTORUM AFTER THREE

BALLOTS.

IT WAS JUST LIKE THE COLLEGE

OF CARDINALS SELECTING A NEW

POPE.

EXCEPT THAT THEY ANNOUNCED

THEIR SELECTION WITH A WHITE

PUFF OF BARBECUE SMOKE.

AND FOLKS, THIS COULD BE BIG

FOR SANTORUM.

ALTHOUGH THERE IS SOME DOUBT

HOW MUCH GOD'S ENDORSEMENT

ON SATURDAY COULD HELP.

IT DIDN'T DO MUCH FOR TIM

TEBOW.

NOW PERSONALLY-- PERSONALLY

I WOULD NOT HAVE GONE WITH

SANTORUM.

IF I WERE GOD, I WOULD HAVE

GONE WITH ME.

(LAUGHTER)

I MEAN WHY NOT, FOLKS.

I'M A SOCIAL CONSERVATIVE, I

TEACH SUNDAY SCHOOL, I

ATTEND CHURCH, AND MOST

IMPORTANTLY, I AM A WAY

BIGGER HOMOPHOBE THAN RICK

SANTORUM.

NOW SURE, SURE, HE'S PRETTY

GOOD.

HE OPPOSES GAY SEX.

BUT HE'S STILL IN FAVOR OF

HETEROSEXUAL SEX.

BUT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

THERE'S A DUDE IN THERE,

THAT'S PRETTY GAY.

THAT'S WHY I ONLY SUPPORT

THE LADY LOVEIN LADIES.

THAT'S THE ONLY STRAIGHT

KIND.

THINK ABOUT IT.

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