Tip/Wag - Art Edition - Brent Glass

  • Aired:  12/08/10
  •  | Views: 43,740

Steve Martin disappoints his audience by talking about art, Eric Cantor critiques an offensive video installation, and Brent Glass receives Stephen's rally jumpsuit. (8:01)

( APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO "THE

REPORT."

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

PLEASE.

THANK YOU, NATION.

NATION, FOLKS, OBVIOUSLY YOU

TONIGHT, YOU ARE EXCITED, AND I

AM VERY, VERY EXCITED ABOUT MY

GUEST TONIGHT, STEVE MARTIN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

HE'S GOT A NEW BOOK OUT.

IT'S CALLED "AN OBJECT OF

BEAUTY," AND IT'S ALL ABOUT THE

NEW YORK ART WORLD.

IT IS A TERRIFIC READ...

I AM TOLD.

( LAUGHTER )

AND I'M A HUGE FAN OF STEVE

MARTIN, SO IN HIS HONOR,

TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL BE DEVOTED

ENTIRELY TO THE SUBJECT OF ART.

WARNING: IF I GET PARTICULARLY

INSPIRED, SOME OF YOU MAY HAVE

TO POSE NUDE.

THIS IS "TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER."

ART EDITION.

FIRST UP, A WAG OF MY FINGER AT

STEVE MARTIN.

FREE RIDE'S OVER, STEVE.

MARTIN RECENTLY APPEARED AT THE

92nd STREET Y HERE IN NEW YORK

CITY IN SUPPORT OF THIS BOOK OF

HIS ABOUT ART, BUT UNFORTUNATELY

THE LECTURE WAS NOT WELL

RECEIVED.

JIM.

>> STEVE MARTIN FANS ARE NOT

LAUGHING ABOUT HIS PERFORMANCE

AT THE 92nd STREET Y HERE IN

NEW YORK CITY THE OTHER NIGHT.

NOW, THEY BECAME IRATE WHEN

MARTIN KEPT TALKING ABOUT HIS

NEW BOOK, "AN OBJECT OF BEAUTY,"

INSTEAD OF HIS MOVIES.

THE Y HAS AGREED TO REFUND

UNHAPPY FANS $50.

>> Stephen: HOW DARE YOU,

STEVE MARTIN!

WHEN AN AUDIENCE OF

SOPHISTICATED MANHATTANITES

SEES AN ADVERTISEMENT FOR STEVE

MARTIN WITH DEBRA SOLOMON, WHO

AN ART HISTORIAN, THEY EXPECT A

DISCUSSION OF "THE PINK

PANTHER," "IT'S COMPLICATED" AND

"SERGEANT BILKO."

ART.

INSTEAD STEVE MARTIN TALKS ABOUT

THE SUBJECT OF THE BOOK HE JUST

WROTE?

COME ON!

IF YOU GO TO SEE STEVE MARTIN IN

2010, YOU WANT TO SEE THE HOT,

FRESH STUFF FROM 1978.

WHERE IS THE ARROW THROUGH THE

HEAD, THE WILD AND CRAZY GUY,

THE SMASHING WATERMELONS, HIS

CLASSIC BITS?

I MYSELF AM A STEVE MARTIN

ORIGINALIST.

EVER SINCE HE STOPPED DOING

MAGIC TRICKS AT MERLIN'S MAGIC

SHOP IN DISNEYLAND, I CONSIDER

HIM A SELL-OUT.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY

IT -- ARTISTS DO NOT GET TO

EVOLVE.

STEVE MARTIN NEEDS TO STOP BEING

A JERK AND BE "THE JERK."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

NEXT...

YEAH.

YES.

THANK YOU FOR AGREEING WITH ME.

( LAUGHTER )

NEXT THE SMITHSONIAN'S NATIONAL

PORTRAIT GALLERY RECENTLY HOSTED

A VIDEO INSTALLATION CALLED

"FIRE IN MY BELLY" BY ARTIST

DAVID WANNAROVICH, WHO DIED OF

AIDS, AND WHICH BRIEFLY SHOWS

ANTS CRAWLING ON A CRUCIFIX TO

EQUATE THE LONELY SUFFERING OF

CHRIST WITH THE LONELY SUFFERING

OF AIDS PATIENTS.

WELL, LAST WEEK THEY REMOVED THE

PIECE BASED ON THE FINEST

AESTHETIC CRITERA: REPUBLICANS

THREATENED THEIR FUNDING.

( LAUGHTER )

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A TIP OF

MY HAT TO INCOMING HOUSE

MAJORITY LEADER ERIC CANTOR, WHO

SAID OF THE PIECE, "THIS IS AN

OBVIOUS ATTEMPT TO OFFEND

CHRISTIANS DURING THE CHRISTMAS

SEASON.

THE MUSEUM SHOULD PULL THE

EXHIBIT AND BE PREPARED FOR

SERIOUS QUESTIONS COME BUDGET

TIME."

OF COURSE, THIS DREW ALL KINDS

OF FIRE FROM ART CRITICS WHO, NO

SURPRISE, JUST DON'T GET

CANTOR'S WORK.

THIS DEFUNDING THREAT ISN'T SOME

CHEAP EXERCISE IN MINDLESS

CENSORSHIP.

IT'S AN ANTI-PARADIGMATIC

REVOLUTIONARY WORK OF CONCEPTUAL

ART BANNING.

( LAUGHTER )

AND WHILE ITS POINT OF DEPARTURE

MAY BE SENATOR JESSE HELMS'

ADMITTEDLY GROUNDBREAKING

DEFUNDING OF THE NATIONAL

ENDOWMENT FOR THE ARTS OVER

ANDRE SERRANO'S "PISS CHRIST,"

IT'S NOT A DERIVATIVE "OH, I'M A

CHRISTIAN, I'M OFFENDED,"

BECAUSE AS THE ONLY JEWISH

REPUBLICAN IN CONGRESS, CANTOR'S

OUTRAGE ON BEHALF OF CHRISTIANS

AND CHRISTMAS IS A LIMNAL

JOURNEY INTO THE CULTURAL

UR-WOUND, EXPLODING OUR NARROW

PRECONCEPTIONS OF WHAT IT MEANS

TO PANDER.

( LAUGHTER )

HE POSITS: "IN A

POST-METAPHYSICAL WORLD, IS

THERE RECOURSE TO

INTERSUBJECTIVE MEANING?"

SANS ARTIFICE, EACH IDENTITY IS

JUST A SENSELESSLY

DIFFERENTIATED ITERATION OF

ROUTINIZED TROPES.

BUT CANTOR'S META-REIFICATION

MIRRORS OUR OWN INCONTROVERTIBLE

PASSIVITY, WHICH IS THRUST BACK

UPON US, REFRAMED, AND IN A

HABERMASSIAN TWIST, WE REALIZE

THE FINAL AFFIRMATIVE GESTURE OF

HIS SOLIPSISTIC NEGATION.

THUS, CANTOR'S ART IS ABOUT THE

ART THAT ISN'T THERE, MAKING THE

INACCESSIBLE LITERALLY

INACCESSIBLE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

OR MAYBE HE'S JUST TOO HIP FOR

THE ROOM.

( LAUGHTER )

ANYWAY, GOOD JOB SHUTTING DOWN

THE SMITHSONIAN, SIR.

COINCIDENTALLY, NEXT TIP OF THE

HAT GOES TO THE SMITHSONIAN FOR

MAKING ROOM IN THEIR COLLECTION

FOR A NEW MASTERPIECE -- ME.

THE SMITHSONIAN INSTITUTION'S

NATIONAL MUSEUM OF AMERICAN

HISTORY HAS ASKED ME TO DONATE

AN ARTIFACT FROM MY HISTORIC

RALLY IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

NOW FIRST, FIRST, I OFFERED THEM

OZZIE OSBORNE, BUT EVIDENTLY HE

DOESN'T HAVE ALL HIS SHOTS.

( LAUGHTER )

INSTEAD THE MUSEUM IS ASKING ME

TO DONATE MY VIBRANT AND

UNNERVINGLY SNUG STARS AND

STRIPES JUMPSUIT.

HERE IT IS.

HERE IT IS SHOWING OFF MY OLD

SEVEN-TEN SPLIT.

( LAUGHTER )

AND HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

IT IS THE PERFECT THING FOR THE

SMITHSONIAN'S TREASURES OF

AMERICAN HISTORY COLLECTION

BECAUSE IT'S MADE IN CHINA.

( LAUGHTER )

PERSONALLY, I HOPE THIS ENDS UP

IN THE SMITHSONIAN'S HALL OF ONE

PIECES NEXT TO ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S

FOOTY PAJAMAS, TEDDY ROOSEVELT'S

HUNTING ONESIE AND DICK CHENEY'S

GEORGE BUSH SUIT.

HERE NOW TO OFFICIALLY RECEIVE

MY JUMPSUIT, PLEASE WELCOME THE

DIRECTOR OF THE SMITHSONIAN

INSTITUTION'S NATIONAL MUSEUM OF

AMERICAN HISTORY, MR. BRENT

GLASS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

SIR, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

THERE IT IS.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT,

I'LL THROW IN THE BOOTS.

I'LL THROW IN THE BOOTS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, I'D THROW IN THE

UNDERWEAR IF I HAD BEEN WEARING

ANY.

( LAUGHTER )

WHAT DO I GOT TO DO HERE?

>> WE HAVE A DEED OF GIFT HERE.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

I'M GETTING BIG CASH FOR THIS,

RIGHT?

>> YES, THE SAME AS...

>> Stephen: PORTRAIT?

I'M STILL WAITING FOR THAT

CHECK.

I DO JUST DATE IT OR DO THE

LAWYERS DO ALL THAT?

CAN I JUST ASK ONE THING?

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.

THIS IS POLYESTER.

IT SHOULD NOT BE STORED NEAR AN

OPEN FLAME.

( LAUGHTER )

OKAY.

THANK YOU.

IS THIS OFFICIAL NOW?

>> IT'S OFFICIAL NOW.

I ALSO WANT TO TELL YOU THAT

WE'RE DELIGHTED THAT THE

PORTRAIT OF STEPHEN THAT YOU

GAVE US TWO YEARS AGO IS GOING

BACK ON DISPLAY AT THE MUSEUM OF

AMERICAN HISTORY ON DECEMBER

26th.

>> Stephen: WHAT?

THAT'S THE GREATEST CHRISTMAS

PRESENT AMERICA'S EVER GOTTEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY

JUMPSUIT, MY PORTRAIT ALL AT THE

MUSEUM.

>> OF AMERICAN HISTORY.

>> Stephen: THE MUSEUM OF

AMERICAN HISTORY IN WASHINGTON,

D.C., ON THE MALL.

THANK YOU, SIR.