Movies That Are Destroying America - Saving America Edition

  • Aired:  05/04/11
  •  | Views: 64,145

"Captain America" delivers an all-American message about steroids, and liberal Hollywood conspires to destroy "Atlas Shrugged." (6:01)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

NATION, IT'S NO SECRET,

EVERYBODY KNOWS IT.

I DON'T LIKE HOLLYWOOD.

IT'S FULL OF PHONIES BLOWING

SMOKE UP YOUR ASS TELLING YOU

EVERYTHING YOU DO IS GREAT.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO LIVE SO FAR

AWAY?

[LAUGHTER]

SOME MOVIES HAVE A POSITIVE

IMPACT WHICH IS TIME -- WHY IT'S

TIME FOR A SPECIAL MOVIES THAT

ARE DESTROYING AMERICA!

♪ ♪

SAVING AMERICA EDITION.

FOLKS, THERE'S NO MORE U.S.A.

FRIENDLY MOVIE THIS SUMMER THAN

CAPTAIN AMERICA.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS

POFY EVER SINCE I RECEIVED --

MOVIE EVER SINCE I RECEIVED CAPS

OFFICIAL SHIELD FROM MARVEL BACK

IN 2007.

IT HANGS PROUDLY IN MY STUDIO.

IT REPRESENTS TRUTH, JUSTICE AND

COVERING UP A WHOLE WHERE I

MISSED WITH THE HAMMER.

[LAUGHTER]

CAPTAIN AMERICA NEVER GIVES UP,

FOLKS.

WORLD WAR II AND IT'S 60 YEARS

AGO AND THE GUY IS STILL

FIGHTING THE NAZIS.

JIM?

>> ROGER, STEPHEN.

>> GIVE ME A CHANCE.

>> SORRY, SON.

>> SAVING YOUR LIFE.

>> THE ARMY BEGINS WITH ONE MAN.

>> I CAN OFFER YOU A CHANCE.

>> HE WILL BE THE FIRST IN A NEW

BREED OF SUPERSOLDIER.

>> IT'S FOR ADOLF HITLER.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.

[GUN FIRE]

>> Stephen: THAT IS AN ALL

AMERICAN MESSAGE.

[LAUGHTER]

IF YOU ARE A SKINNY KID WHO

WANTS TO SERVE HIS COUNTRY, GET

JACKED UP ON STEROIDS.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH.

THAT SHOWS REAL BALLS.

ALTHOUGH NOT YOUR BALLS BECAUSE

THEY'LL BE THE SIZE OF RAISE --

RAISINETTES.

IMAGINE THE MERCHANDISING

POSSIBILITIES.

WHO WOULDN'T WAND TO OPEN A KIDS

MEAL TO FIND A CAPTAIN AMERICA

BRAND HYPE DETERMINIC NEEDLE.

COLLECT ALL EIGHT VIOLENT MOOD

SWINGS.

THIS PROVES WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS

SAID WE WOULD HAVE BEATEN THE

NAZIS SOONER IF WE HAD DONE

HUMAN EXPERIMENT TO CREATE

SOME -- I DON'T KNOW -- MASTER

RACE.

THINK HOW BAD ASS OUR NAVY SEALS

WOULD BE IF THEY WERE ACTUALLY

PART SALES.

THE NEXT MOVIE IS "ATLAS SHRUG"

ON THE NOVEL BY AYN RAND WHOSE

PHILOSOPHY STATES THAT THE

PURPOSE OF LIFE IS PURSUING YOUR

OWN HAPPINESS WITH NO REGARD FOR

OTHERS.

I WOULD EXPLAIN FURTHER BUT WHY

I SHOULD CARE IF YOU UNDERSTAND.

>> I'M CHALLENGING THIS AT

TOURISM.

>> WHY THEN IS THIS KIND OF LOVE

IN YOUR MIND IMMORAL?

>> IT'S IMMORAL IF IT'S PLACE

ADD ABOVE ONE'S SELF.

>> IF A MAN IS WEAK OR A WOMAN

IS WEAK HE IS OR SHE IS BEYOND

LOVE.

>> CERTAINLY DOES NOT DESERVE

IT.

>> Stephen: THIS PHILOSOPHY IS

BEST EXPRESSED IN HER LINE OF

BIRTHDAY CARDS "GRANDMOTHER YOU

ARE A DRAIN OF SOCIETY.

I ATE YOUR CAKE."

TOUGH LOVE.

[LAUGHTER]

FOLKS, I'M HAPPY TOP SAY FINALLY

ATLAS SHRUGGED HAS BEEN ADAPTED

FOR THE BIG SCREEN.

IT TELLS THE STORY OF WEALTHY

INDUSTRIALISTS LED BY INVENTOR

WHO GONE ON STRIKE TO DENY THEIR

TALENTS TO AN UNWORTHY IS

SOCIETY.

JIMMY --

>> SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT IT'S

LIKE TO WORK FOR HIMSELF AND NOT

WITH OTHERS SPEED UP THE PROCESS

OF SYNERGY.

>> THEY SAY YOU ARE INTRACTABLE.

YOU ARE RUTHLESS YOUR ONLY GOAL

IS TO MAKE MONEY.

>> MY ONLY GOAL IS TO MAKE

MONEY.

>> Stephen: WOW.

I HAVEN'T SEEN A FILM WITH THAT

MESSAGE SINCE TRANSFORMERS 2.

[LAUGHTER]

BIG SURPRISE, FOLKS, LIBERAL

HOLLYWOOD IS CONSPIRING TO

DESTROY IT.

IT HAS A 9% RATING ON ROTTEN

TOMATOES AND IN ITS THIRD WEEK

IT MADE JUST $468,000.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE MOST AMERICANS

DON'T WANT TO SEE A MOVIE ABOUT

HOW MOST AMERICANS ARE

PARASITES.

THE PRODUCER AND WRITER SAYS HE

MIGHT NOT MAKE THE TWO PLANNED

SEQUELS SAYING CRITICS YOU WON

AND HAS THREATENED TO GO ON

STRIKE.

TRULY A LESSON FROM THE PAGES OF

AYN RAND.

IF YOU ARE TALENTED AND HARD

WORKING ONE DAY YOU, TOO, COULD

GIVE UP.

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE THIS MOVIE, FOLKS BECAUSE

THE HEROS SAY THINGS THAT WOULD

MAKE THEM VILLAINS IN ANY

STANDARD HOLLYWOOD FARE.

>> CALL MY OFFICE FIRST THING IN

MY MORNING I'LL AUTHORIZE

$100,000 FOR YOU.

>> YOU REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT

THE HELPING THE UNDERPRIVILEGED

DO YOU?

>> NO, PHILIP, I DON'T.

>> Stephen: I KNOW WHAT ATLAS

WAS SHRUGGING AT.

OTHER PEOPLE SUFFERING.

THEY LET ME SEE CLASSIC

HOLLYWOOD FILMS IN A WHOLE NEW

LIGHT.

I KNOW THAT ITS ITS A WONDERFUL

LIFE IS REALLY THE STORY OF A

REAL ESTATE MAGNET WHO OVERCOMES

HIS ABILITY TO --

[LAUGHTER]

STAR WARS, STAR WARS IS REALLY

ABOUT A GROUP OF VIOLENT ILLEGAL

ALIENS PLOTTING TO BLOW UP A

GATED COMMUNITY.

[LAUGHTER]

SO, AMERICA, YOU MUST SEE "ATLAS

SHRUGGED" DO IT FOR JOHN, DO IT