Mexico's Drug & Potato Chip Wars

  • Aired:  05/30/12
  •  | Views: 6,929

Mexico's Knights Templar cartel sets fire to PepsiCo warehouses, making enemies of the most powerful American names in chip trafficking. (3:45)

APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

GOOD DAHAVE YOU WITH US.

NATION, WE'VE GOT TO COME UP WITH A COMMONSENSE SOLUTION TO OUR POOREST SOUTHERN BORDER.

THAT'S WHY I HAVE LONG CALLED FOR A 200,000-MILE-LONG BORDER WALL MADE OUT OF 10-FOOT-TALL

ROTATING RAZOR BLADES THAT WILL SLICE ILLEGALS UP LIKE DELI MEAT.

AND WE NEED IT NOW MORE THAN EVER, FOLKS, TO KEEP OUT MEXICO'S INFAMOUS DRUG CARTEL.

I AM NOT A FAN.

I SAY IF YOU'RE GOING TO PUSH DRUGS, YOU CAN DO NOT DO IT WITH VIOLENCE.

YOU DO IT WITH A MAN THROWING A FOOTBALL THROUGH A TIRE SWING TO SHOW HOW RIGID HIS PENIS HAS BECOME.

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, THERE IS ONE MEXICAN CARTEL I GRUDGINGLY RESPECT.

IT IS MEXICO'S NINTH TEMPLAR,

WHO DRAW INSPIRATION FROM THE MEDIEVAL CHRISTIAN WARRIORS OF THE SAME NAME WHO MULED FRANKEN

SENSE FILLED.

BUT DOWN IN MEXICO, THESE KNIGHTS OF THE "LET'S DO COKE

OFF THE ROUNDTABLE" HAVE GONE TOO FAR.

>> DORITOS, CHEETOS, RUFFLES UNDER ATTACK BY MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS.

>> THE PEPSICO SUBSIDIARY DISTRIBUTES SNACK FOODS IN MEXICO.

>> Stephen: MISTAKEO-GRANDY,

MI HARM MANOSE.

JUST BECAUSE YOU RUN AROUND ROCKET-PROPELLED A.K., AND LEAVE COOLERS FILLED WITH SEVERED

HEADS OUTSIDE THE CITY HALL BUT YOU JUST CROSSED BOT WRONG AISLE OF THE SUPERMARKETS, MUCHACHOS.

YOU ARE SMALL PATOIT'SES COMPARED TO THE SNACK CARTELS WHO FRY OUR POTATOES.

YOU DO NOT ( BLEEP ) WITH PEPSICO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IN FACT, MAY I REMIND YOU, MAY I REMIND YOU BACK IN 1984, MICHAEL

JACKSON CROSSED THEM, AND THEY SET HIS HEAD ON FIRE.

( LAUGHTER ) NICE TEMPED LAR.

YOU HAVE MADE ANYMORES OF THE MOST POWERFUL NAMES IN CHIP TRAFFICKING.

OF LOS FRITOS.

AND DON PRINGLE.

MAKE NO MISTAKE-- HE WILL POP A CAP IN YOUR ASSPOSITIVE.

AND ONCE HE POPS, HE CANNOT STOP.

( APPLAUSE ) AND THE PRODUCTS THEY PUSH ARE FAR MORE ADDICTIVE THAN MERE HEROINE.

BILLIONS ARE RIDING THE KOOL RANCH DRAGON AND EVEN THE KIDS ARE GETTING BAKED.

SO WATCH YOUR ASS, CARTELS.

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