40 Days to Save America

  • Aired:  09/26/12
  •  | Views: 23,366

Pastor Rick Scarborough's prayer projects seem to work on natural disasters, which is a perfect match for the Romney campaign. (5:07)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.

NOW, BEFORE THE BREAK I TOLD YOU HOW LOUIE GOHMERT HAD REVEALED BARACK OBAMA'S SECRET PLAN TO RESURRECT THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE BY

DENYING US BACON.

(LAUGHTER) YET ANOTHER REASON WE MUST ELECT MITT ROMNEY.

NOW, UNFORTUNATELY, THE LATEST QUINNIPIAC/"NEW YORK TIMES"/CBS/T.C.B.Y. POLL HAS OBAMA UP BY TEN POINTS IN OHIO,

NINE POINTS IN FLORIDA AND 12 POINTS IN PENNSYLVANIA.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I DON'T GET IT.

I DON'T GET IT, FOLKS.

HOW CAN ROMNEY BE BEHIND?

HE'S SO POPULAR THAT HIS FANS ARE RELEASING BOOTLEGS OF HIS SPEECHES!

(LAUGHTER) FOLKS, DON'T BELIEVE THE CRITICS WHO SAY THIS CAMPAIGN DOESN'T HAVE A PRAYER.

HE'S GOING TO HAVE PLENTY OF PRAYERS-- THANK THANKS TO A NEW WEB SITE CALLED 40DAYSTOSAVEAMERICA.COM.

>> ALL AROUND US WE SEE A NATION FALLING AROUND US INTO ATTACKS ON RELIGIOUS LIBERTY.

WE'RE ASKING PASTORS AND CONGREGATIONS ALL OVER AMERICA TO COMMIT TO 40 DAYS OF PRAYER, FASTING, AND ACTION.

PRAYER PLUS FASTING PLUS ACTION EQUALS CHANGE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S AMAZING.

BECAUSE USUALLY PRAYER PLUS FASTING PLUS ACTION EQUALS PASSING OUT.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, THE HERO-- (APPLAUSE) THE HERO BEHIND THIS PROJECT IS TEXAS PASTOR RICK SCARBOROUGH

WHO LAST AUGUST HELPED LAUNCH RICK PERRY'S PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN WITH THE STADIUM PRAYER RALLY AND GOD RESPONDED WITH A

POLITE "NO THANK YOU." (LAUGHTER) BUT PASTOR SCARBOROUGH DID CREDIT THE RALLY WITH ENDING THE DROUGHT IN TEXAS.

SO CLEARLY HIS PRAYERS WORK ON NATURAL DISASTERS, WHICH IS A PERFECT MATCH FOR THE ROMNEY CAMPAIGN.

(LAUGHTER) NOW SCARBOROUGH INSISTS THAT THESE 40 DAYS OF PRAYER WHICH START THIS FRIDAY AND JUST HAPPEN TO END ON ELECTION DAY IS

A NON-PARTISAN EVENT BECAUSE HE IS TOTALLY NOT A PARTISAN.

>> I'M NOT A REPUBLICAN, I'M NOT A DEMOCRAT, I'M A CHRISTOCRAT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: SO PLEASE JOIN HIM EVEN IF YOU'RE A JEWPUBLICAN.

(LAUGHTER) AGAIN, ALOHA.

(LAUGHTER) NOW, FOLKS, THIS PRAYER WILL HELP MITT ROMNEY WIN OVER UNDECIDED VOTERS-- ESPECIALLY THE BIGGEST UNDECIDED VOTER OF

THEM ALL, GOD.

I MEAN, HE MAY BE ALL-KNOWING BUT HE WOULD STILL LIKE TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE ABOUT MITT'S TAX RETURNS.

(LAUGHTER) IN FACT, GOD IS THREE UNDECIDED VOTERS-- THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT.

AND YOU'VE GOT TO FIGURE THE SON IS LEANING OBAMA WHAT WITH THE LONG HAIR AND THE LOAF AND FISH HANDOUTS TO THE POOR.

GET A JOB, HIPPY!

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) CAN'T STAY 33 FOREVER.

MOVE OUT OF YOUR MOM'S HOUSE.

(LAUGHTER) BUT MITT, MITT HAS STILL GOT A SHOT WITH THE OLD MAN.

HE'S RIGHT IN MITT'S CORE DEMO-- HE'S OLD, MALE, VENGEFUL, AND HE LIVES IN A GATED COMMUNITY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) SO RIGHT NOW I'M GOING TO ENGAGE IN A LITTLE TARGETED ADVERPRAYING.

LET ME GET OUT MY LUCKY PRAYER HAT RIGHT HERE.

(LAUGHTER) AND PUT ON MY PATENTED PRAYER HANDS.

JESUS, NEVER MIND.

NOW, FOLKS, MITT NIECE REAL TROUBLE SO I'M AFRAID I HAVE TO GO NEGATIVE.

(LAUGHTER) ALMIGHTY FATHER, ALMOST FOUR YEARS AGO PRESIDENT OBAMA PROMISED HOPE AND CHANGE, BUT A LORD AND CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE

WAS THIS THE CHANGE YOU WANTED.

THE DEMOCRATS LEFT YOU OFF THEIR CONVENTION PLATFORM AND THEY WANT TO FORCE YOUR SERVANTS TO PROVIDE BIRTH CONTROL TO THER

WHO OF BABYLON.

(LAUGHTER) OBAMA PUNISHES THE JOB CREATORS.

JUST IMAGINE HOW HE'LL TREAT THE JOB CREATORS.

IT'S TIME TO SEND OBAMA A MESSAGE-- MAYBE A RIVER OF BLOOD OR LOCUSTS, OR LOSING OHIO.

(LAUGHTER) BECAUSE BARACK OBAMA ISN'T JUST WRONG FOR THE NATION, HE'S WRONG FOR CREATION.

SO, GOD, REMEMBER.

ON NOVEMBER 6-- A DAY WHICH YOU ARE ALREADY IN AND WILL ALWAYS BE IN FOR A TIME OF ETERNITY-- VOTE MITT ROMNEY.

BUT BRING PHOTO I.D. BECAUSE THEY'RE REALLY CRACKING DOWN.

I'M STEPHEN COLBERT AND I PRAY THIS MESSAGE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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