cOlbert's Book Club & The Couch Bunker

  • Aired:  09/05/13
  •  | Views: 14,268

Stephen assigns any book by J.D. Salinger except "Catcher in the Rye" and touts the latest product in home protection. (3:34)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, THANKS SO MUCH.

FOLKS, IF YOU WATCHED THIS SHOW YOU KNOW I'M IN BITTER COMPETITION WITH THE OPRAH

BOOK CLUB.

WELL, NEXT TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 10th WE'LL HAVE OUR SECOND INSTALLMENT OF THE COLBERT

BOOK CLUB THIS TIME DEDICATED TO AUTHOR J.D. SALINGER.

SO BY NEXT TUESDAY, READ ANYTHING YOU WANT BY SALINGER EXCEPT CATCHER IN THE RYE.

I DON'T CARE FOR IT.

PLEASE JOIN US, I GUARANTEE IT WILL BE A PERFECT NIGHT FOR BANANA FISH.

THAT'S A LITERARY REFERENCE.

I'M TOLD.

GO OVER HERE.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW IT IS A DANGEROUS WORLD OUT THERE AND WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER THREAT OF VIOLENCE EVEN IN

OUR OWN HOME.

FOR INSTANCE, A SUSPICIOUS STRANGER COMES UP TO MY HOUSE SIX DAYS A WEEK TO DELIVER RANSOM NOTES.

PAY YOUR MORTGAGE OR WE'LL REPOSSESS YOUR HOUSE, SORRY BUT I DON'T NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.

THAT'S WHY I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THE LATEST IN HOME PROTECTION.

NOW I HAD PREVIOUSLY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE BED BUNKER, A BED WITH A BUILT-IN GUN SAFE UNDERNEATH.

FOLKS, THERE IS NO BETTER PLACE TO REST YOUR HEAD AFTER AN EXHAUSTING DAY OF PARANOIA.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE VULNERABLE HOURS WHEN YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING?

>> DON'T WORRY, FOLKS, BECAUSE THE MAKERS OF BED BUNKER HAVE AN ANSWER.

>> IT'S A SOFA THAT COULD POSSIBLY SAFE YOUR LIFE.

A FORT WORTH FURNITURE COMPANY IS MAKING THAT CLAIM AS THEY MARKET A COUCH THAT

CAN STORE RIFLES AND HAS BULLETPROOF KITCHENS.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE A NORMA-- NORMAL SOFA.

OPEN UP THE LID AND YOU HAVE A CON SELL GUN SAFE.

>> IT'S CALLED THE COUCH BUNKER T WILL HELP YOU HIDE UP TO 40 RIFLE ITS AND DODGE

A BULLET TOO.

>> YOU CAN TAKE ONE OF THE CUSHONS, HAND IT TO ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN OR YOUR SPOUSE

TO PROTECT THEM.

AND THEN YOU CAN HOLD IT, MAKE THEM WITH ARM STRAPS.

YOU CAN HOLD THE CUSHON WITH ONE HAND AND FIRE IT WITH THE OTHER HAND.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> IT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

A COUCH WITH BULLETPROOF CUTCHONS.

IT'S FOOLPROOF AS LONG AS YOU YELL AT THE HOME INVADER, ONLY SHOOT THE CUSHONS.

AND AFTER THINK DO SHOOT THEM REMEMBER TO PUSH THE CUSHONS OVER SO YOUR HOUSE STILL LOOKS NICE.

PLUS THE KIDS CAN REARRANGE THE CUSHONS TO MAKE A BULLETPROOF FORCE TO KEEP THEM SAFE FROM ROBBERS OR

INDIANS OR LAVA.

BUT I DO HAVE ONE PROBLEM WITH THE COUCH BUNKER.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE CUSHONS OFF IN ORDER TO ACCESS YOUR GUNS WHICH REQUIRES GETTING

OFF THE COUCH.

FRANKLY, I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> THAT'S WHY I'M PROUD TO INTRODUCE THE LATEST IN LIVING ROOM PROTECTION, THE

BARKA LAUNCHER.

SIMPLY DUCT TAPE A KNIFE TO YOUR HEAD AND PULL THE LEVER ON YOUR SIDE TO LAUNCH

YOURSELF REMEMBER, THE LEVER ON THE RIGHT RECLINE, THE LEVER ON THE LEFT MAKES YOU

A HUMAN SPEAR.

OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

ORDER TODAY, WE'LL ALSO THROW IN THIS PLUSH BEAN BAG GEAR FULL OF GRENADES, SIT

BACK, RELAX, AND PULL THE PEN ON COMFORT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

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