The Supreme Court Weighs In on Obamacare

  • Aired:  03/28/12
  •  | Views: 31,206

The solicitor general's defense of Obamacare was a train wreck that slammed into the Hindenberg, landed on the deck of the Titanic, and then sailed in to see "John Carter." (4:40)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

PLEASE, SIT DOWN, NATION.

WE'VE GOT TOO MUCH SHOW TO DO.

>> STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

NATIONS, AS YOU KNOW, EVERY SO OFTEN MY SHOWS HAVE SPECIAL SPONSORS AND TONIGHT I AM PROUD

TO SAY THAT THIS REPORT IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY KEGOLS CRUNCHY NUT, THE UNOFFICIAL CEREAL OF

CELEBRATION BECAUSE TONIGHT WE HAVE SOMETHING BIG TO CELEBRATE-- OBAMACARE IS DEAD.

IT WAS KILLED BY NINE PEOPLE IN BLACK ROBES.

I TOLD YOU THERE WOULD BE DEATH PANELS.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU LOSE, MR. PRESIDENT.

TAKE OBAMACARE AND STICK IT WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE.

THEN HAVE IT REMOVED BY EYE DOCTOR YOU HAVE TO PAY YOURSELF BECAUSE HE'S NOT IN NETWORK.

AND, FOLKS, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THIS.

>> I BELIEVE THE SUPREME COURT WILL STRIKE DOWNTOWN OBAMACARE INDIVIDUAL MANDATE BY A 5 OF 4 VOTE.

>> IT'S GOING TO BE 5 OF 4.

IF I AM WRONG I WILL COME ON AND PLAY YOUR CLIP AND APOLOGIZE FOR BEING AN IDIOT.

>> Stephen: NO NEED, PAPA BEAR.

( LAUGHTER ).

OF COURSE, THE LINCHPIN OF THE THIS LEGISLATIVE OBAMA-NATION,

IS THE HEALTH CARE MANDATE.

AND IT'S NOT THE GOOD KIND OF MANDATE WHERE TWO BUDDIES PLAY RACQUETBALL TOGETHER AND

RECHARGE OVER BURGERS, BOOZE,

AND A LONG STEAM WITH ZERO SEXUAL TENSION.

SEE YOU NEXT WEDNESDAY, KEVIN.

HE'S A GOOD GUY. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CAN'T FIND A NICE GIRL.

YOU LADIES ARE MISSING OUT.

HE SHAVES EVERYWHERE.

( LAUGHTER ).

NO, THIS MANDATE REQUIRES ALL AMERICANS TO BUY HEALTH INSURANCE, AND, FOLKS, THIS

SUPREME COURT BATTLE OVER HEALTH INSURANCE IS THE BIGGEST CASE SINCE SCOPES DEFEATED THAT MONKEY.

I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT THE CASE IS ABOUT.

I THINK THE MONKEY BIT SOMEONE.

THE POINT IS, THE MONKEY IN THIS CASE WAS THE SOLICITOR GENERAL ARGUING IN FAVOR OF OBAMACARE,

AND, BOY, DID HE BRUISE HIS BANANA.

>> A BAD DAY FOR OBAMACARE AT THE SUPREME COURT.

>>Y DON'TALD VIRALLY,

REPRESENTING THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, DID NOT, DID NOT MAKE A STRONG ARGUMENT.

>> THE CONSERVATIVES IN THE COURT JUST DESTROYED THE SOLICITOR GENERAL WHO WAS TRYING

TO DEFEND OBAMACARE.

>> THERE WERE MOMENTS WHERE THE ARGUMENTS WERE SO POOR AND SO

CONTRADICTORY THAT THE SOLICITOR GENERAL WAS LAUGHED AT.

>> THIS WAS A TRAIN WRECK FOR THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION.

>> Stephen: TRAIN WRECK IS TOO KIND.

IT WAS A TRAIN WRECK THAT SLAMMED INTO THE HINDEN BERG,

AND LANDED ON THE DECK OF THE "TITANIC." FOLKS, THAT'S NO SURPRISE

BECAUSE THIS HEALTH CARE MANDATE IS TYRANNY.

IF THE GOVERNMENT CAN FORCE YOU TO BUY HEALTH INSURANCE, WELL,

WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT LEADS TO.

>> IF THE GOVERNMENT CAN FORCE YOU BUY HEALTH INSURANCE, WHY CAN'T IT FORCE YOU TO EAT BROCCOLI?

>> COULD CONGRESS PASS A LAW TO REQUIRE EVERYBODY TO EAT BROCCOLI?

>> EVERYBODY HAS TO BUY FOOD.

SOONER SORE LATER.

THEREFORE, YOU CAN MAKE PEOPLE BUY BROCCOLI.

>> ( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: THIS CASE IS REALLY ABOUT BROCCOLI.

WHY IS THE GOVERNMENT TRYING TO MAKE US EAT IT?

I'D UNDERSTAND IF IT WAS KELLOGG'S CRUNCHY NUT CEREAL,

BUT, FOLKS, IF WE DON'T FIGHT THIS, NEXT THEY'RE GOG MAKE US

EAT THE REST OF OUR VEGETABLES,

INCLUDING THE LIMA BEANS AND TAKE A NAP WHEN WE'RE NOT TIRED AND GIVE OUR GRANDMA A KISS EVEN

THOUGH SHE SMELLS LIKE OLD TUPPERWARE AND I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT.

I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE NIGH HERE, DECISIONS MADE BY BARACK OBAMA, OH, SHOULD I SAY

BARACK-OLI OBAMA.

AND EVEN IF, EVEN IF, EVEN IF HEALTH CARE ISN'T LIKE BROCCOLI,

JUSTICE ALITO KNOWS WHAT IT IS LIKE.

>> YOU CAN GET BURIAL INSURANCE.

YOU CAN GET HEALTH INSURANCE.

MOST PEOPLE ARE GOING TO NEED HEALTH CARE, ALMOST EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY IS GOING TO BE BURIED OR CREAMATED AT SOME POINT.

>> Stephen: WELL SAID,

JUSTICE ALITO.

AND SINCE IT IS THE SAME THING,

WHY SHOULDN'T WE HAVE MANDATED BURIAL INSURANCE?

BECAUSE LET'S JUST SAY SOMEBODY DIES WITHOUT BURIAL INSURANCE?

AND I'M TALKING ABOUT REALLY BAD, CHRONIC, INCURABLE BURBIAL.

IF HE DOESN'T HAVE BURIAL INSURANCE, WE'RE ALL ON THE HOOK FOR HIS CONTINUED LONG-TERM

CEMETERY

Loading...