Colbert Super PAC - Thank You

  • Aired:  02/02/12
  •  | Views: 45,806

Stephen thanks the heroes for their donations and reveals how Colbert Super PAC will spend its $1 million. (3:58)

THEY PICK SOMEBODY I LIKE.

OF COURSE, FOLKS, I HAVEN'T

MENTIONED THE MOST POWERFUL

SUPERPAC, COLBERT SUPERPAC.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW I HAPPEN TO BELIEVE IT'S

GAUCHE TO TALK ABOUT ALL THE

MONEY YOU HAVE, SO I WILL

LET OTHER PEOPLE DO IT.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT STARTED

HIS OWN SUPERPAC.

HE PULLED DOWN A MILLION

BUCKS.

>> HE RAISED A MILLION

DOLLARS.

>> A MILLION DOLLARS.

>> $1 MILLION DOLLARS.

>> A MILLION DOLLARS, HERE.

>> $1 MILLION DOLLARS!

>> A MILLION DOLLARS WELL 1

MILLION.

>> $1 MILLION.

>> Stephen: YES, A MILLION

DOLLARS.

AND ONLY HALF OF IT WENT TO

PAYING FOR THOSE MOVIE

CLIPS.

FOLKS, IT ALL STARTED 11

MONTHS AGO RIGHT HERE.

YOU SEE, HI JUST SEEN THIS

AD FOR PRESIDENTIAL

CANDIDATE TIM PAWLENTY.

NOW IF THAT NAME DOESN'T

RING A BELL, DON'T WORRY, IT

DIDN'T BACK THEN EITHER.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, I'D

ALSO LIKE TO SPEND OTHER

PEOPLE'S MONEY ON SOMETHING

LIKE THAT.

WELL, WE'VE COME A LONG WAY

BECAUSE NOW WHEN YOU GOOGLE

SUPERPAC, COLBERT SUPERPAC

IS THE SECOND AND THIRD

RESULT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I, I DON'T WANT TO STOP

THERE.

I WANT THE GOOGLE

RECOGNITION OF A SANTORUM.

I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED

NUMBER SUPERPAC MEANS A

FROTHY MIX OF CAMPAIGN

FUNDING THAT IS SOMETIMES

THE BYPRODUCT OF POLITICS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

OF COURSE, I GOT TO TAKE A

MOMENT HERE TO RECOGNIZE MY

CRACK SUPERPAC STAFF LED BY

CHIEF STRATEGIST AND HIGH

SODIUM LUNCH MEET SPAMRO

WHOSE WORK IN MY OPINION HAS

SO SURPASSED THAT OF HIS

HEAD SHAPED TWIN, THAT FROM

NOW ON MI OFFICIALLY CALLING

KARL ROVE HUMAN HAM ROVE.

BUT MOST OF ALL, FOLKS, I

GOT TO THANK THE 31,595 OF

YOU WHO DONATED DO COLE BERT

SUPERPAC.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> YOU GAVE-- YOU FOLKS GAVE

UNTIL IT HURT.

AND EVIDENTLY, SOME OF YOU

HAVE VERY LOW THRESHOLD FOR

PAIN.

BECAUSE 1600 OF YOU GAVE $1

EACH.

GOD KNOWS WHAT THAT ADDS UP

TO.

NOW FOLKS, SINCE MONEY SPEAK,

I ALSO WANT TO CELEBRATE OUR

LOUDEST SPEAKER, ALEX RIG OP

OP-- OPULOS WHO DONATED

$9600.

ALEX, FOR BEING SO ELOQUENT

WITH YOUR CASH, I WILL BE

SENDING YOU THIS DELUXE

COLBERT SUPERPAC TOTE BAG.

IT IS ONE OF A KIND.

ONE OF A KIND BECAUSE MY

SHARPIE RAN OUT OF INC.

OF-- INK.

OF COURSE THERE IS ONE MORE

BIG QUESTION ABOUT COLBERT

SUPERPAC'S MILLION DOLLARS.

>> THE QUESTION IS WHERE

DOES IT GO NOW THAT HE NO

LONGER NEEDS IT.

>> GOOD QUESTION.

>> Stephen: WELL, YESTERDAY

FACEBOOK ANNOUNCED ITS IPO,

THAT WOULD BE A GOOD PLACE

FOR A MILLION DOLLARS.

BUT I SLEPT LATE SO INSTEAD

I'M GOING TO PUT IT ALL INTO

THE NEXT BIG INTERNET

SENSATION, IT'S CALLED CAT

BREADING.

IT'S KIND OF COMPLEX.

PEOPLE UPLOAD PHOTOS OF

THEIR CAT'S FACE, PUSH

THROUGH A-- PUSHED THROUGH A

SLICE OF BREAD.

AND

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: AND THAT'S IT.

HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO

MONETIZE IT YET BUT THAT'S

WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT TWITTER.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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