The "Fiscal Cliff" Conundrum & Grover Norquist's Tax Pledge

  • Aired:  08/01/12
  •  | Views: 20,677

The Senate and House need to compromise on tax cuts, but Tax Master Grover Norquist holds Republicans to their no-tax blood oath. (5:53)

WILL.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS -- GOOD MAN.

FOLKS, THAT IS NOT THE ONLY DISASTER WE ARE FACING BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS FACING FOR A FALL.

>> THE FISCAL CLIFF IS FAST APPROACHING.

>> THE FISCAL CLIFF IS LOOMING.

>> THE FISCAL CLIFF IT'S LOOMING, OWE OH, YEAH.

>> STEPHEN: OH, YEAH, THE FISCAL CLIFF NOT TO BE CONFUSE WITHED WITH THE FINANCIAL GLORY HOLE.

UNLESS CONGRESS COMES UP WITH A DEFICIT REDUCTION DEAL ON JANUARY 1 THERE WILL BE A

TRILLION DOLLARS IN AUTOMATIC SPENDING CUTS AND THE BUSH TAX CUTS EXPIRE WHICH THE

CONGRESSIONAL BUDGET OFFICE SAYS TOGETHER COULD CAUSE ANOTHER RECESSION.

OUR ONLY HOPE IS THAT DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS IN CONGRESS WORK TOGETHER TO FIND A COMPROMISE ON

TAX CUTS.

IN OTHER WORDS, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW LAST WEEK THE DEMOCRATS MADE THE FIRST MOVE UNTIL THIS GAME FISCAL CHICKEN.

>> THE DEMOCRATICALLY-CONTROLLED SENATE PASSED A DEMOCRATIC BILL

RENEWING THE TAX CUTS BUT ONLY FOR PEOPLE EARNING LESS THAN $250,000.

>> THE SENATE HAS APPROVED A DEMOCRATIC TAX PLAN THAT INCLUDES HIGHER RATES FOR HIGH EARNERS.

>> STEPHEN: WAIT, A SECOND DID THEY SAY THE DEMOCRATS PASSED A DEMOCRATIC PLAN?

THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

WAIT A SECOND IS THIS SOME KIND OF DREAM?

LET ME CHECK MY TOTEM.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

IT'S REAL EVIDENTLY.

EVIDENTLY IT'S REAL.

THE PROBLEM IS, HOUSE REPUBLICANS ARE NOT GOING TO VOTE FOR THIS TAX CUT.

BECAUSE IT EXCLUDES THE TOP 2% AND VIRTUALLY EVERY REPUBLICAN IN CONGRESS HAS SIGNED A PLEDGE

TO NEVER RAISE TAXES, A PLEDGE EXATTRACTED BY THE PRESIDENT OF AMERICANS FOR TAX REFORM AND

FOURTH MOST POPULAR GROVER,

GROVER NOR QUIST.

AND EVERYONE KNOWS HE IS NOT A GUY YOU WANT CROSS.

>> P GROVER NORQUIST IS NOT INTO COMPROMISE.

THOSE WHO REFUSE TO SIGN THE PLEDGE OR BLACKSIDE ARE SUBJECTED TO PRIMARY FIGHTS

AGAINST WELL FUNDED OPPONENTS BACKED BY HIM.

>> NEVER DO THEY COMPROMISE ON GROVER NORQUIST.

HE IS THE LEADER.

>> HE IS A HUE DEANISM YOU COULD THROW HIM IN THE BOTTOM EAST RIVER IN CHAINS AND HE WOULD

COME OUT OF THERE.

>> STEPHEN: YOU CAN'T KILL HIM.

HE'S LIKE THE TERMINATOR COMBINED WITH A PHOENIX COMBINED WITH A GUY THAT JUST READ ATLAS SHRUG.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE G.O.P. CANNOT GO BACK ON THEIR PLEDGE TO THE TAX MASTER BUT THE DEMS THINK THEY'VE GOT A

WORK AROUND.

YOU SEE SENATE DEMOCRATS ARE PROPOSING A NOVEL WAY TO CIRCUMVENT THE REPUBLICAN

PLEDGE, ALLOWING ALL THE TAX CUTS TO EXPIRE JANUARY 1 AND THEN VOTE ON A TAX CUT FOR THE

MIDDLE CLASS.

THIS WAY THE REPUBLICANS CAN SAY THEY DIDN'T VOTE FOR A TAX INCREASE ON THE TOP 2% THAT JUST

KIND OF HAPPENED.

THEY VOTED ON A TAX CUT FOR THE BOTTOM 98%.

THEY ARE THINKING THAT THIS WILL FOOL GROVER NORQUIST AND MAYBE IT WOULD IF HE WAS WOMAN-BORN.

OH, YOU FOOLS.

YOU FOOLS, THE NORQUIST CANNOT BE TRICKED SO EASILY.

OH, SOME MAY THINK THE NORQUIST WOULD FORGET THE BLOOD OATH THEY SIGNED YEARS AGO WHEN THEY

GRANTED THEM THEIR POWERS BUT THE NORQUIST IS ALWAYS WATCHING,

ALWAYS WAITING.

OH, THE BEARDED ONE IS VENGEFUL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

JUST ASK FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE H. W. BUSH WHO RECENT LID SAID YOU CAN'T BE WE HADED TO A

FORMULA BY HIM IT'S -- WHO THE HELL IS HE ANYWAY?

[ LAUGHTER ]

WELL, WELL, A-HA.

DON'T LOOK NOW, MR. PRESIDENT BUT THAT IS NOT BARBARA BY YOUR SIDE.

NOOOOOORQUIIIISST.

NOW I SHANT REPEAT HIS NAME AGAIN BECAUSE IF YOU SAY IT TOO MANY TIMES HE WILL APPEAR BEHIND

YOU AND SLASH MORE THAN YOUR TAXES.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HARRY REID IF YOU WANT TO AVOID THE FISCAL CLIFF AND HELP THE REPUBLICANS DEFEAT HE WHO MUST

NOT BE SHAVED COME UP WITH A SIMPLER PLAN.

MIB THE REPUBLICANS CAN FAKE THEIR DEATH, GROW GOATEES AND COME BACK TO VOTE AS EVIL TWINS.

MAYBE THAT WILL FOOL HIM.

OH, NO, I SAID HIS NAME TOO MANY TIMES.

NO, NO HE'S COMING FOR ME!

I MUST APPEASE HIM WITH A GIFT OF A MANCHILD.

COME TO ME.

I MUST FEED YOU TO THE NORQUIST.

ARRGGHH.

DON'T TAKE -- DON'T EAT ME.

EAT THE BABY.

[ APPLAUSE ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I'M SURE THE BABY WILL BE FINE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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