Chick-fil-A's Anti-Gay-Marriage Announcement

  • Aired:  07/26/12
  •  | Views: 46,136

The Muppets have been pro-gay for years, whereas Chick-fil-A supports minorities who laugh while eating salads. (4:35)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NATION-- THANKS, FOLKS.

VERY NICE.

A BIG NIGHT HERE AT THE REPORT.

NATION, AS I'M SURE KNOW, OUR COUNTRY IS AT WAR-- NO, JIMMY, A WAR WE STILL TALK ABOUT.

THE CULTURE WAR.

AND IN THE CULTURE WAR, THERE IS NO BIGGER FRONT THAN GAY MARRIAGE.

RECENTLY, HOMOSEXUALS HAVE BEEN THREATENING A SACRED UNION BETWEEN A COMPANY AND ITS CUSTOMERS.

( LAUGHTER ) COME ON!

IT'S AT&T NOT AT & STEVE.

( LAUGHTER ) RECENTLY, COMPANIES LIKE

J.C. PENNY AND ORO COOKIE HAVE COME OUT IN SUPPORT OF GAY RIGHTS, BUT ONE FAST FOOD

COMPANY HAS DRAWN THE LINE IN THE LARD.

>> FOR YEARS, PEOPLE HAVE CRITICIZED THE FAST FOOD FRANCHISE CHICK-FIL-A FOR

DONATING MEDICINE OF DOLLARS TO GROUPS THAT OPPOSE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE.

NOW, THE COMPANY'S PRESIDENT CAN DEATH IS RESPONDING TO THAT CRITICISM SAYING, HEY, GUILTY AS CHARMED.

>> I THINK WE'RE INVITING GOD'S JUDGMENT ON OUR NATION WHEN WE

SHAKE OUR FIST AT HIM AND SAY WE KNOW BETTER THAN YOU WHAT CONSTITUTES A MARRIAGE.

>> Stephen: NO SURPRISE CHICK-FIL-A SUPPORTS TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE.

UNLIKE K.F.C.EE DOUBLE-DOWN.

TWO MICKEN BREASTS RUBBING UP AGAINST EACH OTHER.

THAT IS NOTHING BUT A LESBIAN FANTASY SNACK.

I THINK THE PEOPLE WHO ARE CRITICIZING CHICK-FIL-A ARE NOT BUT A BUNCH OF MONSTERS, FURROW ONES.

>> MAKERS OF MUPPETS CUTTING THEIR TIES WITH CHICK-FIL-A.

THE COMPANY PRESIDENT DAN CATHY RECENTLY ANNOUNCED THE COMPANY WAS GUILTY AS CHARGED-- HIS

WORDS-- OPPOSING GAY MARRIAGE.

JIM HENCEN HAD BEEN WORKING WITH THE COMPANY BUT AFTER THE ANNOUNCEMENT, THEY ENDED THAT PARTNERSHIP.

>> Stephen: NO SHOCK THERE.

THE MUPPETS HAVE BEEN PRO GAY FOR YEARS.

HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN A COUPLE OF BITCHY OLD MEN WHO LOVE GOING TO THE THEATER TOGETHER?

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

I DON'T KNOW.

THANKFULLY, PEOPLE ARE STEPPING UP TO DEFEND CHICK-FIL-A.

LIKE INDEPENDENT TEENAGER ABBEY FARLEY WHO DEFENDED THE COMPANY FROM THE MUPPETS ON FACEBOOK

ALTHOUGH THE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS ACCUSED ABBEY OF BEING A FAKE FRONT FOR THE CORPORATION

JUST BECAUSE HER ACCOUNT WAS CREATED YESTERDAY MORNING AND HER PROFILE PICTURE WAS A STOCK

PHOTO OF A TEENAGE GIRL.

SO THAT'S JUST CHICK-FIL-A STANDING UP FOR A DIFFERENT MINORITY.

OUR PROUD STOCK PHOTO AMERICANS.

THEY'RE JUST AVERAGE FOLK WHO GO TO WORK.

SPEND TIME WITH THEIR FAMILY.

LAUGH WHILE EATING SALADS.

AND ENJOY RACIALLY DIVERSE TIME.

( APPLAUSE ) BUT IT'S NOT JUST--

( APPLAUSE ) YES.

WE STAND WITH YOU.

BUT IT'S NOT JUST PEOPLE WHO ARE DEFENDING CHICK-FIL-A.

SO ARE POLITICIANS.

LIKE FRIEND OF THE SHOW, BUT NOT FRIEND OF DOROTHY, GOVERNOR MIKE HUCKABEE, WHO HAS DECLARED

AUGUST 1 CHICK-FIL-A APPRECIATION DAY.

AND HE WAS JOINED BY ANOTHER CULTURE WARRIOR WHO IS STANDING UP FOR CHICK-FIL-A WHICH IS

ALMOST AS HARD AS STANDING UP AFTER CHICK-FIL-A.

FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE RICK SANTORUM.

( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ) WHO TWEETED-- WHO TWEETED IN

SUPPORT OF HUCKABEE AND LATER ADDED THREE OLDER KIDS JUST JOINED US AT CHICK-FIL-A.

THEY LIKE CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE ON EVERYTHING.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS.

IF YOU LIKE SANTORUM, YOU'LL LOVE CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE.

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S A FROTHY MIX OF SWEET AND SPICY.

BUT THE GREATEST THING, THE GREATEST THING ABOUT THIS CONTROVERSY I BELIEVE IS THAT WE

HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO POLITICIZE YET ANOTHER PART OF OUR LIVES.

I MEAN, I'VE GOT TO KNOW WHAT POSITIONS MY FOOD HAS TAKEN ON ALL THE ISSUES.

FOR EXAMPLE, I LOVE CARL'S JR.

WESTERN BURGER.

IT MUST BE ANTI-OBAMACARE BECAUSE IT IS CLEARLY TRYING TO KILL US.

( LAUGHTER ) AND WHENEVER I GO TO APPLEBEE'S,

I INSIST THEY ONLY WINGS.

AFTER ALL, YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

AND NOW, YOU ALSO BELIEVE WHAT YOU EAT.

WE'LL B

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