Tip/Wag - Catholic Diocese of Brooklyn & Stoner Dogs

  • Aired:  05/06/13
  •  | Views: 17,733

The Catholic Diocese of Brooklyn knows that Jesus was the original hipster, and a California vet supports medical marijuana for dogs. (3:33)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOLKS.

PLEASE.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, YOU'VE WATCHED

THIS SHOW.

YOU KNOW I NEVER RUSH TO

JUDGMENT.

I LIVE IN JUDGMENT TO CUT DOWN

ON MY COMMUTE.

THIS IS TIP OF THE HAT, WAG OF

THE FINGER.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

FOLKS, AS TELEVISION'S FOREMOST

CATHOLIC, I'M ALWAYS LOOKING OUT

FOR THE HOTTEST TRENDS HITTING

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH.

THAT'S WHY I'M GIVING A TIP OF

THE HAT TO THE CATHOLIC DIOCESE

OF BROOKLYN FOR REACHING OUT TO

A HIP NEW AUDIENCE.

>> YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THESE ON

PHONE BOOTHS AND PAPERING GYM

WALLS IN QUEENS AND BROOKLYN.

THEY ARE ADVERTISEMENTS OF A

SNEAKER-WEARING JESUS.

THE ADS CALL HIM THE ORIGINAL

HIPSTER BUT IT IS NOT A SLAM

MUCH IT'S AN ATTEMPT TO GET

PEOPLE TO CHURCH.

>> Stephen: YES, JESUS WAS THE

ORIGINAL HIPSTER.

AFTER ALL HE WAS INTO

CHRISTIANITY WAY BEFORE IT WENT

MAINSTREAM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I DIDN'T SEE

THIS SOONER, FOLKS.

AN UNEMPLOYED 33-YEAR-OLD WHO

HOME-BREWS HIS OWN WATER INTO

WINE, AND THINKS HE'S GOD'S GIFT

TO HUMANITY.

THAT'S LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY IN

BROOKLYN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

AND JESUS WAS IRONIC AS IT GETS.

WHEN EVERYONE ELSE WENT

SWIMMING, JESUS WAS LIKE, NAH,

I'D RATHER GO FOR A WALK.

EVEN HIS DEATH WAS IRONIC.

SUP, ROMANS, YEAH, I WAS DEAD

FOR A WHILE.

BUT THEN I GOT BORED, YOLO.

NEXT I'M NO FAN OF DRUGS, FOLKS.

THEY'RE IMMORAL.

HEY, DRUG MULES, SWALLOW THAT

HERO WIN WITHOUT A CONDOM.

FAMILY VALUES AND SADLY, FOLKS,

THERE'S A NEW DRUG THREAT ON THE

HORIZON AND IT'S COMING FROM

INSIDE THE HOUSE OR POSSIBLY THE

KENNEL.

>> A VET IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

IS ADVOCATING THE USE OF MEDICAL

MARIJUANA FOR PETS.

THAT SUFFER FROM CHRONIC

CONDITIONS.

DR. DOUG KRAMER, A VET GURU,

SAYS HE BELIEVES ANIMALS CAN

BENEFIT FROM THE ACTIVE

INGREDIENT H.T.C. IN MARIJUANA

JUST THE SAME WAY THAT HUMANS

DO.

HE SAYS HIS OWN DOG BENEFITED

FROM THE USE OF MEDICAL

MARIJUANA.

>> Stephen: THERE WAS A VET WHO

HAD A DOG AND BONG-O WAS HIS

NAME-O.

SO, A WAG OF MY FINGER AT STONER

DOGS.

JOKES,... FOLKS, WE CAN'T LET

OUR DOGS RIDE THE MARY JANE

TRAIN.

OR ELSE IN NO TIME THEY'LL BE

SLEEPING ALL DAY, EATING

WHATEVER THEY FIND, HUMPING

ANYTHING THAT MOVES... OH, MY

GOD, IT'S TOO LATE.

THAT EXPLAINS WHY DOGS ALWAYS

FREAK OUT WHEN SOMEONE COMES TO

THE DOOR.

THEY'RE PARANOID IT'S THE COPS.

(DOG BARKING) WAIT.

WHAT'S THAT?

(DOG BARKING) LASSIE, WHAT

HAPPENED, GIRL?

(DOG BARKING) TIMMY'S FALLEN

DOWN A WE WILL?

BUT YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM BECAUSE

YOU'RE BAKED OUT OF YOUR GOURD

AND YOUR FRIEND SKINNY LOU IS

COMING OVER TO WATCH ADULT SWIM?

BAD GIRL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT

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