Anti-frack Attacks

  • Aired:  07/11/11
  •  | Views: 80,587

To promote fracking, Talisman Energy releases Talisman Terry the Frackosaurus, the funnest energy extraction-based character since Mountaintop Mining Manny. (5:34)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NATION, I DON'T

HAVE TO TELL YOU WE HAVE AN

ENERGY CRISIS ON OUR HANDS.

EVEN OUR MOST VOLATILE

SOURCE OF FUEL LASTS ONLY

FIVE HOURS.

THAT'S WHY I AM SUCH A HUGE

SUPPORTER OF HYDRO FRACKING.

THE DRILLING PROCESS THAT

BLASTS PRESSURIZED WATER,

SAND AND CHEMICALS BELOW THE

EARTH'S SURFACE TO BREAK UP

ROCK AND RELEASE NATURAL

GAS.

IT'S LIKE GIVING THE EARTH

AN ALKA SELLINGER IF THE

ALKA SELLINGER SHATTERED

YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS SO OIL

COMPANY KOS HARVEST YOUR

JUICES.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: NOW FOLKS THERE

IS GOOD NEWS ON THE FRACKING

FRONT.

BECAUSE 1 WEEK AGO NEW YORK

GOVERNOR ANDREW COMO

ANNOUNCED THAT HE WANTS TO

LIFT THE BAN ON FRACKING IN

THIS STATE.

AND I SAY FAIR'S FAIR.

AFTER ALL HE JUST SIGNED A

BILL SAYING GAY COUPLES

COULD LEGALLY FRACK EACH

OTHER.

WHY CAN'T ENERGY

COMPANIES --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

YEAH, YOU SEE.

THESE PEOPLE ARE ANGRY TOO.

WHY CAN'T ENERGY COMPANIES

DRILL IN OUR BACKYARD.

NEW YORK --

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: OH YEAH, I WENT

THERE.

I LIVE THERE.

NOW IT TURNS OUT NEW YORK IS

OVER THE NORTHERN PART OF

WHAT'S CALL THE MARCEL US

SHALE FORMATION AND FRACKING

IT WILL HELP FREE US OF

DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

YOU SEE AMERICA HAS TWO

SAUDI ARABIA'S WORTH OF OIL

IN THE FORM OF NATURAL GAS.

TWO SAUDI ARABIA'S WORTH OF

OIL SO PUT THAT INTO

PERSPECTIVE, THAT'S AS MUCH

OIL AS SIX IRAQS OR ONE SIDE

OF SONIC TATER TOTS.

MY ONLY WORRY, FOLKS, MY

ONLY WORRY IS WE WILL BECOME

TWO DEPENDENT ON OURSELVES

AND END UP INVADING

PENNSYLVANIA.

THAT PLACE IS A QUAGMIRE

FULL OF RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS

AND FANATICS.

UNFORTUNATELY --

(APPLAUSE)

UNFORTUNATELY HYDRO FRACKING

HAS COME UNDER FIRE FOR

CAUSING OTHER THINGS TO COME

UNDER HIRE.

>> THESE CHEMICALS WHICH ARE

VERY DANGEROUS NEUROTOXINS

AND CARCINOGENS AND THE GAS

ITSELF MIGRATE INTO THE

AQUIFERS AND YOU GET THIS

KIND OF SITUATION WHERE

PEOPLE CAN ALL OF A SUDDEN

LIGHT THEIR WATER ON FIRE.

>> I SAY THIS IS AN

IMPROVEMENT.

WHAT WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE

IN YOUR KEVIN, A BORING OLD

WATER FAUCET OR A BUILT-IN

CREME BRULE MAKER.

AND THAT'S JUST -- THIS IS

JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE

ANTI-FRACK ATTACKS OUT

THERE.

LAST YEAR THE PENNSYLVANIA

DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL

PROTECTION CITED ONE

FRACKING COMPANY, TALISMAN

ENERGY WITH 145 VIOLATIONS

SUCH AS IMPROPER DISPOSAL OF

DRILL CUTTINGS AND FUEL

SPILLS.

BUT TALISMAN HAS FOUND A WAY

TO COUNTERTHEIR IMAGE

PROBLEM BY RELEASING THIS

ACTUAL COLOURING BOOK TO

EDUCATE KIDS ABOUT HOW GREAT

FRACKING IS.

IT'S CALLED TALLIST --

TALISMAN TERRY'S ENERGY

ADVENTURE STARRING TALISMAN

TERRY THE FRIENDLY

FRACKASAARUS.

THE FUNNEST ENERGY

EXTRACTION BASED CHILDREN'S

CHARACTER SINCE MASSEY

COLE'S MOUNTAINTOP MINING

MANNY WHOSE HEAD BLOWN OFF

SO THEY CAN GET AT HIS

VALUABLE BRAIN COAL.

NOW IN TALISMAN'S COLOURING

BOOK TERRY SAYS NATURAL GAS

IS ONE OF THE CLEANEST,

SAFEST AND MOST USEFUL

ENERGY SOURCES.

AND THAT ONCE A WELL IS

CLOSED, THE LAND IS

RECLAIMED AND RETURNED TO

THE WAY IT WAS BEFORE

TALISMAN CAME TO DRILL.

YOU SEE BEFORE DRILLING,

AFTER DRILLING.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: IT ACTUALLY GETS

BETTER.

THAT RAINBOW WAS TRAPPED

UNDERGROUND.

BUT THE FRACKING SET IT

FREE.

UNLESS THAT'S NOT A RAINBOW

BUT A GEYSER OF HIGHLY

COMBUSTABLE NEUROTOXINS.

IN WHICH CASE, KIDS, WILL

YOU WANT TO COLOR IT BROWN.

BUT FOLKS, IT'S NOT JUST

HARD FACTS LIKE THIS.

THAT, THIS COLOURING BOOK

ALSO TUGS AT THE HEART

STRINGS.

BECAUSE AS TERRY SAYS

NATURAL GAS IS CREATED FROM

ORGANIC MATERIAL LIKE THE

DINOSAUR.

PICTURED RIGHT HERE.

NOW KEEP IN MIND, TERRY IS A

DINOSAUR.

AND HE'S ENCOURAGING US TO

USE THE REMAINS OF HIS OWN

DEAD RELATIVES TO HEAT OUR

HOMES.

AND FOLKS, I HAVE UNCOVERED

SOME BONUS PAGES THAT SHOW

THE REST OF TERRY'S

EMOTIONAL JOURNEY.

HERE'S TERRY DRIVING HOME

FROM WORK GRIEVE STRICTEN AS

THE GOES OF HIS GRANDMOTHER

BILLOWS FROM HIS TAILPIPE.

(APPLAUSE)

AND MARE'S TERRY STARING

INTO HIS OWN HAGGARD

REFLECTION SURROUNDED BY THE

CONDEMNING STARES OF HIS

VIOLATED ANCESTORS, THEN

DRIVEN MAD BY GUILT TERRY

DECIDES TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE

BY STEPPING INTO SHOT WE ARE,

LIGHTING A CIGARETTE AND

LETTING THE FLAMMABLE FRACK

WATER END HIS PAIN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND, FOLKS, THERE'S A HAPPY

ENDING BECAUSE MILLIONS OF

YEARS AFTER HE'S BURIED KIDS

USE THE GAS PRODUCED BY

TERRY'S FOSSILLIZED REMAINS

TO COOK HOT DOGS.

BY THE WAY, KIDS, WHERE

THOSE HOT DOGS CAME FROM IS

A WHOLE OTHER COLOURING

BOOK.

AND JUST AS HAUNTING.