Russian Meteor Strike

  • Aired:  02/19/13
  •  | Views: 32,148

After an unexpected and cataclysmic 10-ton meteor strike in Russia, NASA scrambles to improve its asteroid detection program. (4:13)

.

["THE COLBERT REPORT" THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[EAGLE CAW]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

[CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN!"]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU SO MUCH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I THINK THAT THIS WORLD WOULD BE A MUCH BETTER PLACE IF I COULD TAKE

THAT KIND OF ENERGY, PUT IT IN A PAPER BAG AND HUFF IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND.

I TOOK AN ALL-EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO CRAP-MY-PANTS-ISTAN BECAUSE LAST FRIDAY THIS HAPPENED.

>> A TEN TON METEOR RACING AT 33,000 MILES PER HOUR THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE STREEKD OVER A

RUSSIAN CITY 900 MILES OF EAST OF MOSCOW BEFORE EXPLODING OF BLINDING BRIGHT LIGHT SAID TO

HAVE THE POWER OF AN ATOMIC BOMB.

>> ITS REMINDED ME OF ACTION MOVIES LIKE-TERM NATEOR 4 THIS WITNESS SAID.

>> Stephen: YES, THIS FIREBALL WAS JUST LIKE "TERMINATOR 4 " EXCEPT PEOPLE SAW IT.

[LAUGHTER]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

FOLKS, THE EARTH IS UNDER ATTACK FROM GIANT SPACE ROCKS.

THE DINOSAURS TRIED TO WARN US BY BEING DEAD.

[LAUGHTER]

NOW, ALL WEEKEND I WAS DOWN IN THE BUNKER WATCHING THESE INCREDIBLE YOUTUBE CLIPS OF THE

METEOR STREAKING ACROSS THE SKY AND EXPLODING.

IT'S ACTUALLY REPLACED MY PREVIOUS FAVORITE VIDEO: AN ADORABLE KITTEN STREAKING ACROSS THE

SKY AND EXPLODING.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH VIDEO OF THE METEOR?

FOR THE ANSWER, LET'S GO TO THE VIDEO.

>> A MAJORITY OF THIS FOOTAGE WAS RECORDED PURELY BY CHANCE.

CAPTURED BY SMALL, DASH-MOUNTED CAMERAS THAT ARE NOW THE LATEST FAD AMONG RUSSIAN CAR OWNERS.

MOTORISTS HAVE TURNED TO DASH CAMS FOR SELF-PROTECTION, VISUAL PROOF TO FEND OFF CHARGES FROM

POSSIBLY CORRUPT POLICE OFFICERS AND FROM INSURANCE SCAMMERS, WHO OFTEN STAGE ACCIDENTS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: NOW THAT MAN LOST HIS PERSONAL INJURY LAWSUIT, BUT HE DID WIN THE COVETED SCAMMIE

AWARD FOR BEST ACTOR ON A SEDAN.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT HERE IS THE SCARY PART.

HERE IS THE SCARY PART, FOLKS, WE DID NOT SEE THIS METEOR COMING.

SO CLEARLY, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE IN A RAIN OF FIRE IF WE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS WAKEUP CALL.

FORTUNATELY, NASA'S ON THIS ONE.

THEY HAVE SCRAMBLED TO IMPROVE OUR ASTEROID DETECTION PROGRAM.

BECAUSE, EVIDENTLY, THEIR PREVIOUS ASTEROID PROGRAM HASN'T BEEN UPDATED SINCE THE 1980s.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS GOOD.

I WAS REALLY GOOD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO CLEARLY, NASA NOW HAS A LASER-LIKE FOCUS ON PREVENTING CATACLYSMIC METEOR STRIKES.

SO LET'S CHECK IN WITH THE ACTUAL FOOTAGE THEY RELEASED YESTERDAY FROM THE INTERNATIONAL

SPACE STATION-- THE FIRST AND ONLY LINE OF DEFENSE AGAINST TERROR FROM THE SKY.

>> SO WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO, WE'RE GONNA OPEN UP OUR TORTILLA, GET OUR PEANUT BUTTER,

SQUIRT IT ON THE TORTILLA, GET THE HONEY SQUIRT THAT ON THERE, AND WE WILL HAVE A PEANUT BUTTER

AND HONEY SANDWICH IN SPACE.

HMM-- NOT TOO BAD.

[LAUGHTER]

Loading...