The Word - The New Abnormal

  • Aired:  01/28/13
  •  | Views: 50,311

Australia adds new colors to the weather map for temperatures above 125 degrees, and conservatives hit the fifth stage of right-wing climate change grief: acceptance. (6:17)

SCANNER TO FLASH PEOPLE YOUR JUNK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, FOLKS, MY GUEST TONIGHT A MAN NAMED MICHAEL SHELLENBERGER.

HE IS AN ENVIRONMENTAL STRATEGIST WHO BELIEVES THAT WE NEED NEW THINKING WHEN IT COMES

TO THE BATTLE AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING. I AGREE.

MY OLD THINKING WAS "WHAT GLOBAL WARMING?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, I BEGAN TO BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING AFTER AL GORE'S MOVIE MADE MONEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THE MARKET HAD SPOKEN.

IT'S THE SAME REASON I BELIEVE OUR CHILDREN ARE FIGHTING TO THE DEATH IN CAPITOL CITY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THE EVIDENCE IS GROWING.

LOOK NO FURTHER THAN AUSTRALIA, WHICH WAS JUST SIMULTANEOUSLY BATTERED BY TYPHOONS, WILDFIRES,

AND RECORD HEAT.

AND THAT'S IN JANUARY.

IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE THERE IN THE SUMMER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --

[ LAUGHTER ]

-- AUSTRALIA DIDN'T TAKE THIS LYING DOWN.

THEY STRUCK BACK WITH NEW TECHNOLOGIES.

>> WE KNOW GLOBAL WARMING HAS CREATED SUCH EXTREME WEATHER IN AUSTRALIA, THE COUNTRY'S BUREAU

OF METEOROLOGY HAS ADDED TWO NEW COLORS TO THE COUNTRY'S WEATHER MAPS, AN INCANDESCENT PURPLE AND

MAGENTA, SO THE MAPS CAN FAITHFULLY REPRESENT TEMPERATURES LIKE 125 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT.

>> Stephen: YES, NEW MAP COLORS.

I BELIEVE THE TEMPERATURE COLOR WHEEL GOES ORANGE, RED, PURPLE, MAGENTA, FEVER BLISTER, AND

SATAN'S TAINT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT WHAT'S REALLY DISTURBING ABOUT THIS CONTINENT ON FIRE IS THAT IT'S GOT PEOPLE WANTING TO

DO SOMETHING ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING.

AND THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S WORD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE NEW ABNORMAL.

LAST WEEK, PRESIDENT OBAMA CYNICALLY USED THE INAUGURAL ADDRESS TO PUSH HIS RADICAL

PRO-SURVIVAL AGENDA.

>> WE WILL RESPOND TO THE THREAT OF CLIMATE CHANGE.

THE PATH TOWARDS SUSTAINABLE ENERGY SOURCES WILL BE LONG AND SOMETIMES DIFFICULT, BUT AMERICA

CANNOT RESIST THIS TRANSITION.

>> Stephen: I DIDN'T THINK THIS PART OF HIS SPEECH WOULD GET ANY TRACTION.

IT'S LIKE IF JFK ANNOUNCED THE APOLLO PROGRAM BUT HALF THE COUNTRY DENIED THE MOON EXISTS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT I WAS SHOCKED WHEN I SAW A NEW POLL THAT FOUND 78% OF RESPONDENTS BELIEVED THE PLANET

HAD WARMED OVER THE PAST 100 YEARS.

THE OTHER 22% BURST INTO FLAMES

[ LAUGHTER ]

EVEN KOCH BROTHERS-FUNDED BELIEVE THAT INDIA IS OUT THERE SCRUBBING THEIR COAL TO MAKE IT

NICE AND CLEAN?

>> I DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO MUCH ABOUT IT UNLESS YOU WANT TO DE-INDUSTRIALIZE CHINA AND INDIA

AND ALL THESE DEVELOPING COUNTRIES.

WHAT CAN YOU DO ABOUT IT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Stephen: THANKS, FOR LITERALLY NOTHING, GUYS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT AS LITTLE AS THAT ATTITUDE HELPS, PERHAPS NO ONE OFFERS MORE NOTHING THAN CNN

CONSERVATIVE COMMENTATOR AND INERTIAL LUMP ERICK ERICKSON.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> REALLY THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS, WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

WE COULD SHUT DOWN PRODUCTION OF EVERYTHING TOMORROW THAT CAUSES GREENHOUSE GASES AND CHINA AND

INDIA AREN'T.

AND EVEN IF EVERYONE DID, THE EFFECTS WOULDN'T TAKE EFFECT 'TIL A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW.

>> Stephen: YEAH, WHAT'S THE POINT OF GOING TO ALL THAT TROUBLE, IF ME AND ERICK

ERICKSON WON'T BE AROUND TO ENJOY IT?

[ LAUGHTER ]

SURE, OUR GRANDKIDS WILL, BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE GRANDPAS WHO SPOILS HIS

GRANDKIDS WITH A HABITABLE PLANET.

[ LAUGHTER ]

IT'S THE SAME REASON I WON'T BUY LIFE INSURANCE.

I GET HIT BY A BUS AND MY FAMILY GETS RICH?

SORRY, BUT I DON'T WANT ANYBODY HAPPY AT MY FUNERAL.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BUT THAT WASN'T ERICKSON'S ONLY NON-SOLUTION.

HE DUG DOWN DEEP AND HELPED EVEN LESS.

>> IT SEEMS LIKE IT'S A PROBLEM WE PROBABLY HAVE TO GET USED TO AS OPPOSED TO SOMETHING WE CAN CURE.

>> Stephen: YES, WE JUST NEED TO GET USED TO IT.

ERICKSON HAS FINALLY HIT THE FIFTH STAGE OF CONSERVATIVE CLIMATE CHANGE GRIEF: DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL,

AND ACCEPTANCE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW, SURE, AMERICA BEAT TOJO; WE CRUSHED HITLER; WE PUT A MAN ON THE MOON, BUT INCREMENTALLY

REDUCING Co2 EMISSIONS?

THAT SOUNDS LIKE WORK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HOW CAN WE FIGHT AN ENEMY WE CAN'T EVEN SEE?!

GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF HERE!

DID I HIT IT?

I DON'T KNOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO, IT'S HIGH TIME WE STOP TRYING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM AND RESIGN OURSELVES TO EACH DAY

GETTING WORSE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

BECAUSE WHEN ERICK ERICKSON SAYS, "GET USED IT," HE MEANS CITY-SWALLOWING STORMS, MASS

EXTINCTIONS, DEADLY HEATWAVES, CRIPPLING FLOODS, AND DROUGHTS THAT MAKE A DESERT OUT OF OKLAHOMA.

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS NOW.

OUR PROBLEMS ARE JUST TOO BIG TO CURE.

SO JOIN ME AND ERICK.

GIVE UP, CRAWL INTO BED WITH A CHEESECAKE AND WAIT FOR DEATH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW SURE, THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN GLOBAL WARMING ITSELF MIGHT BE KNOWING YOU'RE DESTROYING THE

PLANET AND DOING NOTHING, BUT IF GUYS LIKE ERICK HAVE THEIR WAY, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

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