Colbert Super PAC - Severe Candidate Warning

  • Aired:  11/05/12
  •  | Views: 45,677

A vortex of pandering threatens undecided female voters, and Mitt Romney proves how influential Colbert Super PAC has been in the election. (4:17)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

>> STEPHEN, STEPH Captioning sponsored by COMEDY CENTRAL STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) FOLKS, IT IS NO SECRET, IT IS ABSOLUTELY NO SECRET WHY THERE IS ELECTRICITY IN THE

AIR TONIGHT.

NATION, IT IS ELECTION EVE.

JUST HOURS LEFT IN THE 2012 CAMPAIGN.

BOTH CAMP DATS-- CAN DATS ARE PULLING OUT ALL THE STOPS.

>> HERE IS THE PRESIDENT'S FINAL TWO DAY, FLORIDA, NEW HAMPSHIRE, COLORADO, OHIO,

WISCONSIN AND EYE WATCH.

LET ME SHOW YOU THE MITT ROMNEY SCHEDULE.

HE'S TRYING TO GO INTO PENNSYLVANIA.

IT'S FLORIDA, IT'S VIRGINIA, IT'S NEW HAMPSHIRE.

>> Stephen: SO IF YOU LIVE IN ONE OF THESE STATES, "THE COLBERT REPORT" IS NOW

ISSUING A SEVERE CANDIDATE WARNING.

BE PREPARED WITH FRESH WATER AND FLASHLIGHTS AND PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A SINGLE WORKING

CLASS FEMALE SUBURBAN UNDECIDED VOTE NEVER YOUR HOME, COVER HER WITH PLYWOOD.

OR SHE COULD JUST GET SUKD UP INTO A VORTEX OF PANDERING.

NOW FOLKS, OVER A YEAR AGO I PROMISED TO MAKE YOU A PLAYER IN THIS ELECTION THANKS TO COLBERT SUPER PAC.

YOU KNOW OUR MOTTO, MAKING A BETTER TOMORROW --

>> TOMORROW!

>> Stephen: I REMEMBER WHEN I CAME UP WITH THAT SLOGAN.

SEEMS JUST LIKE YESTERDAY, YESTERDAY.

IF ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A LITTLE PROOF OF JUST HOW INFLUENTIAL WE HAVE BEEN IN THIS ELECTION, WELL, LISTEN

MITT ROMNEY TODAY.

GIVING HIS CLOSING ARGUMENTS.

>> YOUR WORK IS MAKING A DIFFERENCE.

THE PEOPLE OF THE WORLD ARE WATCHING.

THE PEOPLE OF AMERICA ARE WATCHING.

WE COULD BEGIN A BETTER TOMORROW TOMORROW.

>> Stephen: HE USED OUR SLOGAN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I LOVE YOU!

FOLKS, I THINK-- I THINK THAT PROVES THAT M ITT IS A CANDIDATE JUST AS SERIOUS AND SINCERE AS I AM.

(LAUGHTER) I MEAN MY WORDS, HIS MOUTH.

I FEEL LIKE I'M A BILLIONAIRE.

(LAUGHTER) NOW OF COURSE THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT MITT'S CAMPAIGN AND MY SUPER PAC ARE

COORDINATING IN ANYWAY.

IN FACT, I HAVE NO OFFICIAL RELATIONSHIP TO EITHER CAMPAIGN.

I HAVEN'T EVEN SIGNED UP FOR ANY OF THEIR E-MAILS BUT SOMEHOW AND THIS IS TRUE,

LAST WEEK THE OBAMA PEOPLE JUST FOUND ME.

AND HAVE BEEN SENDING ME E-MAILS.

OF COURSE IT JUST STARTED LAST WEEK SO I'VE ONLY RECEIVED 600 OF THEM.

(LAUGHTER) BUT ONE OF MY FAVORITES WAS FROM LITERARY LEGEND AND ONLY POET YOU EVER HEARD OF

MAYA ANGELOU.

MAYA WROTE-- GO!

RISE UP.

AND LET YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN EARLY VOTING STATES.

GO WHERE THEY CAN GO TODAY.

WE MUST MAKE OUR VOICES HEARD.

(APPLAUSE) I KNOW WHY THE CAGE BIRD-- NO DOUBT THE GOP IS SENDING OUT E-MAILS FROM

ROMNEY POTE LAUREATE KID ROCK.

SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF WATERER TO WATER, BANG A DANG DIGGY DIGGY DIGGY TAX CUTS!

FUN FACT, LIKE THE OTHER KIDS WHO SUPPORT MITT ROMNEY,

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