Colbert Super PAC - Nancy Pelosi's Ad & Barack Obama's Super PAC

  • Aired:  02/21/12
  •  | Views: 18,046

Nancy Pelosi smears Stephen in an effort to pass the Disclose Act, and Barack Obama reverses his stand on super PACs as his reelection campaign solicits donations. (6:47)

RESPONSIBLY.

(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS...

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

FOLKS, IT SEEMS THESE DAYS

EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT SUPER

PAC WHICH, THANKS TO THE SUPREME

COURT'S CITIZENS UNITED RULING,

CAN COLLECT AND SPEND UNLIMITED

MONEY ON POLITICAL ADVERTISING.

AND WHEN OTHER PEOPLE COVER THE

SUPER PAC STORY THAT OFFENDS ME.

BECAUSE I HAVE OWNED THIS STORY

SINCE LAST JUNE WHEN I FORMED

COLBERT SUPER PAC WITH ONE

SIMPLE YET NOBLE GOAL: TO RAISE

MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY.

AND I DID IT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, NOW IT SEEMS LIKE

EVERYBODY'S RIDING MY

WALLET-TAILS.

AT LAST COUNT, MORE THAN 320

SUPER PACS HAVE REGISTERED WITH

THE F.E.C.

IT'S NO SURPRISE THEY'RE COPYING

ME, FOLKS, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A

TRENDSETTER, EVER SINCE I

SINGLE-HANDEDLY POPULARIZED THE

BELL BOTTOM CROTCH.

(LAUGHTER)

LET'S 'EM DROP.

KEEPS 'EM WARM WHEN THEY'RE

SWINGING.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT, OF COURSE, WHEN YOU'RE KING

(BLEEP) ON MONEY TURD MOUNTAIN

EVERYBODY'S GUNNING FOR YOU.

LIKE MY GUEST TOMORROW HOUSE

MINORITY LEADER AND GLASS EYE

SUPERMODEL NANCY PELOSI.

(LAUGHTER)

SHE JUST RELEASED THIS AD

ATTACKING ME.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT USED TO BE MY

FRIEND, BUT SINCE THE DAY HE

STARTED HIS SUPER PAC TAKING

SECRET MONEY FROM SPECIAL

INTERESTS, HE'S BEEN OUT OF

CONTROL.

EVEN USING HIS SUPER PAC TO

ATTACK MY FRIEND NEWT GINGRICH.

(LAUGHTER)

IF THAT WEREN'T ENOUGH, I HEAR

HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE KITTENS.

(LAUGHTER)

JOIN ME IN STOPPING COLBERT AND

CREATING A NEW POLITICS FREE OF

SPECIAL INTEREST MONEY.

THE FIRST STEP IS PASSING THE

DISCLOSE ACT.

LEARN MORE AT

FACEBOOK.COM/STOPCOLBERT.

(BOOS).

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,

NANCY PELOSI... BOO!

A LITTLE LATE ON THAT.

NANCY PELOSI ATTACKED ME WITH

THE TWO MOST POWERFUL WEAPONS

IMAGINABLE-- A FLIP CAMERA AND

AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD NIECE WITH

I-MOVIE.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT, FOLKS, WHAT STINGS IS

PELOSI'S CHARGE THAT I DON'T

LIKE KITTENS.

REALLY?

WOULD SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LIKE

KITTENS HAVE ONE IN EACH HAND.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND, FOLKS, THESE...

(AUDIENCE REACTS)

THESE ARE NO MERE PROPS

PURCHASED RIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

THESE ARE MY BELOVED PETS

WHISKERS AND... AND OTHER

WHISKERS.

(LAUGHTER)

I LOVE THESE TWO LITTLE KITTENS

AND I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO

UNTIL THE MOMENT THEY BECOME

CATS.

(LAUGHTER)

GO DOWN THERE.

GO DOWN THERE, THERE YOU GO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NOW NANCY PELOSI...

(LAUGHTER).

NANCY PELOSI IS SMEARING ME AND

MY SUPER PAC JUST SO SHE CAN

PUSH SHADOWY LEGISLATION CALLED

"THE DISCLOSE ACT" WHICH WOULD

FORCE HELPLESS SUPER PACS LIKE

MINE TO REVEAL THEIR TOP FIVE

DONORS IN EACH AD.

FIVE?

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

I MEAN, NEWT'S PAC ONLY HAS ONE

DONOR.

TAKE AWAY SHELDON ADELSON AND

THE PRO-GINGRICH "WINNING OUR

FUTURE" PAC IS JUST A FEDERALLY

REGISTERED LEMONADE STAND.

BUT IF PELOSI REALLY WANTS

DISCLOSURE, SHE SHOULD GET HELP

FROM HER ANTI-SUPER PAC BUDDY

PRESIDENT OBAMA.

AFTER ALL, IN HIS 2010 STATE OF

THE UNION ADDRESS HE

TONGUE-LASHED THE SUPREME COURT

OVER CITIZENS UNITED AND DOUBLED

DOWN BEFORE THIS YEAR'S SUPER

BOWL.

>> ONE OF THE WORRIES WE HAVE,

OBVIOUSLY, IN THE NEXT CAMPAIGN

IS THAT THERE ARE SO MANY OF

THESE SO-CALLED SUPER PACS,

THERE'S GOING TO BE A LOT OF

MONEY FLOATING AROUND AND I

GUARANTEE YOU A BUNCH OF THAT'S

GOING TO BE NEGATIVE.

BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH

JUST TO SAY "THE OTHER GUY'S A

BUM."

>> Stephen: HE'S RIGHT.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO SAY THE OTHER

GUY'S A BUM.

YOU HAVE TO DESTROY YOUR

OPPONENT WITH A MOUNTAIN OF ADS

DEPICTING HIM AS A SHADY DRIFTER

RIDING THE RAILS, BURNING THE

CONSTITUTION IN TRASH FIRES FOR

WARMTH AND LEAVING IN HIS WAKE A

TRAIL OF DEAD PROSTITUTES.

(LAUGHTER)

THAT COSTS SERIOUS MONEY.

NOW, THAT ANTI-SUPER PAC J.D.

THERE WAS ON SUPER BOWL SUNDAY.

THIS IS 12 HOURS LATER.

>> FOR THE FIRST TIME PRESIDENT

OBAMA'S REELECTION CAMPAIGN

BEGAN ASKING MAJOR CONTRIBUTORS

TO GIVE MONEY TO A SUPER PAC

THAT SUPPORTS THE PRESIDENT.

>> Stephen: BOY, HE MUST HAVE

LOST A TON OF MONEY ON THE

PATRIOTS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THE PRESIDENT HAD A VERY

GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS

COMPLETE 180.

>> YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND ON

SUPER PACS.

IT USED TO BE MORALLY WRONG AND

NOW YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE THE

MONEY.

>> I STILL THINK THE CITIZENS

UNITED DECISION MADE BY THE

SUPREME COURT WAS THE WRONG

DECISION.

WHAT I'VE SAID CONSISTENTLY IS

WE'RE NOT GOING TO JUST

UNILATERALLY DISARM.

>> Stephen: YES!

NO MATTER HOW MORALLY WRONG YOU

BELIEVE A SYSTEM IS, YOU HAVE TO

USE IT IN ORDER TO DEFEAT IT!

IT'S LIKE HOW LINCOLN WON THE

CIVIL WAR BY BUYING A BUNCH OF

SLAVES.

(LAUGHTER)

AND, FOLKS, OBAMA IS GOING TO

NEED THAT MONEY IN ORDER TO

FIGHT THE $100 MILLION THE KOCH

BROTHERS AND FRIENDS PLEDGED TO

DEFEAT OBAMA.

INCLUDING $40 MILLION FROM

CHARLES AND $20 MILLION FROM

DAVID.

BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS DAVID'S

THE CHEAP ONE.

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN THE CHECK COMES FOR

OVERTHROWING THE GOVERNMENT,

HE'S ALWAYS IN THE BATHROOM.

(LAUGHTER)

SO IN LIGHT OF MR. SMALL DONOR'S

REVERSAL ON SUPER PACS, I HAVE

JUST ONE THING TO SAY.

(LAUGHTER)

WELCOME, YOUNG PAC-WALKER.

FEEL THE POWER OF THE GREEN

SIDE.

EMBRACE YOUR DESTINY.

JOIN ME AND TOGETHER WE WILL

RULE THE GALAXY!

FOR FOUR YEARS, AFTER THAT IT

WILL BE SOMEBODY ELSE, MAYBE

HILLARY.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE GALAXY!

YOU ARE NOW DARTH DARTH-BAMA!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

(SCREAMING)

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