Confirming Elena

  • Aired:  05/13/10
  •  | Views: 43,339

The New York Post isn't saying Elena Kagan is a lesbian, it's just asking the question next to a photo of her playing softball. (4:23)

THANK YOU.

IN HERE, OUT THERE, I'M SORRY,

I'M JUST A LITTLE DISTRACTED.

I'M JUST CHECKING ON SOME OF THE

RUMORS ABOUT SUPREME COURT

NOMINEE ELENA KAGAN.

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THEM ON

TUESDAY.

I TOLD YOU I COULDN'T TELL YOU

ABOUT THEM.

LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

YOU SEE, NO ONE WANTS TO BE

FIRST TO LET THE, LET'S SAY,

SUBARU OUT OF THE BAG.

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, THANK GOD, THANK GOD FOR

RUPERT MURDOCH.

THAT MAN KNOWS HOW TO REPORT THE

NEWS THAT YOU CAN'T REPORT.

YOU SEE, ON TUESDAY ON THE FRONT

PAGE OF MURDOCH'S "WALL STREET

JOURNAL," THEY FEATURED AN OLD

PHOTO OF KAGAN PLAYING SOFTBALL.

TOTALLY INNOCENT.

ALL PART OF THE JOURNAL'S

WELL-KNOWN COMMITMENT TO TITLE 9

SPORTS.

WELL, THEN SOME GAY RIGHTS

ORGANIZATIONS COMPLAINED THAT

THE PAPER WAS INSINUATING SHE'S

A LESBIAN, WHICH ISRY RIDICULOUS

THIS PHOTO DOES NOT MEAN

ANYTHING.

I MEAN, IN COLLEGE A LOT OF

GIRLS EXPERIMENT WITH SOFTBALL.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT THE FACT THAT THESE

ORGANIZATIONS COMPLAINED ABOUT

THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL" IS

NEWS, WHICH THEN ALLOWED

MURDOCH'S OTHER PAPER, "THE NEW

YORK POST," TO RUN A STORY ON

PAGE SEVEN ABOUT THE COMPLAINT

ABOUT THE "JOURNAL" RUNNING THE

PHOTO WITH THE HEADLINE, "DOES

THIS PHOTO SUGGEST HIGH-COURT

NOMINEE ELENA KAGAN IS A

LESBIAN?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THIS, THIS, FOLKS, IS GREAT

JOURNALISM.

ALL THE BEST HEADLINES ARE

QUESTIONS.

REMEMBER VJ DAY.

"IS THE WAR OVER?"

OR THE MOON LANDING, "HAS ANYONE

SEEN NEIL ARMSTRONG LATELY?"

THE POINT IS THE "POST" IS NOT

SAYING SHE'S A LESBIAN.

THEY'RE JUST ASKING THE QUESTION

NEXT TO PHOTO OF KAGAN PLAYING

SOFTBALL, WHICH ITSELF IS NEXT

TO AN ARTICLE SAYING ALL WOMEN

WHO PLAY SOFTBALL ARE LESBIANS.

THIS IS WHAT I ADMIRE.

ANY NEWS ORGANIZATION CAN GATHER

NEWS, BUT MURDOCH KNOWS HOW TO

MAKE IT A SUSTAINABLE CROP.

HE PLANTS THE NEWS IN THE "WALL

STREET JOURNAL," HE FERTILIZES

IT IN THE "NEW YORK POST," AND

THEN HE HARVESTS IT ON FOX NEWS.

>> CRITICS CALL IT A BLATANT

ATTEMPT TO INCENDIARY WAIT THAT

KAGAN IS A LESBIAN.

>> THE GAY AND LESBIAN ALLIANCE

AGAINST DEFAMATION HAS SAID IT'S

CLEARLY AN ILLUSION TO HER BEING

GAY.

>> NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT

BECAUSE THE WOMAN PLAYED

SOFTBALL SHE MAY BE GAY.

>> Stephen: ENOUGH.

CONSIDERING HOW MUCH THEY REPORT

ON THEIR OWN STORIES, FOX NEWS

MAY BE GAY FOR ITSELF.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I DO, FOLKS...

[APPLAUSE]

I DO... I HAVE TO FAULT MURDOCH

ON ONE THING.

HE BURIED THE LEAD.

IN THIS ARTICLE OVER HERE IT

SAYS, "SOME SAY THAT LESBIANS

AND SOFTBALL GO TOGETHER LIKE

PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY."

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT HAVE WE BEEN FEEDING OUR

KIDS?

AND I CAN ONLY IMAGINE... AND I

CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF

SICK STUFF IS GOING ON IN A JAR

OF GOOBER GRAPE.

[LAUGHTER]

I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE SOME SORT

OF HERMAPHRO-SPREAD.

AND WHAT DOES IT SAY, FOLKS,

WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT ME THEY

EAT MY PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY

SANDWICH LIKE THIS?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> THAT IS DELICIOUS.

>> ANYWAY, CONGRATULATIONS TO

EVERYBODY INVOLVED.

BY THE WAY, SHE'S NOT GAY.

THE WHITE HOUSE DENIES IT.

FRIENDS HAVE DENIED IT,

INCLUDING OLD PRINCETON PAL

ELIOT SPITZER, WHO SAYS HE KNOWS

SHE'S STRAIGHT.

AND IF SPITZER SAYS IT, THAT

PROVES SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN.

SHE'S A PROSTITUTE.

NATION...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I GOT SOME SERIOUS RUMORS STUCK

TO THE ROOF OF MY MOUTH.

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