Hurricane Sandy Traffic Ordeal

  • Aired:  11/01/12
  •  | Views: 47,264

While millions face power loss after the hurricane, nothing compares to Stephen's insufferable morning commute. (3:33)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: WELCOMED TO REPORT, EVERYBODY!

THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN SLARM STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NATION, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I AM SO HAPPY YOU'RE ALL HERE WITH ME IN THE WAKE OF HURRICANE SANDY.

COUNTEDLESS PEOPLE ARE STILL STRUGGLING.

AND BEFORE WE GO ON I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS THE MILLIONS IN THE TRISTATE AREA WITHOUT POWER.

AND I'M GOING TO TALK A LITTLE LOUDER RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I KNOW THEIR TVs AREN'T WORKING.

(LAUGHTER) POWER CHALLENGED NATION, PLEASE PUT DOWN THE PEANUT BUTTER ARE YOU LICKING OUT OF YOUR MOUSETRAP AND JUST

LISTEN UP FOR A MINUTE.

I WANT TO YOU HANG IN THERE.

THE NATIONAL GUARD IS ASSISTING THE JERSEY SHORE.

GOVERNOR CHRIS CHRISTIE AND PRESIDENT OBAMA HAVE BEEN STRATEGIZING TOGETHER ON THE CLEANUP.

AND JOE BIDEN IS USING HIS TEETH TO ILLUMINATE HOBOKEN.

FOLKS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) LOVELY SET OF CHOPPERS.

NOW FOLKS WE'VE ALL BEEN AFFECTED BY THE STORM.

EVEN ME.

YES, I STILL HAVE POWER AT BOTH MY OFFICE AND MY HOME AND MY OTHER HOME.

AND GAS AND HEAT AND PHONE SERVICE AND MY T1 LINE IS STILL LIGHTNING FAST.

AND MY TOAST CERTIFICATE STILL MAKING TOP-NOTCH TOAST.

BUT I DID HAVE TO TAKE IN MY NEIGHBOR ALLEN AFTER HE LOST POWER.

I SET HIM UP ON A COT IN THE GAR ACHBLINGT HE SHOULD FEEL RIGHT AT HOME SURROUNDED BY ALL OF HIS TOOLS I HAVE BORROWED.

(LAUGHTER) I TOLD HIM-- (APPLAUSE) I TOLD HIM IF HE GETS COLD JUST START THE CAR.

(LAUGHTER) BUT FOLKS, THAT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE ORDEAL I WENT THROUGH THIS MORNING.

YOU SEE, MAYOR BLOOMBERG'S LETTING ONLY CARS WITH THREE OR MORE PASSENGERS CROSS THE BRIDGES AND TUNNELS INTO MANHATTAN.

AN OF COURSE NORMALLY IT'S JUST ME AND MY DRIVER HECTOR.

SO THIS MORNING I HAD TO-- I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY THIS IS HARD TO GET OUT.

THIS MORNING, INSTEAD OF GOING IN HECTOR'S AUDI A 8 L WITH THE HEATED LEATHER SEATS I HAD TO-- TAKE THE BUS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: YES.

A PUBLIC BUS.

(LAUGHTER) WITH THE PUBLIC IN IT.

I COULDN'T FIND THE SEAT WARMER SO I KEPT PULLING ON THAT STRING TO CALL THE STEWARD ES BUT NOBODY CAME.

THEY NEVER EVEN BROUGHT OUT THE DRIJ CAR.

I FELT LIKE VIGGO MORTENSON ON "THE ROAD" COME ON BLOOMBERG I KNOW THIS IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME STORM BUT IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS.

WHAT'S THE HOLDUP?

HOW HARD IS IT TO DRAIN SEAWATER FROM 20 MILES OF SUBWAY TUNNELS?

THROW A FEW SHAMWOW'S DOWN THERE.

WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!

GOD, PLEASE.

DON'T MAKE ME GO ON THAT BUS WITH THOSE PEOPLE AGAIN.

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