The Word - See No Evil

  • Aired:  10/31/13
  •  | Views: 63,907

Allegations surface that the NSA spied on the Vatican, and Representative Mike Rogers defends the agency via circular logic. (6:10)

>> FOLKS SPEAKING OF SPOOKY,EVERY DAY AMERICA WAKES UP TO A

NEW REVELATION ABOUT NSA SPYING,JUST HOW DEEP DOES IT GO AND WHY

DOES THAT CLOCK ON MY BED KNOWEXACTLY WHAT TIME I NEED TO WAKE

UP?

>> STILL, FOLKS, THE MORE ILEARN, THE SAFER I FEEL.

NSA IS PROTECTING AMERICA ANDTHEIR GLOBAL SPY NETWORK MAKES

US INVINCIBLE TO ANYONE WHO ISNOT A 29-YEAR-OLD DUDE WITH A

THUMB DRIVE.

>> BUT WITH SOME LEAKS IN MY OWNHOUSE AND I HOPE THE GOVERNMENT

HANDLES THE LEAKS THE SAME WAYBY HIRING A CONTRACTOR TO WHACK

IT A FEW TIMES WITH A MONKEYWRENCH.

BECAUSE TODAY BROUGHT ANOTHERTHE EXPLOSIVE REVELATION.

>> THERE IS ANOTHER NEW REPORTON THE NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY

TODAY.

AND ITALIAN MAGAZINE CALLEDPANORAMA REPORTS THE NSA MAY

HAVE SPIED ON THE POPE.

AND SOME CARDINALS.

SOURCES AT THE MAGAZINE HAVEBEEN TOLD THE NSA EAVESDROPPED

ON VATICAN PHONE CALLS BEFORETHE CONCLAVE, THAT TOP SECRET

MEETING OF CARDINALS.

>> #01: FOLKS.

I AM A DEVOUT CATHOLIC BUT IBELIEVE THE NSA MUST SPY ON THE

VATICAN, THEY ARE TAPPING THEDIRECT LINE TO GOD.

AND AS I HAVE POINTED OUT, THISGUY HAS GOT A BEARD, SPENT A LOT

OF TIME IN THE MIDDLE EAST AND IKEEP HEARING HE HAS GOT SOME

"PLAN" THAT FOR SOME REASONALWAYS INVOLVES YOUR GRANDPA

DYING.

BUT SADLY, SADLY, THERE AREMISGUIDED CRITICS OUT THERE WHO

VALUE SOMETHING MORE THAN TOTALOPERATIONAL AND SITUATIONAL

AWARENESS.

LET'S GO DOWN.

>> UTTERLY OUT OF CONTROL.

>> THERE HAS TO BE A BALANCEBETWEEN PRIVACY AND SECURITY.

>> THE UNITED STATES HAS SIMPLYGOT THE BALANCE WRONG.

TOO MUCH INVASION OF PRIVACY INTHE PURSUIT OF SECURITY.

>> #01:.

>> COME ON WHAT IS THE BIG DEALABOUT A GOVERNMENT INVASION OF

PRIVACY, AT THIS POINT WE HAVEINVADED EVERYWHERE ELSE.

THANKFULLY, THERE IS A WAY TOKEEP THE NSA SPYING PROGRAM

ALIVE WHILE STILL MAINTAININGAMERICA'S SENSE OF PRIVACY AND

THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'SWORD.

THE.

>> Colbert: SEE NO EVIL, THISWEEK THE HOUSE INTELLIGENCE

AGENCY HELD HEARINGS ON THENATIONAL SECURITY PROGRAM, I

HOPE AL QAEDA DOESN'T WATCHC-SPAN.

>> NOW, ONE WITNESS, AMERICANUNIVERSITY LAW PROFESSOR STEPHEN

LAD DACK CLAIMS THE NSA PROGRAMVIOLATED THE FOURTH AMENDMENT,

NOW, LUCKILY, MICHIGANREPRESENTATIVE AND MEATLOAF

STUNT DOUBLE MIKE ROGERSCOUNTERED WITH THE LATEST IN

JUSTIFICATION TECHNOLOGY.

>> I WOULD ARGUE THAT MAYBE THEFACT THAT WE HAVEN'T HAD ANY

COMPLAINTS COME FORWARD WITH ANYSPECIFICITY, ARGUING THAT THEIR

PRIVACY HAS BEEN VIOLATEDCLEARLY INDICATES IN TEN YEARS,

CLEARLY INDICATES THAT SOMETHINGMUST BE DOING RIGHT, SOMEBODY

MUST BE DOING SOMETHING EXACTLYRIGHT.

>> Colbert: YEAH, FOR TENYEARS NO ONE COMPLAINED ABOUT

THE THING THEY DIDN'T KNOWEXISTED.

NOW, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, THATIS SOUND LOGIC TO ME.

WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER FOR THAT,PROFESSOR?

>> BUT WHO WOULD BE COMPLAINING?

>> SOMEBODY WHOSE PRIVACY WASVIOLATED.

YOU CAN'T HAVE YOUR PRIVACYVIOLATED IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR

PRIVACY IS VIOLATED, RIGHT?

>> Colbert: RIGHT.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR PRIVACYWAS VIOLATED THEN IT WASN'T.

IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE IF YOUDON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

FOLKS, IT IS JUST LIKE, IT ISJUST LIKE WHEN SOMEONE LIES TO

YOU, TECHNICALLY THEY ARETELLING YOU THE TRUTH AS LONG AS

YOU NEVER FIND OUT IT WAS A LIE.

REALLY, IN THE END, IT IS REALLYAN ISSUE OF TRUST.

FOR EXAMPLE, I TRUST THAT MYCHILDHOOD DOG SKIP IS HAVING FUN

CHASING RABBITS AT THAT FARMUPSTATE.

THAT REMIND ME, HAPPY 41STBIRTHDAY, SKIPPER, I HOPE YOU

GOT THAT BONE I SENT YOU.

NOW, CONGRESSMAN ROGERS, IBELIEVE GETS IT.

PRIVACY IS NOT SOME PHYSICALTHING THAT YOU CAN HAVE OR NOT

HAVE VIOLATED.

IT IS A STATE OF MIND LIKE ZEN.

PROFESSOR VLADEK, HE, CERTAINLYEVEN YOU AGREE WITH THAT.

>> I DISAGREE WITH THAT.

I THINK IF THE TREE FALLS IN THEFOREST AND MAKES A NOISE WHETHER

YOU ARE THERE OR NOT.

>> Colbert: YES, IT MAKES ANOISE AT THE, THAT THE NSA WAS

LISTENING TO.

AND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT THETREE NEVER FIND OUT.

OR, RATHER, RATHER, LET ME GIVEYOU ANOTHER TREE ANALOGY.

LET'S SAY INSTEAD OF FALLING INTHE FOREST THE TREE IS STANDING

OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND I AMHIDING IN IT WATCHING YOU

SHOWER.

NOW, SO FAR, SO FAR, I AM NOTVIOLATING YOUR PRIVACY, BUT THE

SECOND YOU SEE ME THROUGH THEWINDOW, SUDDENLY I AM THE

CRIMINAL? WHAT ABOUT MY PRIVACYANY AM TRYING THOMAS BAIT HERE.

>> I AM TRYING TO MASTURBATEHERE.

>> NOW, COME TO THINK OF IT ..

>> NOW, THERE ARE REALLY ALLSORTS OF VICTIMLESS CRIMES LIKE

THIS.

WE KNOW PEOPLE GET ASSAULTEDBECAUSE THEY CALL THE POLICE,

BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF ANYONECALLING THE COMES BECAUSE THEY

WERE MURDERED.

THEREFORE, CLEARLY, NO ONE WASKILLED.

NOW, BY THE SAME LOGIC, BY THESAME LOGIC, FOLKS, I HAVE NOT

INSULTED MIKE ROGERS AS LONG ASHE NEVER HEARS ME SAY THE REASON

MIKE ROGERS USES CIRCULAR LOGICIS BECAUSE HIS HEAD IS JAMMED UP

HIS OWN ASS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Colbert: OF COURSE,

OBVIOUSLY I DO NOT MEAN A WORDOF THAT, I ADMIRE WHAT

HISTORIANS WILL NOW CALL THEROGERS DOCTRINE.

WHEN IT COMES TO PRIVACY VERSUSSECURITY, WE CAN HAVE ONE OF

THEM AS LONG AS WE DON'T KNOWWHICH ONE IT IS.

THAT WAY, WE CAN MAINTAIN OURCONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS OR IF THEY

DO TAKE AWAY OUR RIGHTS JUSTDON'T LET US FIND OUT.

THAT WAY, WE WILL STILL HAVETHEM.

AND THAT'S THE WORD.

WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>