Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown - The Pursuit of the Pharaoh's Phallus Pt. 2

  • Aired:  12/07/10
  •  | Views: 26,636

Stephen demands that the Egyptian government allow him to perform DNA tests on a mysterious penis to make sure it belongs to King Tut. (6:56)

OBVIOUSLY.

NATION, LAST NIGHT I SHOWED YOU

PART ONE IN THE LATEST IN MY

AWARD-RESISTANT SERIES "STEPHEN

COLBERT'S MYSTERIES OF THE

ANCIENT UNKNOWN: KING TUT'S

PENIS."

OUR JOURNEY CONTINUES.

JIM.

PREVIOUSLY ON "MYSTERIES OF THE

ANCIENT UNKNOWN," I TRAVELED TO

THE KING TUT EXHIBIT IN TIMES

SQUARE FOR AN EXCLUSIVE

INTERVIEW WITH EGYPTOLOGIST

DR. DAVID SILVERMAN.

1922, TUT IS DISCOVERED IN HIS

TOMB.

PENIS IS INTACT.

>> CORRECT.

>> STEPHEN: 1968.

BOOM.

NOTICE ANYTHING MISSING?

LET'S STOP BEATING AROUND THE

BUSH.

WHERE'S THE PENIS?

>> I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU'RE

GETTING AT.

>> STEPHEN: SO TONIGHT WE

SEARCHED FOR CLUES AMONG KING

TUT'S TREASURE IN THE DRAMATIC

CONCLUSION OF "MYSTERIES OF THE

ANCIENT UNKNOWN: STEPHEN COLBERT

AND THE PURSUIT OF THE PHARAOH'S

FALLIS."

( APPLAUSE )

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ITEM.

>> WE CALL IT A KARTOUCHE BOX.

>> WERE KARTOUCHES ALWAYS BOXES?

WERE THERE EVER KARTOUCHE BAGS?

>> NO.

>> STEPHEN: HOW MUCH OF YOUR

LIFE'S WORK IS MADE UP?

>> I DON'T THINK ANY OF IT IS.

>> STEPHEN: I COULD SAY THAT

MEANS SOMETHING ELSE.

TO ME I SEE LET'S PLAY CHECKERS

ON THE OCEAN WITH THE ARTIST

FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE.

>> THE PICTURE AT THE VERY TOP

IN RED AND BLACK IS ACTUALLY A

GAME BOARD.

>> STEPHEN: SO I'M RIGHT.

>> WELL, NOT ACTUALLY.

>> STEPHEN: BUT IT IS A BOARD.

>> IT IS A BOARD.

>> STEPHEN: I SAID IT WAS.

>> YES.

>> STEPHEN: THEREFORE I AM

RIGHT.

>> IN THAT PART, YES.

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU.

I LIKE THIS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD BE

INSIDE, DOCTOR?

>> WHEN WE TAKE THE EXHIBITION

DOWN, I'LL LOOK INSIDE, AND IF

THERE IS A PENIS, I'LL GIVE YOU

A CALL.

>> STEPHEN: WHOSE PENIS?

>> WELL, I THINK YOU'RE ONLY

INTERESTED IN KING TUT'S.

>> STEPHEN: IF I WERE PLAYING

HIDE THE ANCIENT SALAMI, I KNOW

EXACTLY WHERE I WOULD HAVE

STASHED IT.

>> THAT'S AN IVORY BOX, AND IN

THE BACK IT HAS HINGES.

AND THOSE MAY BE AMONG THE FIRST

METAL HINGES MADE, AND THEY

STILL WORK.

>> STEPHEN: AND THAT'S NOT ON

THE BANNER OUT FRONT?

WHY NOT "HINGES WITH KING TUT"?

YOU TELL PEOPLE THERE ARE HINGES

IN HERE, YOU GET A LINE DOWN THE

STREET.

HINGES.

WOW.

WOW.

THOSE LOOK A LOT LIKE HINGES.

DID YOU KNOW THIS WHEN YOU GOT

INTO EGYPTOLOGY THAT THERE WAS

TO BE THIS MUCH EXCITEMENT ABOUT

HINGES?

>> I DID NOT.

>> STEPHEN: YOU DID NOT.

THAT'S JUST GRAVY FOR YOU.

>> THAT'S WHY I LIKE EXHIBITS.

>> STEPHEN: THEY DO NOT MAKE

THEM LIKE THEY USED TO.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THEY MAKE THEM

EXACTLY LIKE THEY USED TO.

AS FASCINATING AS HINGES ARE, IT

WAS TIME FOR ME TO TAKE A LOOK

AT TUT HIMSELF.

SO HERE WE ARE, FINALLY FACE TO

FACE WITH KING TUT'S MUMMY.

>> WELL, THIS IS ACTUALLY A

REPLICA OF KING TUT'S MUMMY

HERE.

>> STEPHEN: I KNOW THAT.

I KNOW THAT.

FINALLY FACE TO FACE WITH A

REPLICA OF KING TUT'S MUMMY.

( LAUGHTER )

COULD THE PERSON WHO STOLE KING

TUT'S PENIS HAVE ALSO STOLEN THE

REPLICA'S PENIS?

>> ACTUALLY, WE DON'T THINK THE

PENIS WAS STOLEN.

>> STEPHEN: IT'S NOT THERE.

>> YOU'RE CORRECT.

THERE ISN'T A PENIS THERE.

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU.

SOMETHING ABOUT SILVERMAN'S

EXCUSES WEREN'T ADDING UP.

IT WAS TIME TO TURN UP THE HEAT.

DR. SILVERMAN, I DON'T WANT TO

PUSSYFOOT AROUND ANYMORE.

DID YOU STEAL KING TUT'S PENIS?

>> NO.

( LAUGHTER )

>> STEPHEN: OKAY.

THAT CHECKS OUT.

HE'S CLEAN.

I JUST HAD TO MAKE SURE.

>> I'M GLAD YOU CHECKED.

>> STEPHEN: OKAY.

SO WHERE IS THE PENIS?

>> IT'S IN THE TOMB OF KING TUT

UNDERNEATH THE COVERING.

>> STEPHEN: I'LL PLAY YOUR GAME.

IN 2005, DR. ZAHI HAWASS,

SECRETARY-GENERAL OF

ANTIQUITIES, TOOK TUT OUT FOR A

CAT SCAN, AND HE CLAIMS THE

PENIS WAS IN THE SAND UNDERNEATH

THE MUMMY THE ENTIRE TIME.

>> IT WAS.

THAT'S WHAT HE CLAIMS, AND HE

HAD PHOTOGRAPHS OF IT.

>> STEPHEN: YOU'VE HEARD OF

PHOTOSHOP?

>> YES.

>> STEPHEN: IT WOULD BE SO EASY

TO PHOTOSHOP A PENIS.

I MEAN, I COULD SEND YOU TO SOME

WEB SITES, WEB SITES THAT SEEM

ALMOST ENTIRE DEDICATED TO

PHOTOSHOPING PENISES.

>> REALLY?

>> Stephen: YES.

YOU JUST GO TO GOOGLE IMAGE AND

PUT IN PENIS AND YOUR RESEARCH

IS ALMOST DONE FOR YOU.

ISN'T THE SIMPLER ANSWER SOMEONE

TOOK IT.

>> WHY WOULD THEY WANT TO DO

THAT?

>> STEPHEN: SMOKE IT, GET HIGH.

YOU KNOW THE CHINESE BUY TIGER

DONGS AND SNORT THAT FOR SEXUAL

PROWESS.

>> DO YOU THINK THAT HAS A

NARCOTIC KIND OF EFFECT?

>> STEPHEN: I WOULDN'T KNOW.

I'VE NEVER SMOKED PENIS.

>> HAVE YOU SEEN HIS PENIS WITH

YOUR OWN EYES?

>> NO, I HAVEN'T.

>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE WILLING TO

PUT YOUR ENTIRE CAREER, A

LIFETIME OF WORK ON THE LINE FOR

A PENIS YOU HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY

SEEN?

>> MY FEELING IS THAT THE TRUTH

HAS BEEN STATED BY DR. HAWASS,

AND I SEE NO REASON TO DOUBT

THAT.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW THAT

DENIAL IS NOT JUST A RIVER IN

EGYPT.

I'M BEING TOLD THAT IT IS JUST A

RIVER IN EGYPT.

I'M SORRY.

I DID NOT KNOW THAT.

EVEN IF I BUY INTO THIS

FANTASTICAL STORY THAT THERE IS

A PENIS THERE IN THE SAND THAT

NOBODY NOTICED FOR 40 YEARS AND

NOW IT'S MAGICALLY BEEN FOUND,

HOW DO WE KNOW THAT THAT PENIS

BELONGS TO KING TUT?

IT COULD BE ANYBODY'S

3,000-YEAR-OLD PENIS.

HAVE THEY D.N.A. TESTED THE

PENIS TO MAKE SURE IT IS KING

TUT'S.

>> I DEMAND THE EGYPTIAN

GOVERNMENT ALLOW ME TO GO INTO

WHERE KING TUT'S MUMMY IS HELD

TO PERFORM D.N.A. TESTS ON THAT

PENIS TO MAKE SURE IT BELONG TO

KING TULT.

IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU?

>> IF YOU RECEIVE PERMISSION

FROM DR. ZAHI HAWASS, I WOULD

CERTAINLY GO ALONG WITH YOU

>> ALL RIGHT.

DR. SILVERMAN, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR HELPING ME SOLVE THE MYSTERY

OF KING TUT'S PENIS.

♪♪

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: LET'S TAKE THAT

BATTERIES OUT.

DID YOU HEAR THAT, DR. HAWASS?

THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT.