World News Wrap-Up

  • Aired:  07/21/14
  •  | Views: 19,783

Accusations fly over the downing of Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 as reports indicate that it was shot by a Russian missile. (6:20)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US INHERE, OUT THERE, ALL AROUND

THE WORLD.

NATION, THERE'S A LOT TOTALK ABOUT.

BUT OF COURSE, OF COURSEFOLKS I HAVE TO START

TONIGHT WITH A SHOCKINGINTERNATIONAL INCIDENT THAT

HAS DRAWN THE ATTENTION OFEVERY NATION.

LET'S GO STRAIGHT TOTONIGHT'S EDITION OF WORLD

NEWS WRAP-UP.

>> THE STORY IS STILLUNFOLDING BUT PRELIMINARY

RESULTS INDICATE THAT PRINCEGEORGE IS WALKING.

IT'S MAGICAL TO SEE HISROYAL CUTENESS TAKE HIS

HISTORIC FIRST TODDLE.

AND WHAT A RELIEF TO KNOWTHAT MEMBERS OF THE ROYAL

BLOOD LINE STILL HAVE THEBONE DENSITY TO STAND

UPRIGHT.

FOLKS THIS IS GREAT.

THIS IS GREAT.

I DON'T HAVE A COPY OF ITHERE.

NO, THIS IS GREAT.

AND WE'RE ALL SMILING.

BECAUSE EVERYONE IS HAPPY.

AND I BELIEVE THAT CONCLUDESWORLD NEWS WRAP-UP.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

AND THERE ARE NOT ANY OTHERBIG INTERNATIONAL STORIES,

RIGHT, JIM.

>> THE SURFACE-TO-AIRMISSILE BROUGHT DOWN A

MALAYSIAN AIRLINES JETLINEROVER THE WAR ZONE IN EASTERN

UKRAINE.

>> SOME CALLING IT AN ACT OFTERROR ALREADY, AND OTHERS

AN ACT OF WAR.

>> Stephen: RIGHT, YEAH,OKAY.

BUT THAT WAS THURSDAY.

I WAS KIND OF HOPING THATAN ATROCITY THAT COULD

SPIRAL INTO WORLD WAR IIIWOULD HAVE WORKED ITSELF OUT

OVER THE WEEKEND.

EVIDENTLY NOT.

NATION THIS IS ANUNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY.

AND I HOPE TONIGHT TO COVERIT WITH THE SAME TASTEFUL

RESTRAINT SHOWN BY FOXNEWS'S ANIMATED SMOKING

WRECKAGE GRAPHIC.

IT TOOK REAL SELF CONTROLNOT TO USE THE FOX NFL

SUNDAY ROBOT. I CAN ONLYASSUME THAT MEANS HE'S ON

ASSIGNMENT COVERING GAZA.

NOW FOLKS, IT'S CLEAR THEPLANE WAS TAKEN DOWN BY A

RUSSIAN SA-11 MISSILE ANDTHERE ARE MANY THEORIES

ABOUT WHERE THESERUSSIAN-MADE MISSILES CAME

FROM.

ONE THEORY IS THEY CAME FROMRUSSIA.

(LAUGHTER)HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED.

OKAY.

YOU GOT THESE PRO-RUSSIANSEPARATISTS IN EASTERN

UKRAINE LEAD BY FORMERRUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE OFFICER

AND STAR OF BRIDGE ON THERIVER CRAZY IGOR

GERKIN, HE ALSO GOES BY THENOM DE DOUCHE IGOR STRELKOV

WHICH IS UNDERSTANDABLE WHENYOUR NAME IS GERKIN

EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SAYINGHEY ARE YOU JERKIN THE GERKIN,

BUT IGOR STRELKOV WHAT CANYOU DO WITH THAT.

I GO STROKEOFF?

YES, I WOULD DO THAT.

AND STROKEOFF HERE-- (APPLAUSE)

(APPLAUSE)AND STROKE-OFF IS OLD SECRET

POLICE PALS OF VLADIMIRPUTIN WHO GAVE HIM A BUNCH

OF SURFACE-TO-AIR MISSILESDESPITE THE FACT STROKEY

COMMANDS A GROUP OF REBELSWHO HAVE BEEN DESCRIBED AS A

MOTLEY BAND OF FIGHTERS WHOARE A DRUNKIN PATCHWORK

GROUP THAT IS BEYOND THEMORAL BOUNDARIES.

IN OTHER WORDS, VLADIMIRPUTIN ESSENTIALLY ARMED THE

JUGALOS.

AND IF THIS STORY WERE NOTTRAGIC ENOUGH, AMONG THE

VICTIMS WERE SIX PEOPLEHEADED TO THE INTERNATIONAL

AIDS CONFERENCE.

HIV RESEARCHER NORBERTBROCKMEYER SAID THE NORMALLY

CHEERFUL MOOD AT THE AIDSCONFERENCES WILL NOW BE

ABSENT.

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S RIGHT, THESE BASTARDS

HAVE MANAGED TO MAKE AIDSDEPRESSING.

(LAUGHTER)JIMMY, I'M SORRY, THIS IS

TOO MUCH.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A SHOT

OF GEORGE AGAIN PLEASE/

>> OH, LOOK AT HIM.

HE HAS LITTLE SKINNY ROYALOVERALLS.

LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE LITTLEBOTTOM.

AND THE BABY IS CUTE TOO.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> OKAY, BACK TO THE SADMINES. THIS IS AN OBSCENE AND

VIOLENT SITUATION INVOLVINGWARRING GROUPS IN LAWLESS

FOREIGN TERRITORIES AND ONETYRANT BEARS THE BLAME.

BARACK OBAMA.

(LAUGHTER)>> SENATOR, THERE'S A LOT TO

UNPACK THERE.

SPECIFICALLY REGARD TORUSSIA.

THIS CRISIS OVER THE DOWNINGOF THE MALAYSIA AIRLINES

FLIGHT.

WHAT DID SECRETARY KERRY NOTSAY?

WHAT IS THE ADMINISTRATIONNOT YET PREPARED TO DO THAT

YOU THINK MUST BE DONE?

>> ONE, HE DIDN'T CALLPUTIN THE THUG THAT HE IS.

>> Stephen: HERE HERE.

THIS HORRIBLE TRAGEDY COULDHAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF

PRESIDENT OBAMA JUST CALLEDPUTIN A THUG.

SO ONCE AGAIN, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, IT FALLS TO ME TO

PREVENT FURTHERINTERNATIONAL CRISES.

VLADIMIR PUTIN, YOU ARE AJERK, SIR.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YOU-- YOU-- I'M SORRY, I GOT

TO SAY IT.

YOU-- YOU ARE A STUPID POOPYFACE.

JIMMY, WHAT'S THE REACTION INTHE UKRAINE.

AND YES, THE RUSSIANS AREPULLING OUT OF DONETSK.

YOU'RE WELCOME, WORLD.

I HAD TO.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: I HAD TO.

FOLKS, THAT WASN'T EASY FORME TO DO.

I HAVE LONG BEEN ONE OFVLADIMIR PUTIN'S BIGGEST

FANS.

IN 2008 I SUPPORTED HIM FORPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

STATES.

I DEFENDED HIM AGAINST PUSSYRIOT PLUS ALL THOSE FAMOUS

SHIRTLESS HUNTING PHOTOS,GUESS WHO TOOK THOSE.

(LAUGHTER)I GUESS I'LL BE TAKING

SHIRTLESS HUNTING SELFIESFROM NOW ON.

Loading...