Kate the Great's Morning Sickness

  • Aired:  12/04/12
  •  | Views: 40,742

Kate Middleton's nausea probably means she'll restrict herself to a bland diet, otherwise known as England food. (3:35)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

NATION, IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW YOU KNOW I AM A PATRIOTIC AMERICAN WHO TAKES A MOMENT EACH

DAY TO SAVOR GEORGE WASHINGTON HANDING THE LIMEMYS THEIR CRUMPETS AT YORKTOWN!

HAY, BRITS, SIT ON THIS!

SO I MEAN IT WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY IRISH BEING WHEN I SAY KATE IS PREGGERS.

OH, MY GOD!

THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

YOU ARE MY QUEEN!

(LAUGHTER) AND THE NEXT SIX MONTHS ARE GOING TO BE SO EXCITING.

I WONDER WHAT THEY'LL NAME IT.

IF IT'S A BOY WILL THEY GO WITH ARTHUR GEORGE EDWARD WILLIAM?

BECAUSE YOU CAN MAKE A STRONG CASE FOR WILLIAM ARTHUR EDWARD GEORGE.

(LAUGHTER) SO THAT MIGHT BE A LITTLE TOO EDGY.

HE'D GET TEASED BY HIS SCHOOLMATES SLASH SUBJECTS.

IF IT'S A GIRL THEY'D HAVE TO HONOR WILLIAM'S MOTHER SO SHE MIGHT BE NAMED PRINCESS DIANA

(BLEEP) CAMILLA.

(LAUGHTER) OF COURSE (BLEEP), (BLEEP), (BLEEP) CAMILLA.

HOPE I'M PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY.

OF COURSE EVEN KATE THE GREAT IS ONLY HUMAN AND ELEGANT ANGELIC HUMAN WHOSE EFFORTLESS GRACE IS

A BEACON TO THE WORLD.

(LAUGHTER) THIS IS STARTING OUT AS A BIT OF A BUMPY RIDE.

>> THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE IS IN THIS HOSPITAL STILL SUFFERING FROM WHAT WE'RE TOLD IS ACUTE

MORNING SICKNESS.

>> IT'S MORN LIKE MORNING, NOON, AND NIGHT SICKNESS.

>> IT'S EXTREME VOMITING DURING PREGNANCY.

>> Stephen: NOW THIS MORNING SICKNESS PROBABLY MEANS SHE'LL RESTRICT HERSELF TO A BLAND DIET

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS FOOD IN ENGLAND.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, AS YOU KNOW, FOLKS, AFTER A SERIES OF ETIQUETTE LESSONS WITH BRITISH ROYAL OBSERVER HUGO

VICARS, I WAS INVITED TO WILL ABDICATE'S GALA WEDDING-- IN THE SENSE THAT THEY DID NOT KNOW I

WAS HIDING IN THE PIPE ORGAN.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, FOLKS, I HAVE A TREAT FOR YOU TONIGHT BECAUSE THANKS TO MY CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH

THE ROYAL FAMILY I WAS ABLE TO SCORE AN EXCLUSIVE PHONE CALL WITH THE DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE HERSELF.

PLEASE WELCOME KATE MIDDLETON, EVERYBODY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) WELCOME.

WELCOME, DUCHESS.

IT REALLY IS AN HONOR.

YOU ARE CARRYING THE HEIR TO THE BRITISH THRONE.

YOU MUST FEEL RADIENT.

>> (DRY HEAVING)

>> Stephen: AND I MUST ASK-- AND I HOPE THIS ISN'T OUT-OF-BOUNDS-- DO YOU AND WILL

KNOW YET IF IT'S A LITTLE PRINCE OR PRINCESS.

>> (VOMITING)

>> Stephen: IT'S LIKE A FAIRY TALE TALE!

LET'S TALK MATERNITY FASHIONS.

WHO WILL YOU BE WEARING AS YOU APPROACH THE BIG DAY?

>> (VIOLENT VOMITING AND HEAVY BREATHING)

>> Stephen: I LOVE THE PAGEANTRY.

WELL THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, YOUR HIGHNESS, KATE MIDDLETON, EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) SHE MAKES EVERYTHING MAGICAL.

(LAUGHTER) WELL, YOU HEARD IT HERE, FOLKS, THIS YEAR'S HOT LOOK WILL BE DRY HEAVING.

AND I FOR ONE CANNOT WAIT TO GET PRINCESS KATE'S COMMEMORATIVE BARF BAGS.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)