The Enemy Within - Bologna Border Bust

  • Aired:  04/19/12
  •  | Views: 17,715

America has very strict meat entry laws, but that doesn't stop some south of the border sausage smugglers from playing "hide the bologna." (6:26)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR YEARS I HAVE BEEN WARNING YOU ABOUT THE

GROWING THREAT FROM MEXICO.

IT'S A LAWLESS, CRIME RIDDEN HELL SCAPE RUN BY VICIOUS DRUG LORDS THAT PREY ON

INNOCENT BYSTANDER WAS COULD NEVER IMAGINE THE HORROR OF A POOL SIDE MARGARITA FOR $18.

COME ON!

AND NOW THIS MENTION MACICHAOS IS SPILLING OVER TO OUR BORDER.

TONIGHT I'M EXPOSITION THE MOST TERRIFYING SCOURGE TO CROSS THE RIO GRAND SINCE-- WHY

CAN'T HE SAY IT OUT LOUD?

THIS IS THE ENEMY WITHIN.

>> THE MEXICAN BORDER.

GATEWAY FOR SMUGGLERS OF DANGEROUS CONTRABAND THAT THREATENS OUR WHOLESOME AMERICAN VALUES.

>> MEXICO'S DEADLY DRUG CARTEL VIOLENCE IS SPILLING OVER THE BORDER NOT UNITED STATES.

SO IS ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION.

>> I'M VERY MUCH IN FAVOR OF BUILDING A WALL ALONG THE ENTIRE BOARD TORE KEEP OUT

THESE THREATS.

>> Stephen: JIM GILCHRIST IS THE FOUNDER OF THE MINUTEMEN PROJECT, A VOLUNTEER FORCE

OF PATRIOTS DEDICATED TO KEEPING THEIR EYES ON THREATS COMING IN FROM MEXICO.

>> ANY KIND OF CONTRABAND COMING ACROSS THOSE BORDERS,

WHETHER IT BE GUNS, DRUGS OR SOMETHING AS INNOCUOUS AS A SLAB OF BALONEY IS THE ENEMY WITHIN.

>> BALANCE OG THAT T IS AS AMERICAN AS APPLE FOOD PRODUCTS AND JUST AS DELICIOUS.

>> BALONEY SANDWICHES ARE ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR LUNCH AND DINNER ENTREES BY AMERICANS.

>> MEET THE AMERICAN MEAT INSTITUTE JANET RILEY.

SHE IS JUST NOT A DEVOTED MEAT ENTHUSIAST, SHE IS ALSO PRESIDENT OF THE NATIONAL

HOT DOG AND SAUSAGE COUNCIL.

>> BALONEY IS ONE OF THOSE CLASSIC AMERICAN FOODS IT IS A COOKED, SMOKED SAUSAGE.

TYPICALLY MILDLY SEASONED.

>> GOOD TO KNOW.

>> THERE IS MYSTERY AND MYSTIQUE SURROUNDING BA LOANEE BUT IF YOU JUST LOOK

AT THE INGREDIENT STATEMENT ON THE PACKAGE THAT IS REQUIRED, YOU WILL SEE A

FULL LISTING OF EVERYTHING THAT WE PUT IN THE PRODUCT.

>> SUCH AS.

>> IT'S A COME NEWTED SEMI SOLID SAUSAGE FROM ONE OF MORE RAW SKELETAL MUSCLE

MEAT OR RAW OR COOKED POULTRY MEET.

>> Stephen: THAT, MYSTERY SOLVED.

AND WE NEED TO KEEP OUR COULD COMMON NEWTED SEMISOLID RAW SKELETAL MUSCLE MEAT AMERICAN.

WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE LAWS TO PROTECT IT.

>> THE LAWS THAT REGULATE THE MEAT THAT CAN ENTER THE U.S. ARE VERY STRICT.

>> Stephen: BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP SOME SOUTH OF THE BORDER SAUSAGE SMUGGLERS

FROM PLAYING HIDE THE BA LOANEE.

>> IT'S A BORDER BUST THAT'S A MEAT LOVERS DREAM.

385 POUNDS OF BALONEY.

CUSTOMS OFFICIALS TELL US ON THE PHONE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE HAS TRIED TO

SNEAK BALONEY NOT COUNTRY.

>> USUALLY IT'S A KILL OR OR TWO OR MAYBE ONE OR TWO OF THE LARGE ROLLS YOU WOULD

TYPICALLY SEE IN A DELI.

>> Stephen: IT WAS THE LARGEST BA LOANEE BUST IN OVER A DECADE AND IT'S NOT

AN ISOLATED PROBLEM.

>> THIS PAST YEAR SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN THE YEAR OF BALONEY SMUGGLING THIS IS

SORT OF A NEW PHENOMENON THAT WE HAVE SEEN AND I'M NOT QUITE CLEAR SURE WHAT IS

GOING ON TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST.

>> EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS ON THIS BORDER THAT IS ILLEGAL IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY.

THERE'S MONEY FOR ILLEGAL DRUGS.

AND THERE'S MONEY FOR BRINGING OVER BAD BA OWNEE FROM MEXICO.

>> Stephen: THE LUNCH MEAT CARTELS ARE OUT OF CONTROL.

THE ONLY WAY TO FIGHT BACK IS TO CUT OFF THE DEMAND, TO GO AFTER THE COLD CUT USERS.

>> HEY!

>> Stephen: WEIGH GATHERED A HANDFUL OF BA LOANEE ADDICTS TO HEAR THEIR SAD TALES OF

LUNCH MEAT ABUSE.

>> I LIKE BA LOANEE FOR LUNCH.

>> I EAT BA OWN-- BALONEY EVERY DAY.

>> I CAN EAT A HUNDRED POUNDS OF BA LOANEE.

>> Stephen: THESE JUNK MEAT JUNKIES DON'T CARE WHERE THEIR NEXT FIX COMES FROM.

>> I DON'T CARE WHERE MY BA LOANEE COMES FROM.

>> AMERICAN BALONEY, MEXICAN BA LOANEE, I WANT IT ALL.

>> Stephen: IF THESE BA LOANEE FIENDS HAD THEIR WAY,

PRETTY SOON THIS WOULD BECOME THIS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> PEOPLE NEED TO REALIZE THAT THERE ARE SOME THINGS OUT THERE THAT THEY JUST

SHOULDN'T EAT.

>> I WOULD REALLY LIKE SOME BA LOANEE.

>> I DON'T CARE.

>> GIVE ME MY BA LOANEE.

>> NO.

>> GIVE ME MY BA LOANEE NOW!

>> NO.

>> I NEED MY BALONEY!

>> Stephen: IF WE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS CRISIS WHO KNOWS HOW MUCH MEXICAN

MYSTERY MEAT WILL SEE THIS YEAR.

WITHOUT A PROPER BORDER FENCE BUILT FROM SAN DIEGO,

CALIFORNIA, TO BROWNSVILLE,

TEXAS, THERE'S REALLY NO WAY TO CONTROL THE AMOUNT OF BA LOANEE THAT'S COMING ACROSS

OUR BORDER ILLEGALLY EVERY DAY, EVERY WEEK OR EVERY YEAR.

THE ILLEGAL IMPORTATION OF BA LOANEE IS A TRANSNATIONAL CRIMINAL EPIDEMIC.

>> MEXICO HAS ITS TENTACLE,

CRIMINAL TENTACLES THAT EXTEND THROUGHOUT ALL OF NORTH AMERICA.

NOW THAT MAY SOUND WAY OUT THERE.

BUT IF YOU CAN BRING ILLEGAL BA LOANEE NOT UNITED STATES,

YOU CAN ALSO BRING TINY LITTLE ITEMS NECESSARY TO CREATE A SUITCASE TOO.

>> Stephen: AND IF THAT DOESN'T SCARE YOU OFF, THIS BLACK MARKET BALONEY,

CONSIDER THIS.

>> IT COULD CAUSE VOMITING AND DIARRHEA.

>> Stephen: BUT THERE IS SOMETHING YOU CAN DO.

>> THE MOST PATRIOTIC THING AN AMERICAN CAN DO TO HELP THE BA LOANEE ECONOMY IS TO

EAT MORE BALONEY.

>> Stephen: JUST MAKE SURE IT'S AMERICAN BALONEY.

>> WHEN IT SAYS SAUSAGE PRODUCTS ARE PREPARED WITH MEAT FROM A SINGLE SPECIES

OF CATTLE, SHEEP, SWINE OR GOAT, THEY SHALL BE LABELED WITH THE TERM DESIGNATED THE

PARTICULAR SPECIES IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE GENERIC NATURE EG FRANKFURTER AND

WHEN THEY ARE PREPARED IN PART WITH MECHANICALLY SEPARATESED FECES IN ACCORDANCE WITH 319.6 IT

SHALL BE LABELED IN ACCORDANCE.

SHALL I GO ON.

>> Stephen: NO THANK YOU,

MEAT LADY.

THIS RECENT EPIDEMIC OF ILLEGAL BALONEY BEING IMPORTED FROM MEXICO BOTHERS

ME BECAUSE IF WE CAN'T TRUST THE MEAT THAT WE EAT IN THIS COUNTRY, WE CAN'T TRUST ANYTHING.

>> IT ALSO, THAT'S IT (LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: CHILLING.

HOW LONG BEFORE MY BALONEY HAS A FIRST NAME.

AND IT'S CARLOS.