Mysteries of the Ancient Unknown - Yo Mama Jokes

  • Aired:  03/01/12
  •  | Views: 25,756

Researchers discover a Babylonian gut-buster thought to predate even the earliest biblical "Yo Mama" joke. (4:43)

IS WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

NATION, LIKE MANY AMERICANS

I AM THRILLED THAT THE IRAQ

WAR IS OVER BUT THERE ARE

SOME DOWNSIDES.

FOR STARTERS WHEN I TOOK THE

SHOW THERE TO PERFORM FOR

THE TROOPS IN 2009, I LOST

MY SUBWAY SUB CLUB CARD.

AND NOW THIS THERE IS NEXT

TO NO CHANCE I WILL EVER GET

IT BACK.

IT HAD LIKE SIX STAMPS ON

IT.

WAR IS SO SENSELESS.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT WHENEVER I WANT TO

RELIVE THE EXCITEMENT OF THE

SAND STORMS AND THE PORTA

POTTIES I JUST CRACK OPEN MY

SUBSCRIPTION TO THE

SCHOLARLY BRITISH JOURNAL

IRAQ.

IT'S AN AMAZING PUBLICATION,

ALTHOUGH THE WORD JUMBLE

TAKES TEN YEARS AND $4

TRILLION TO COMPLETE.

AND IT'S THE SOURCE OF

FASCINATING ARTICLES LIKE

ONE THIS MONTH BY RESEARCHER

MICHAEL STRECK AND NATHAN

WASSERMAN WHO RECENTLY

TRANSLATED A 3500 AREA OLD

KUHN I FORM TABLET FROM

BABYLON TO DISCOVER IT

CONTAINED A SERIES OF JOKES.

YES, JOKES.

THESE TABLETS CONTAIN SUCH

ANCIENT SUMERIAN SIDE

SPLITTERS AS HE GOUGED OUT

THE EYE IT IS NOT THE FATE

OF A DEAD MAN.

HE CUT THE THROAT.

A DEAD MAN, WHO IS IT?

ITS PUNCH LINE A GOVERNOR.

(LAUGHTER)

A GOVERNOR, WHO CAN SENTENCE

PEOPLE TO DEATH.

IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE IT

PLEASES THE RIVER GOD.

THESE TABLETS PROVIDE A

UNIQUE INSIGHT INTO LIFE IN

THE FERTILE CRESCENT, THE

FERTILE CRESCENT, BY THE WAY,

THE MOST COMMON PUNCH LINE

IN ANCIENT BABYLONIAN.

BUT SINCE THE TABLET WAS

SEVERELY DAMAGED, NOT ALL

THE JOKES ARE COMPLETE.

LIKE ONE WAS THE ONLY WORDS

REMAINING ARE OF YOUR MOTHER

IS BY THE ONE WHO HAS

INTERCOURSE WITH HER, WHAT

FOR WHO IS IT.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE PUNCH

LINE HAS BEEN LOST.

BUT RESEARCHERS DECLARED

THIS WAS THE WORLD'S OLDEST

YO MAMMA JOKE.

WHICH BRINGS US TO THE

LATEST INSTALLMENT OF MY

AWARD AWAITING THEORIS.

>> STEPHEN COLBERT'S

MYSTERIES OF THE ANCIENT

UNKNOWN.

YO MAMMA JOKES.

THIS BABYLONIAN GUT BUSTER

IS THOUGHT TO PREDATE EVEN

THE EARLIEST BIBLICAL YO

MAMMA JOKE, FROM GENESIS 4:8

AND ABEL SAID UNTO CANIO

MOMMA IS SO FAT SHE DOESN'T

WEAR A FIGURE LEAF, SHE

WEARS A FIG TREE.

AND CANE DID SLAY HIS

BROTHER.

NOW WE MAY NEVER UNDERSTAND

THE TRUE MYSTERY BEHIND THIS

EVEN EARLIER YO MAMMA JOKE

BUT SCHOLARS SUSPECT IT WAS

HILARIOUS.

BECAUSE A NEARBY SHARD OF

POTTERY HAS BEEN TRANSLATED

TO READ, AH, SNAP.

SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I MEAN WHO WAS THIS MOMMA.

WHO DID SHE HAVE INTERCOURSE

WITH AND DID SHE REALLY

ENJOY THE FRUIT OF THE

EUPHRATES VALLEY BIG BLACK

DATES.

AND JUST HOW FAT WAS SHE.

WHEN SHE SAT AROUND THE

ZIGGURAT DID SHE SIT AROUND

THE ZIGGURAT.

FOLKS THIS IS THE FIRST

MAJOR DEVELOPMENT IN

PRECHRISTIAN ZINGOLOGY SINCE

THE DISCOVERY OF

HIEROGLYPHICS DEPICTING THE

ANCIENT EGYPTIAN PERFORMER

AMEN-GAL-AGHER SMASHING A

POMEGRANITE WITH HIS ANGO

MATIC.

WE MUST NOT REST UNTIL ALL

THE SECRETS ARE UNCOVERED.

PERHAPS WE CAN FIND CLUES IN

THE OTHER JOKES ON THE

TABLET.

JOKES LIKE THIS ONE.

THE DEFLOWERED GIRL DID NOT

BECOME PREGNANT.

THE UNDEFLOWERED GIRL BECAME

PREGNANT.

WHAT IS IT?

THE PUNCH LINE, AUXILIARY

FORCES.

I GUESS YOU HAD TO BE THERE

FOR THE SACKING OF ANYONE HE

VA.

WELL, NATION, I-- ON

NINEVAH.

I WILL STAY ON THIS STORY

UNTIL THE FULL SIGNIFICANCE

OF THIS YO MAMMA JOKE WILL

BE DECODE.

PERHAPS THIS TABLET WILL

HELP US UNDERSTAND THIS

TABLET FROM THE CODE OF

HAMMURABI THAT PUZZLED US

FOR YEAR, AN EYE FOR AN EYE,

A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH EXCEPT

FOR YO MAMMA BEC