Terrorists: They're Just Like Us!

  • Aired:  05/04/11
  •  | Views: 56,126

Reporters reveal all the juicy gossip about Osama bin Laden's lifestyle of glam on the lam. (3:46)

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[CROWD CHANTING STEPHEN]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU.

WHO AM I TO FIGHT THE POWER OF

LOVE?

WELCOME TO THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

FOLKS, IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS

SINCE A NAVY SEAL TEAM TOOK OUT

BIN LADEN, DECAPTIATED AL QAEDA

AND CHANGED THE FACE OF THE WAR

ON TERROR.

AND I JUST CAN IN THE GET ENOUGH

OF ALL THE JUICY GOSSIP.

HERE IS THE 411 ON MR. 911.

HE LIVED IN A BIG MANSION.

HE PEAKED IN 2002 AND HE'S BEEN

IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW EVER

SINCE.

HE IS BASICALLY A FUNDAMENTALIST

LINDSAY LOHAN.

[LAUGHTER]

AND NOW -- GET IT -- NOW HIS

COMPOUND IS SWARMING WITH

REPORTERS SO WE'RE LEARNING ALL

THE BEHIND OF SCENES SECRETS OF

THIS FUGITIVE'S LIFESTYLE OF

GLAM ON THE LAMB.

IT TURNS OUT TERRORISTS ARE JUST

LIKE US.

>> WE LEARN THE DETAILS OF WHAT

WENT ON BEHIND THE WALLS.

>> THEY HAD A LOT OF BULK FOOD

IN THE PLACE AND NESTLE

PRODUCTS.

>> Stephen: THAT IS SOME SWEET

PRODUCT PLACEMENT FOR NESTLE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY BRAND

TO GET THE COVETED BIN LADEN

BUMP.

JIM?

>> A LOCAL SHOP KEEPER SAID THE

BIN LADEN'S APPARENTLY LIKED

COKE AND PEPSI.

THEY HAD IT DELIVERED IN BULK.

>> COKE AND PEPSI, WE'RE AT COLA

WAR, PICK A SIDE.

I HAVE TO SAY NO MOUNTAIN DEW?

I THOUGHT BIN LADEN WAS AN

ISLAMIC EXTREMIST.

[LAUGHTER]

ANYHOO, WE ALSO GOT AN EXCLUSIVE

LOOK AT THE BIN LADEN'S POSH

ABBOTTABAD NEIGHBORHOOD.

>> HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN HIDING

IN ANY MORE PLAIN SIGHT THAN

THIS.

AROUND THREE SIDES FARMER'S

FIELDS.

CAB BADGES, MARIJUANA PLANTS

RIGHT UP TO THE SIDE OF

COMPOUND.

>> Stephen: MARIJUANA?

NO WONDER NO ONE KNEW HE WAS

THERE.

THEY WERE MORE BAKED THAN A

TANDOORI CHICKEN.

IF SOMEONE SAID I THINK I SAW

BIN LADEN SOMEONE WOULD SAY

DUDE, YOU ARE BEING PARANOID.

HAND ME THE NESTLE.

I HAVE TO SAY I LOVE THE

DETAILS.

I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF OBL.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT WHERE -- WHERE IS THE

PAPARAZZI?

WHERE IS THE PHOTOS?

>> THE PERFECT -- PRESIDENT HAS

DECIDED NOT TO RELEASE ANY OF

THESE POST DEATH PICTURES OF

OSAMA BIN LADEN.

>> PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY WANT TO SEE

THE VISUAL PROOF OF OSAMA BIN

LADEN DEAD.

>> PEOPLE WANT PROOF.

>> THEY COULD PHOTOSHOP OUT THE

PART THAT IS BLOWN AWAY.

>> Stephen: YEAH.

[LAUGHTER]

GENERAL LEE GIFFORD IS RIGHT

JUST PHOTOSHOP OUT THE PART THAT

IS BLOWN AWAY OR AT LEAST, YOU

KNOW, USE A LITTLE RED EYE

REDUCTION.

[LAUGHTER]

WE AMERICANS, WE WORLD, WE WANT

THESE PHOTOS.

REAL JOURNALISTS OUT THERE

SHOULD BE ABLE TO

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