Stephen Colbert's Debate 2012 Coverage

  • Aired:  10/23/12
  •  | Views: 28,269

Mitt Romney lays out his prosecution of Barack Obama's weak foreign leadership and becomes a "plausible" president. (5:49)

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE "REPORT." THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US IN HERE

OUT THERE.

I'M SURE YOU CAN TELL BY THAT CHANTING THIS CROWD HAS GOTTEN C OSHSLBMENTUM.

(LAUGHTER) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LAST NIGHT WAS THE THIRD AND FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.

IT THREW MUCH-NEED ATTENTION TO TWO KEY DOMESTIC ISSUES, "MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL" AND THE NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP.

(LAUGHTER) AS YOU REMEMBER, FOLKS, THE FIRST DEBATE WAS A BLOWOUT WIN FOR ROMNEY.

THE SECOND DEBATE-- ALSO HAPPENED.

(LAUGHTER) SO LET'S GET THE TRUTH OF NIGHT THREE IN "STEPHEN COLBERT'S DEBATE 2012 COVERAGE." TWO MEN, ONE WHEEL.

WHO GETS TO DRIVE US OVER THE CLIFF?

(LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THESE PEOPLE ARE HUGE FANS OF BUICK.

(LAUGHTER) I WAS SO EXCITED BECAUSE LAST NIGHT WAS OFFICIALLY THE FOREIGN POLICY DEBATE.

UNFORTUNATELY-- AND I DO NOT KNOW THIS-- THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT A LOT OF OTHER STUPID COUNTRIES.

(LAUGHTER) AND THIS BEING BOCA RATON, FLORIDA, THEY HIT ALL THE IMPORTANT ONES.

>> ISRAEL IS A TRUE FRIEND, IT IS OUR GREATEST ALLY IN THE REGION.

>> ISRAEL.

OUR CLOSEST FRIEND IN THE REGION.

>> THEY HAVE TO ABIDE BY THEIR TREATY WITH ISRAEL.

>> OUR ALLY ISRAEL.

>> OUR BOND W ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

>> ISRAEL.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: I WAS PLAYING A DRINKING GAME LAST NIGHT WHERE I TOOK A SHOT OF MANISCHEWITZ EVERY TIME --

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) EVERY TIME SOMEONE SAID "ISRAEL" AND BY THE END OF THE DEBATE I WAS TOTALLY DIABETIC.

(LAUGHTER) BUT, FOLKS, THIS WASN'T JUST ABOUT ISRAEL IT WAS ALSO ABOUT COUNTRIES THAT POSE A THREAT TO ISRAEL.

A THREAT THAT OBAMA HAS DONE NOTHING TO STOP.

>> WE'RE FOUR YEARS CLOSER TO A NUCLEAR IRAN.

WE'RE FOUR YEARS CLOSER TO A NUCLEAR IRAN.

>> YES.

FOUR YEARS AFTER OBAMA WAS ELECTED, FOUR WHOLE YEARS HAVE PASSED.

(LAUGHTER) THE PRESIDENT DID NOTHING TO STOP THE MARCH OF TIME (LAUGHTER) NOT ONLY IS IRAN FOUR YEARS

CLOSER TO A NUCLEAR BOMB, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, EVERYBODY IS.

EVEN ME!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) ADMITTEDLY, I'M STILL FAR AWAY.

THE MENTOS AND DIET COKE STAGE.

BUT STILL.

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, MITT LAID OUT HIS PROSECUTION OF THE PRESIDENT'S WEAK LEADERSHIP.

>> FOUR YEARS AGO THE PRESIDENT BEGAN WHAT I CALLED AN APOLOGY TOUR OF GOING TO VARIOUS NATIONS

IN THE MIDDLE EAST AND CRITICIZING AMERICA.

I THINK THEY LOOK AT THAT AND SAW WEAKNESS.

>> NOTHING GOVERNOR ROMNEY JUST SAID IS TRUE.

>> YES IT IS!

(LAUGHTER) YOU APOLOGIZED.

NOT ONLY THAT, YOU BOWED TO LEADERS ALL OVER THE WORLD!

THAT IS NOT PRESIDENTIAL!

F.D.R. NEVER BOWED TO FOREIGN LEADERS.

(LAUGHTER) HE NEVER EVEN STOOD FOR THEM!

(LAUGHTER) BUT OBAMA -- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) -- OBAMA, OBAMA WILL BOW TO ANYONE!

HELL, AFTER THE DEBATE HE BOWED TO ROMNEY'S GRANDSON!

(LAUGHTER) AND, FOLKS, GREAT POINTS BY ROMNEY BUT IT'S NOT JUST WHAT ROMNEY SAID IT'S THE WAY HE DIDN'T SAY IT.

>> THE PRESIDENT HAD A VERY INTENT LOOK ON HIS FACE.

I WOULDN'T DESCRIBE IT AS A MEAN LOOK, I WOULD DESCRIBE IT AS A MAN LOOKING FOR OPPORTUNITIES TO STRIKE.

>> GOVERNOR ROMNEY, IT SEEMED TO ME, HAD THIS KIND OF BENIGN DEFAULT EXPRESSION IN WHICH HE APPEARS TO BE INTERESTED MOST OF

THE TIME, HE HAS A SLIGHT SMILE ON HIS FACE BUT NOT A SMUG ONE.

I WONDER IF HI HIS WAS NOT THE MORE ATTRACTIVE DEFAULT EXPRESSION.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: YES!

ROMNEY'S FACE TOTALLY KICKED OBAMA'S FACE'S ASS.

(LAUGHTER) JIMMY, PUT UP ROMNEY'S DEFAULT EXPRESSION.

SEE?

SEE?

THAT'S NICE.

THAT REMINDS ME OF A BENEVOLENT ANGEL WATCHING ME SHOWER.

(LAUGHTER) HI!

(LAUGHTER) THAT GUY CAN WATCH ME ALL DAY.

AND, OF COURSE, OF COURSE, OF COURSE MITT WAS SMILING!

BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE NAILED IT.

>> GOVERNOR ROMNEY DID DO WHAT HE NEEDED TO DO WHICH WAS TO PRESENT HIMSELF AS A VERY PLAUSIBLE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.

>> MITT ROMNEY HAD A JOB TONIGHT AND THAT WAS TO COME ACROSS AS A PLAUSIBLE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF.

>> ROMNEY SIMPLY NEEDING TO SHOW THAT, YOU KNOW, HE'S A PLAUSIBLE PRESIDENT.

>> AND HE ACHIEVED PLAUSIBLE.

(LAUGHTER) MILLIONS OF AMERICANS LOOKED AT MITT ROMNEY LAST NIGHT AND SAID