Voter Fraud Alert - Halloween & Pennsylvania

  • Aired:  10/04/12
  •  | Views: 16,387

While asking for a photo ID is now meaningless, Pennsylvania election officials are still allowed the consolation prize of harassing voters for no reason. (3:31)

>> WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, IF YOU WATCH THE SHOW YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ALL YEAR TO STAMP OUT VOTER FRAUD.

BECAUSE IF EVEN ONE FRAUD CENTER SHOWS UP AT THE POLLS IN NOVEMBER THAT WOULD TARNISH THE INTEGRITY OF AN

ELECTION THAT THE KOCH BROTHERS PAID GOOD MONEY FOR.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT I HAVE TWO COLBERT VOTER FRAUD ALERTS.

FIRST UP FIRST UP MY SOURCE TELL ME THAT JUST SIX DAYS BEFORE THE ELECTION MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE PLANNING TO

DISGUISE THEMSELVES AS SOME SORT OF TRICK.

THAT'S WHY WE NEED PHOTO I.D..

HOW I DO KNOW SHE'S REALLY A SEXY CRAYON?

PLUS WE ARE NOW MORE VULNERABLE TO FRAUD THAN EVER.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY SECOND ALERT.

NATION, COURTS IS HAVE ALREADY STRUCK DOWN VOTER I.D. LAWS IN WISCONSIN, SOUTH CAROLINA AND TEXAS AND

THEY HAVE DONE IT AGAIN.

>> IF YOU ARE PENNSYLVANIA VOTER YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO SHOW A PHOTO I.D. THIS ELECTION.

A JUDGE RULED AGAINST THE MEASURE FOR NOW SAYING HE DIDN'T BELIEVE THERE WAS ADEQUATE TIME FOR VOTERS TO

EASILY GET A PHOTO I.D.

BEFORE NOVEMBER 6th.

>> Stephen: THAT IS RIDICULOUS.

THEY WILL HAVE THEIR I.D.s BY NOVEMBER 6th IF THEY GO TO THE DMV NOW.

BUT FOLKS, AS BAD AS THIS IS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AS BAD AS THIS IS, THERE IS A SILVER LINING TO THIS STORY.

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE RULING, ELECTION OFFICIALS CAN STILL ASK FOR PHOTO I.D.s, THEY JUST CAN'T PREVENT PEOPLE FROM VOTING

IF THEY DON'T HAVE IT.

THIS COULD STILL WORK.

ASKING FOR THE I.D. IS NOW MEANINGLESS BUT WE'RE STILL ALLOWED THE CONSOLATION PRIZE OF HARASSING VOTERS

FOR NO REASON.

AND IF WE JUST ADD SOME OTHER INTIMIDATION TACTICS I THINK WE CAN MAKE THE WRONG KIND OF VOTERS SO UNCOMFORTABLE, THEY'LL JUST

TURN AROUND AND GO HOME.

I SAY WE START WITH A CAVITY SEARCH.

YOU'RE FREE TO VOTE BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO LET US PULL BACK YOUR CURTAIN AND TAKE A FEW YANKS ON THAT LEVER.

AFTER THAT, AFTER THAT, WE SIMPLY JUDGE THEIR OUTFIT.

YOU'RE GOING WEAR THAT TO VOTE?

(LAUGHTER) WHAT IS THAT, A SWEATER?

NO, GOD, I CAN'T STOP FROM YOU VOTING BUT I SHOULD STOP YOU FROM DRESSING.

(LAUGHTER) BY THE WAY, YOUR ASS IS HUGE.

DOES IT HAVE ITS OWN CONGRESSMAN.

NO, SERIOUSLY, GO VOTE, I'M SURE IT WILL MAKE ALL THIS BETTER.

AND THEN TO ESCORT TO YOU THE VOTING BOOTH, WE HAVE YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'LL BE SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT YOU ARE FINALLY OUT OF THE HOUSE AND DOING THINGS BECAUSE SHE AND BRAD WERE

REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

BY THE WAY, THIS IS BRAD.

YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEEN HIM IN ALL THOSE COLOGNE ADS.

OF COURSE HE ONLY DOES THOSE TO PAY FOR HESS PENIS REDUCTION THERAPY.

IT HASN'T WORKED YET BUT SHE'S PATIENT WITH HIS PROGRESS.

THEN YOU'RE FREE TO GO IN THERE AND MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD.

AND ON THE WAY OUT, YOU'LL GET A STICKER THAT SAYS I FARTHERED.

WE'LL BE-- FARTED.